I've name changed, although I've written one other post under this name.
I've been with dp for 2 and a half years. I have a 9 month old with him.
Hes just got a new job and his birthday is also coming up. He mentioned that his workmates are planning a night out to celebrate. I've not met any of his friends at all. I found out I was pregnant on the first day of his job and haven't had a chance to go out for drinks and meet everyone. I feel like I'd be ok about getting my parents to babysit so I can go out for the first time in about 2 years.
When I said I was looking forward to meeting everyone he looked at me funny and made excuses about how I shouldn't be there because I cant drink because I'm still breastfeeding. I explained that I would express enough to last and it wouldn't be a problem. After a few other excuses he told me he didn't want me there because I'm 'too sensible' and people would find it weird and he cant relax around me because I'm boring and ruin fun and apparently tell him off all the time.
I'm really, really upset about it but he's not said sorry, he was quite happy to leave the conversation there. When I told him that made me feel like crap he said 'see, this is why I don't want you there, all you do is argue'
I'm utterly confused as he has mentioned in the past that our problems are down to me not having a life of my own and that I don't make an effort to meet people. But now I have a chance, he wont let me. I've been having a lot of confidence issues recently, I've never had such low confidence in my life. This hasn't helped matters.
Am I right to be feeling as upset as I do or am I being over sensitive?
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DP doesnt want me at his party.
NaggingGirlfriend · 10/05/2013 10:33
Ouch that was what I wondered about, just how supportive your parents might be.
It's not a blame game, trying to figure out what's going wrong, and in any case this from your mother is one of those did-she-really-just-say-that-and-mean-it moments:
I also shouldn't tell him if he's done something to upset me as he shouldn't have to hear me criticizing him.
I'm surprised she didn't follow that up by "You made your bed now lie in it" or even "I don't know how he puts up with you" 
.
See what he says, has he anything fresh to add, or will it be a repeat of the other day.
I'm sorry OP, I must have confused you with another poster or something 
I don't know why I thought you were a student. In fact though it makes things easier because if you have a straightforward situation (working between 16 and 29 hours per week, or not working at all, and not needing childcare for any other reason) the benefits you can claim are adequate to support a basic standard of living with enough wiggle room that you don't go completely crazy. And please don't feel guilty if you end up claiming benefits for a while. That is whattthe system is there for - so that you don't have to be stuck in a situation which is becoming intolerable.
Your mother's talking bollocks.
Listen to MN instead. 
I think that's being rather kind to say she is talking out of the 1950s. it sounds to me that she picked on you and pulled you down when you were vulnerable.
Is it any wonder you have so far had 2 abusive relationships? 
My guess is that your P has done a flit for a few days to teach you that you shouldn't give him a hard time. I'm wondering if you find it hard to be by yourself (with your dd)? Perhaps someone somewhere (guess who...) has convinced you you're crap and unable to do anything yourself. But what I see is a woman who is bringing up a child, runs every aspect of a home, endures a waste of space feckless and abusive partner and runs her own business. Sounds pretty spectacular if you ask me.
You do know that you don't have to be hit to be a victim of domestic abuse, yes? I was never hit - he was too clever for that - but I was the same blob you are now by the time I crawled out of that marriage. I thought I was a fraud because I had never been hit; but when I finally met other women who were survivors of domestic abuse and had been hit, they all said they'd be hit any day than the torture of emotional abuse and neglect. So there you have it. Hopefully you'll hear soon from WA, who will reassure you and support you moving forward.
Just out of interest: what sort of life do you have anyway if he smokes all the money away? he is more than useless. Please don't listen to any 'lists' he may produce about how awful you are - PLEASE don't listen, or let him get started on a 'list'.
oh, and he 'saved' you from your abusive relationship? Recognised that someone else had done the work of grinding you down, more like.
You deserve better my darling xx
I've not followed the whole thread, but you've already had lots of great advice & you most certainly
DO deserve better, better from him AND your Mother I'm not surprised you have ended up in abusive relationships it is what your foundations are based on, so tanks to your parents, its what you feel safe with- you feel safe blaming yourself when you are not to blame at all - here's where all that stops, that power is in YOUR hands - you can do it & life does get better once YOU take control & stop listening to their bullshit
You AND your DD deserve better, don't let her grow up seeing the beaten down abused you as her role model for her grown up self & future relationships - give her something better than that - you CAN do that for her & you 
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