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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

can you learn to trust again?

15 replies

damn · 09/05/2013 14:13

Will try to keep this as short as possible notso dp and i separated in october with him leaving in november. Since then we have been trying to make the relationship work apart from about 3 weeks when he started seeing someone to hurt me. He ended that realiing apparently he wanted me. Fast forward 3 months and i find he was having contact with another ex. I found out through a 3rd party he confirmed what i had been told. Contact last around 6 months. As a result i went to get myself tested for sti's, hes denied having sex with her and only attempted sex with girl to hurt me once andusing protection. My results came back and one of which was positive. He's still keeping to the same story. He wants to know asap if i can trust him again and i really dont know if i can. Is it possible to learn to trust someone again after something like this?

OP posts:
Machli · 09/05/2013 14:17

So he started seeing someone else to hurt you DURING the time you had both agreed to try to work on your relationship. What is his reasoning for that? And why exactly does he WANT to hurt you? Hmm

No you cannot learn to trust this man again because he is totally untrustworthy. There is nothing there to trust. He has repeatedly proved this to you.

Cut your losses and run very very fast away from this man. He is not committed to you, never has been, never will be.

KatieScarlett2833 · 09/05/2013 14:19

No, he is a diseased lying cockroach. Move on.

LemonPeculiarJones · 09/05/2013 14:22

Of course you can't trust him.

End the relationship for good.

Lweji · 09/05/2013 14:31

Do you have to ask?

He wants to know asap if i can trust him again

LOL at asap.
Twunt.

Original poster
damn · 09/05/2013 14:39

he thought things wouldnt change so stopped sorting things with me then got with an other. Him wanting to know asap is due to a different factor which is time limited, thats a totally different thread.

OP posts:
KatieScarlett2833 · 09/05/2013 14:43

Damn, he's a loser. Get back with him if you must but he will cheat on you and lie lie lie.
And give you another STD.
What a Prince.

Machli · 09/05/2013 14:43

Right. So he did he discuss this with you before he hooked up with someone else? Or did he just go and and do it? Did he tell you it had happened or did you happen to find out?

sarahseashell · 09/05/2013 14:47

yes you can learn to trust again - with someone else

Original poster
damn · 09/05/2013 14:58

he discussed it with me before hooking up with someone else, i found out as was seen together by a friend of mine, he didnt see her and told me a day or so later.

OP posts:
KatieScarlett2833 · 09/05/2013 14:59

So you said " yeah hon, go shag a skank while we're working on our issue?"
Really????

Machli · 09/05/2013 15:03

So he was unfaithful, gave you an STI. When you didn't forgive him quick enough he got pissed off and thought "right I'll show her! But I will tell her what I am planning first". Told you, did it and now is getting the hump and pressuring you to get over this too?

Tell me what is there here to save?

hellsbellsmelons · 09/05/2013 15:17

My results came back and one of which was positive. He's still keeping to the same story

Here's your answer. He's still lying. Still not telling you the truth.
He gave you an STi.
As the others have said - run - and fast!

KatieScarlett2833 · 09/05/2013 15:32

He must truly believe you are stupid.

Lweji · 09/05/2013 15:41

Plus, you don't learn to trust.
Other people gain your trust.

Original poster
damn · 09/05/2013 16:21

we werent trying to sort things out when he got with other person. He was incontact with an ex while we were sorting things out. Not sure what capacity exactly. I've onlyrecently been diagnosed with sti, a lot of this has come up in a very short space of time.
That is what i thought hells bells its nice to know its not just me thinking that. He knows ill do pretty much anything to make and keep my ds's happy.
Thank you everyone for your comments

OP posts:
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