help please

[inabitofamess]

I am gay and have been in a relationship for a couple of years. My partner (who has not told anyone that she is gay) may be very ill (as in dying). We are waiting for various tests. She has not told anyone about these tests (except me). I am trying to support her but am struggling to cope with it all myself and cannot talk to anyone as we know all the same people etc. I am going to see the doctor soon to ask if she can give me anything just to help me get through the next few weeks, and to cope with appearing normal if the worst happens (as I will have no obvious excuse for being as upset as I will be) but don't even know what to ask the doctor for. Any advice much appreciated.

Whatever a doctor can give you will not be anywhere close to what you need which is real life support from friends and family. I realise you feel an obligation to keep her secrets - both about being gay and being so ill - but I can't see the point in driving yourself into an early grave just for appearances sake. I'm very sorry you find yourself in this situation but I think you have to do what's necessary to look after yourself, even if it means breaking her confidence.

Your partner needs your support but you'll be able to give that much more effectively if you are well and coping yourself. Your doc may be able to refer you for some counselling so that you have someone outside your circle to share your worries with. In some ways it may even be better than someone close as you can talk without the barriers that can arise when you are over-thinking what to say and how much you can say. Many larger companies and local government jobs also offer these counselling and support services free of charge so you may be able to get support that way - they are not just for work-related concerns. I hope it turns out better than you expect.

I can't break her confidence. That would just add to what she is going through and would seem unforgivable if the news is bad and would possibly destroy the relationship if the news is good. I have thought about counselling and have been looking into it but that seems a longer term solution whereas I need to do something that will help over the next few weeks :(. It isn't for appearances sake (the "her not wanting anyone to know" bit), it is tied up with a lot of stuff about her families attitudes, religion etc. She was working through it all, bit by bit, before this happened.

londonfriend.org.uk/

they offer counselling to LGB :)