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Relationships

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Original poster

Do you and your DH/DP go to bed at the sane time?

52 replies

NothingsLeft · 09/05/2013 19:33

And do you feel it's important?

DH never comes to bed at the same time as me and I feel like it effects our relationship. I always ask him to come when I go but he never does. He stays up watching crap in telly or using the Internet.

I am in bed quite early as DS is a terrible sleeper and quite likely to wake at least twice and it's the only way I can cope. I can't remember the last time we went to bed at the same time. I don't know why it bothers me it just does

OP posts:

Original poster

NothingsLeft · 09/05/2013 19:33

'Same' time obviously..

OP posts:

Bowlersarm · 09/05/2013 19:40

We always went to bed at same time before DC. When DC were little i was all over the place with tiredness and we mostly went to bed at separate times, especially as DH likes to go to bed later than I do.

Now DC are much older we have reverted back to going to bed at same time, although sometimes i like a really early night at 9.00 ish.

I feel unsettled if we have longish periods of different bedtimes. I think getting in to bed together and chatting about the day, things that don't really matter, maintains a great connection, and it's easier for see to then follow as well.

Bowlersarm · 09/05/2013 19:41

Gah. ... for sex to follow, not see!

CPtart · 09/05/2013 19:41

I never ever ever go at the same time as DH. I need a lot more sleep and am always in bed at least 1-2hours earlier. Sad but true.

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme · 09/05/2013 19:45

Dh always slopes off to bed before me unless he's in the mood for sexy time in which case he pesters till I give in! not that I'd rather be MNetting or anything

Fairylea · 09/05/2013 19:47

Occasionally we go to bed at the same time but not often.

I am more of a morning person and he's the total opposite. So I go to bed at 9.30/10 and get up with the kids at 6am and he goes to bed about 12ish and gets up at 8. A lot of this is also because he sometimes works till 10pm so there's no way he's going to get home and go straight to bed! :) when he gets in I'm usually asleep!

As for sex... we tend to have a lot of morning sex when the baby naps and dd is at school and dh has a late shift !

I actually like going to bed on my own... cold bed, no faffing about, no one else breathing, I can fart loudly in peace .... :)

HootShoot · 09/05/2013 19:47

We are exactly the same NothingsLeft. It makes me really sad that my dh never comes to bed at the same time as me. It also really impacts on our sex life which is pretty much non existent. Chatting in bed sounds nice bowlersarm -I'm quite jealous.

Taffeta · 09/05/2013 19:49

Always. Drives me potty!

Theselittlelightsofmine · 09/05/2013 19:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ItsAFuckingVase · 09/05/2013 19:52

Never! We work different shifts, and I keep funny times anyway. We've never really been limited to sex in bed, at night so it has no bearing on us that way.

Have to say that if DH was asking me to go to bed earlier I'd be fucked off.

Absolutelylost · 09/05/2013 19:53

We nearly always do. It bothers me if we don't but occasionally he is in such a deep sleep on the sofa that I leave him to it as he gets narky if I try to wake him.

Original poster

NothingsLeft · 09/05/2013 19:54

I feel sad too. Chatting does sound nice and thats exactly it bowler it's the connection I miss.

We have discussed it a few times and he says he will make the effort but the nights just slip by.

Even once a week would be nice. I feel like we are strangers. Plus he wakes me up when he comes to bed, which makes me

OP posts:

jamakatab · 09/05/2013 19:55

I'm an Owl, he's a Lark. Once we'd given the other permission to be themselves things have worked out fine. It means that our love life is unpredictable - and all the more interesting for that.

AnyFucker · 09/05/2013 19:56

No, he goes to bed about 2 hours before me

Btw, does your h do any of the DC night awakenings ?

OneFingerSjupesUpTheYoni · 09/05/2013 20:00

We go to bed at different times every night - he might go up at 9 with his ipad, i may watch something i've recorded until 11 and vice versa. We are usually both in bed, awake before 12. I like having a 2 minute cosy in but i hate bring made to talk - he thinks bed = conversations but nooooooo we have daytime for them! Bed is for sleep

lemonstartree · 09/05/2013 20:05

about 1/2 the time. I like it when we do, but I accept that I need more sleep than him and so I am usually in bed earlier

HootShoot · 09/05/2013 20:10

Maybe I need to embrace a more interesting sex life. But we have an 18 month old who also doesn't sleep well so we are always so tired in the morning and rushing around to get DH to the train station. Also our DD would quite frequently end up in bed with us in the early hours of the morning, although she has finally started sleeping through in the last two weeks. Morning breath does puts me off morning sex though - bleurgh!

Branleuse · 09/05/2013 20:13

no he doesnt sleep before 2am usually and I like to be in bed about 10. We used to a lot more when we slept downstairs and the telly was there and then I could sleep and he'd just watch telly in bed which was nice, but hes a night owl and has delayed onset insomnia, and if I stay up as late as he does, I still wake at 6 and feel ill the whole day.
its not really a problem. We're still very close and have a good sex life, just not in bed.

StuckOnARollercoaster · 09/05/2013 20:13

I'm the early one in our relationship. DP gets in late so we eat together, then I'm ready for bed but he still needs to wind down.
What works for us is to chill in the lounge, he watches tv and I fall asleep on his lap for a couple of hours. Then up to bed together and straight to sleep, which I can do without waking up too much. (Our chat and sex time is mornings rather than evenings when we both have the energy!)

TheFallenNinja · 09/05/2013 20:13

We do but I'm a night owl so spend many an hour gawping into the darkness while DP is asleep. It's quality time though so I shall continue to gawp.

Bowlersarm · 09/05/2013 20:16

NothingsLeft-has it changed since you had DC or was it the same before?

StuckOnARollercoaster · 09/05/2013 20:17

Oh and to answer one of your questions I don't think it's the same bed time that's important... It's that bit of intimate time that matters and as long as you have that often then I wouldn't be worried about different bed times...

KingRollo · 09/05/2013 20:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ThePinkOcelot · 09/05/2013 20:22

Sometimes we do. Its normally me going up before him and I'm often asleep by the time he comes up. It doesn't bother me, in fact I've never given it a thought before tbh.

TobyLerone · 09/05/2013 20:22

Every night. We have never, ever been to bed at different times. Even if DH is working, he'll just bring his laptop upstairs and work in bed.

Lately I've been seriously knackered and going to bed ridiculously early. I suggested to DH that he didn't have to come to bed with me and he was horrified at the thought!

I do think it's important. I hope we always do it.

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