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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Why am I such a twat?

112 replies

SucksFake86 · 14/05/2013 15:45

I'm a single mum and around 4 months ago I met up with an old friend (male) who now also has a child a few months younger than mine. We started to meet up when he wasn't at work and our kids played together and we had a laugh.

About 2 months ago he sent me a random email asking me if I can give some advice on something? When I said yes he replied that his partner and himself had not had sex in over 2 years, slept in desperate beds, only talked about there child and never spent any time together. As our friendship progressed he began to be really flirty with me and I have to say I enjoyed the attention he was giving me. Anyway, we exchanged a few pics and had a flew sex chats. He has now said he's going to come clean to his partner in a couple if weeks.

The thing is he's totally in my head and I know I'm a bitch. He's been talking about us getting together and our life together. I know I should just forget about him, but it's so bloody hard and I genuinely didn't think this would happen.

Aarrrgh!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
SucksFake86 · 14/05/2013 17:23

No I think I need harsh! I've deleted him and told him to do one. I guess even though I knew what was happening I didn't want to see it and acknowledge it as I liked the thought of us being together. Silly I know! I wish I'd come here sooner.

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 14/05/2013 17:25

Listen.... we've all been there. It's very flattering for someone to pay you attention like that. If you've been missing a bit of companionship it's convenient to rationalise the situation away as just harmless flirting, no biggie. Don't beat yourself up too badly just live and learn..

Original poster
SucksFake86 · 15/05/2013 08:44

He's apparently told his partner last night as a friend of mine kept on about me telling her and think he panicked, well that's if he's not lying. Haven't heard from him other to say he's told her so that's good. Thanks again everyone and sorry for the typos. I might adopt teat as my swear word of house as at least my toddler won't be in trouble :)

OP posts:
Buzzardbird · 15/05/2013 11:13

Well done OP. He hasn't told her, he is after a reaction from you.

The worst thing you can do to this lying snake is not react.

He is self-obsessed.

If they haven't had sex for 2 years, I'm a virgin. If they hadn't what kind of person would go around telling others about it just to get a shag?

Stand by, he will be telling you he loves you next...

Original poster
SucksFake86 · 15/05/2013 15:58

We met up today by total coincidence as I took my son to a different play place. He said he'd confessed all last night and got a major bollocking but they're trying again. He behaved totally normal around me, although it was a bit awkward at the start.

OP posts:
Lweji · 15/05/2013 16:26

So, trying again...

Yes, he told her. As if.

Original poster
SucksFake86 · 15/05/2013 16:36

Well I'm not going to let him fool me and I miss being his friend. Call me stupid or whatever but whilst he's just being normal with me it's great as we have a laugh. I won't get sucked into going down the same road again. If he starts again I'll have to have a rethink.

OP posts:
BerylStreep · 15/05/2013 16:59

Sucks, are you for real? You plan to continue a friendship with him as if nothing happened?

Honestly, I am sitting looking at the computer screen saying WTAF Hmm

Loulybelle · 15/05/2013 17:05

Yeah Sucks, you really think it will be the same, and what about his partner, if they are trying again (pffft), you really think shes gonna want him hanging around you, knowing what she knows.

Windingdown · 15/05/2013 17:06

You are already getting sucked into going down the same road again.

Loulybelle · 15/05/2013 17:07

The man tried to get you in the sack, whats gonna make him suddenly not want too.

Buzzardbird · 15/05/2013 17:17

I worry you are low on self-respect...surely you can find better friends than him?

lowercase · 15/05/2013 17:18

He may or may not have told her, he is dishonest so you can never really trust what he says.
Sounds like this is his next 'move' to keep you hooked in.
It will all go wrong again soon enough, just mind his dick doesn't accidentally fall into you when it does.

Buzzardbird · 15/05/2013 17:19

If you two are connected on the dreaded FB and he has told her, she will have made him block you by now.

LEMisdisappointed · 15/05/2013 17:22

in two weeks, he will be hoping to fuck you before that and then drop you like a hot potato, run

MoodyDidIt · 15/05/2013 17:25

god he sounds lovely Hmm

do NOT sleep with him

if he is genuine which i doubt wait and see if he actually leaves, before even thinking about starting anything

badinage · 15/05/2013 17:35

If you stay friends with this total wanker you will get sucked into an affair with him and you know it.

This was never a 'friendship'. He was looking for a mug who'd have an affair with him and listen to his tall tales, that's all.

Bin him off completely.

MoodyDidIt · 15/05/2013 17:36

oh just seen last update from OP

ignore my last post

cut him out your life, he is a bullshitter and a cheat, please do not get involved

there are loads of nice men out there i promise, you do not need this snake x

Original poster
SucksFake86 · 15/05/2013 18:24

I just like the friendship and I'm determined not to get sucked in again. He hasn't told her its me but someone else. I know he's lied but I really don't need hassle from her so the FB thing doesn't matter. It was just nice to have a laugh and the boys like playing together. Sad as it may be I only have 1 other friend and I just enjoy some adult convo.

OP posts:
FrebbieMisaGREATshag · 15/05/2013 18:26

Fool me once shame on you

Fool me twice shame on me

Don't be a fool.

MoodyDidIt · 15/05/2013 18:46

he is not your friend though OP

a friend wouldn't do this to you :(

how old is your DC? could you try and meet some other friends? go to different toddler groups or something (not sure how old he is) or even try netmums?

badinage · 15/05/2013 18:47

This bloke isn't a friend.

So that leaves you with one mate.

It's understandable that you want adult conversation and friendship. Few people have no need of that.

But this wasn't that. It was sexually motivated and involved a liar who is still lying.

Kid yourself if you want that you can go back to being mates who arrange playdates, but that isn't the truth. It will become an affair if that's what he wants because you haven't got enough self-esteem and good judgement at the moment to realise this bloke's a wrongun who just wants you for a shag on the side and couldn't give two fucks about 'friendship'.

Why don't you try making friends with people who'll want to spend time with you because they enjoy your company, your humour and your brain?

This bloke's relying on you not using your brain and in any case, he's not interested in that particular organ.

Original poster
SucksFake86 · 15/05/2013 20:19

My son's 2 and we've literally tried every group in the area. We still go to a couple a week just so we get out the house and he at least gets to see other kids and play with other toys. I go in all friendly, smile, say hi and we either get ignored or you get totally closed answers when you try and initiate any convo. I still do try every week in the hope that we'll make some friends but it just isn't working. Tried netmums and have been stood up 4 times. No idea why, we'd been chatting for a week and had stuff in common with each of the women so I've just given up.

OP posts:
MoodyDidIt · 15/05/2013 20:35

i completely agree with badinage. this man is seriously bad for you, trust me, i have been somewhere similar....

and as for your social life, i know what you mean about toddler groups. they can be really cliquey which is pathetic really as you are all there for the same reason, and i would guess most people go to make friends. its incredibly hard being a single mum ( i have been one) especially if you haven't got many friends.

do you have many interests or hobbies outside of your little DS? when my eldest was a baby (and i was single) i used to sing in a band (and thats how i met my now dh) i loved it and made loads of friends. I also started pole dancing classes. i'm not saying do either of those things but if you can pursue a hobby or something it will boost your confidence and you will naturally become more attractive to people.

don't know how much support you have got in RL, ie does DS's dad see him, do you have somene who can babysit etc?

and keep trying with netmums, sooner or later you will probably click with someone. there are the mumsnet local sites which might be worth a try and if you are on FB there is a MN facebook group that was set up for mners looking to make friends, if you want, i can add you to it? (am always plugging it on here as i think its a brill idea)

keep posting XX

Loulybelle · 15/05/2013 20:40

Sucks, i got messaged by a guy on mumsnet, we spent 6 days talking all day, sex chats included, after that i never heard a thing from again, he just wanted me to stroke his ego, if he comes back then he can fuck off.

All your doing for this twat, is stroke his ego, get some self respect.

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