DP doesnt want me at his party.

[NaggingGirlfriend]

I've name changed, although I've written one other post under this name.

I've been with dp for 2 and a half years. I have a 9 month old with him.

Hes just got a new job and his birthday is also coming up. He mentioned that his workmates are planning a night out to celebrate. I've not met any of his friends at all. I found out I was pregnant on the first day of his job and haven't had a chance to go out for drinks and meet everyone. I feel like I'd be ok about getting my parents to babysit so I can go out for the first time in about 2 years.

When I said I was looking forward to meeting everyone he looked at me funny and made excuses about how I shouldn't be there because I cant drink because I'm still breastfeeding. I explained that I would express enough to last and it wouldn't be a problem. After a few other excuses he told me he didn't want me there because I'm 'too sensible' and people would find it weird and he cant relax around me because I'm boring and ruin fun and apparently tell him off all the time.

I'm really, really upset about it but he's not said sorry, he was quite happy to leave the conversation there. When I told him that made me feel like crap he said 'see, this is why I don't want you there, all you do is argue'

I'm utterly confused as he has mentioned in the past that our problems are down to me not having a life of my own and that I don't make an effort to meet people. But now I have a chance, he wont let me. I've been having a lot of confidence issues recently, I've never had such low confidence in my life. This hasn't helped matters.

Am I right to be feeling as upset as I do or am I being over sensitive?

I hope WA are a good help?

You can do it on your own. Talk to a lone parent advisor at the job centre. They were a great help to me when I left exdh.

Save yourself, save your child, get out. You don't deserve this. He did not save you, he took advantage of a vulnerable person. you CAN go it alone. It will be hard, but it will be worth it. He may not respect you, but try to respect yourself and don't allow this pig to treat you this way any longer

Pregnantpause has said it all - there is nothing to add.

You can get out, and we can help you think of a plan.

Do you have access to money at all? Do you have your own bank account and would you want to return to work or stay at home with your DD if you had the choice and he wasn't in the picture?

yonibotts I don't have much money, Ive got 2 of my own bank accounts with very little money in - I work freelance but don't have much time to do that right now because of DD so have only made about £2000 since she was born. I wanted to stay at home with dd until shes at preschool age, I guess I wouldn't be able to do that.

Hes been just as bad today and says hes only here because he doesn't know what else to do. Hes on the phone to his mum at the moment as I think hes planning on leaving us and living with his parents again.

Good let him go. You'll be ok I promise.

Ring the job centre tomorrow and ask to speak to a lone parent advisor.

Well hes gone now. He says hes just going for a few days to clear his head so we can talk but I'm fed up of him being in control of when we talk and what we do.

I'm going back to my parents for a bit so I can try and work a few things out. I feel surprisingly level headed and calm.

Thanks again for the support.

Here we go, re-writing history, just to try and justify to himself he can excuse his shitty behaviour. Whatever. Mind he doesn't appropriate anything of value that belongs to you. When he goes back to mummy and daddy's, be sure and tell the council you are sole adult occupant to get a discount.

Btw you said his birthday is imminent, if you'd already got him a gift take it back and get a full refund.

You really are better off without him. Going back to you parents sounds like a good start.

As long as they are supportive that's good, OP.

Are both of you on the rental agreement? Or just one of you? What happens if you both leave the property? you need to find this stuff out, so you know what could happen, what to do about it and so on.

I think you'd be well rid of this cockhead, to be honest - he sounds like a twat and I still think there's a reasonable chance he has his eye on someone else at work, if he's not already cheating on you.

Talk to your parents at least and see if they have any useful advice.

It's possible to be a lone parent and stay at home, the law does not require you to start looking for work until your child is school age, and you could carry on doing your freelance stuff around her if and when you can to build up your experience/portfolio or whatever as she gets older.

Are you sure you want to go back to your parents after what you said upthread? I'm concerned for you and don't want you to end up feeling like you're stuck between a rock and a hard place in terms of options.If you are rea

I cant post at the moment because of thisstupid pphone, but you have options outside of staying with him or going to your parents. Neither of those ate oosgood options for you based on what you have posted gere. You do gave other choices.

Glad you're feeling calm.

Well done - it prob feels like the opposite, but you're making progress. I reckon he realised the wormed has turned, and he's bolting in fear. (Bullies are cowards, see.)

Thank the Lord he's on the move, I was worried from your posts that he'd be a bugger to get rid off.

One less barrier between you and a better life.

I love you new name.

The weed is a major problem.

It can make them so bloody moody and nastily sarcastic.

But you are better off without him anyway.

I'd bet good money that, since you've been seeking help on here, he's noticed a change in your manner - you're showing a tiny bit of strength maybe. By his going to his parents, he's hoping that you'll break and beg for him to come back.

You do deserve better and you are so young. I was 30 before I got rid of my abusive manchild - you've got a 7 year head start.

ImperialBlether I didn't have time to read all the OP's replies - but the ones I did read seemed not to take into account the point I made. OK?

You are not a loser - he is the loser. A big fat loser with bells on. You are only 23, you have your whole life ahead of you and it will be a wonderful one. Somewhere down the line there is a man who is waiting for you, and he will be kind and loving and will adore you.

The one you are with at the moment sounds utterly vile. Please - do as others have said, pack your bags and you and your baby get the hell away. What you describe in your OP is just awful

Do you have family or friends you could go to?

IDB, you sound way better than this twat...emotionally and intellectually

he is way beneath you, believe me

and what sgb said

You said you do all the housework, sort all the bills and do all the childcare. Sounds like you'll cope absolutely brilliantly without him.
It sounds like he's run away now he's realised you won't put up with the awful way he speaks to you. I'm glad you're not willing to let him take control of everything!

Hey OP, how are you feeling now?

If it's any help, I am also a freelancer earning a v small amount, and I left my abusive FW of a H when DS2 was 5 months old. I work when DS2 sleeps and in the evenings. I get help from housing benefit and child tax credits - have you looked at how much you will be entitled to? www.turn2us.org.uk/ Plus, of course, you'll be entitled to maintenance from him. PM me if you want any more info from me.

Sounds like my XH, OP. I too wasn't allowed to meet his colleagues or go to any work related events. Turns out it was because he was shagging one or more of his female colleagues.

Whenever I kicked up a fuss about the various unreasonable things he did, he'd follow the same script as your 'D'P and would threaten to move out or actually move out for a night or two. Eventually on one of these occasions I told him not to come back, and my problems were solved. Funnily enough I was your age with a child of a similar age. You will really be ok on your own with your DC, please don't put up with this draining man any longer.

What I wanted to say earlier is you have options. I can see these options for you:

Stay in the house and he leaves. It looks like this may be happening for you currently although of course you're then stuck if he decides he wants to come back. However, it may be possible to take legal action to keep him out of the house. Of course with this option you need to work out if you can afford the house alone. It may be worth posting a thread just about money and what you may or may not be able to claim as a student.

Your second option would be to move out and find a place of your own. The big drawback is this requires money, quite a hefty amount of money in backup - around £2000 ideally, assuming you live outside of London. And then you need to pay rent etc.

However, as you're a student, with this option in mind, it might be worth contacting the university's housing/accommodation department. They often have a small amount of on campus or near campus housing for students or staff with children which they can rent out to you, if you explain the situation they may be in a position to help and they will hopefully be familiar with the grants/loans/benefits situation.

Another option, of course, is to stay with him and keep the status quo, which can seem like the easy option. I think you know what this is like already so I won't go into details.

So, what happens if you don't want to stay but he won't leave and you don't have the money to go, or the opportunity to save it, perhaps the uni can't help or the deposit is just as expensive. If you don't have friends who would put you up until you get into your feet or don't feel comfortable or safe at your parents'. If you are genuinely stuck and can't see a way out of the situation, women's aid can help you. They can house you temporarily until you get back onto your feet. There is always a way and don't ever feel like your only real option is to stay because it's not.