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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

How do I get through this?

20 replies

Copingjustabout · 05/05/2013 08:11

Dh critically ill. It was sudden. He has been on life support for 13 days now.

I'm on my own with 2 dc under 5. No family near. Initially my dsis came and helped but had to go back after a week. She lives 209 m away. I have to travel to hospital every day 3 hr round trip plus hanging around waiting to see him.

I've been numb until yesterday when I felt really angry and hated the world

My boss texted me last night to see how things were. I actually hate him fir doing that right now. My GP has signed me off for next week but I have to think about getting back t work. I can't imagine being able to do it.

I paid a babysitter yesterday so I could get to hospital. Relatives have travelled to help today but will leave tonight.

Has anyone been through this? How did you cope?

OP posts:

CogitoErgoSometimes · 05/05/2013 08:17

I'm sorry he's so poorly. Have you told the hospital about your circumstances? Can Social Services help at all?

MrsBodger · 05/05/2013 08:18

I'm so sorry. I don't know how anyone copes with something like this.

purplewithred · 05/05/2013 08:19

Omg how terrible and terrifying for you. I have no experience to offer you and imagine there is no way this is ever going to be anything other than appallingly difficult. Tell people what you need and ask them to do specific things - babysit for a few hours, ironing, whatever. They will be very very keen to help all they can.

Anifrangapani · 05/05/2013 08:22

I haven't but didn't want your post unanswered.

Your boss will have called to check you were ok if they are anything like mine. It may be they were also checking if they need to get someone to cover for you so when you return to work you don't have a huge backlog. Only the most heartless person would be calling out of anything other than concern.

Call in favours from friends re th childminding. I am sure if you ask a rota could be set up.

SamsGoldilocks · 05/05/2013 08:26

Your family may not be near but can they come and stay and help.

Talk ro your employer and ask for some extended leave so you don't feel pressure about returning to work just yet.
Do you have friends/childmindee who can help.with the little ones. I know of a woman with 2 kids under 6 whose husband was in a similar situation and her friends organised a rota between them to stay over every night to help her with getting jobs done etc. Would that work for you?

And how you cope with your husbands situation, I'm sorry I don't know. Would taking some Bach's rescue remedy or other herbal treatments be a help to you in the short term.

I'm sorry to hear about your situation and hope he makes a swift recovery x

Vivacia · 05/05/2013 08:40

I agree with advice to be very specific and direct about what help you need from family and friends. If you a friend living local to you, could you ask them if to look in to what support and practical help is available?

I can't think what words could give you comfort.

lucjam · 05/05/2013 09:20

Hi where are you. Can anyone from here help you out? What is the prognosis for your dh?

I'm South East of that helps you at all. How are your dc coping without their dad.

Ledkr · 05/05/2013 09:24

I'm in Gloucestershire op I'm a sw can I help at all?

skyebluesapphire · 05/05/2013 17:51

Do you have friends that you can call on for help? Have you got a Childrens Centre anywhere near you? They may be able to support you or find help for you.

I am sorry to hear about your husband. If you could give a few more details of your area, then you might get help from somebody on here, as a couple have posted above

Original poster

Copingjustabout · 05/05/2013 20:03

Thanks for all your replies and offers to help
Especially the practical things I can do.

I agree I need to be more specific about what I need help with. Today I gave my in laws a shopping list. Asked my neighbour to sit one evening do I can get to hospital. She also told me a better route on public transport.

Dh made some progress today and its looking more likely he will recover in time. I need to keep in touch with work more. It's been a massive shock.

Wondering if anyone on here has experience of this?

OP posts:

Altinkum · 05/05/2013 20:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Copingjustabout · 06/05/2013 08:27

Altinkum thanks. I hope your ds has recovered now.

yes, everyone who sees me is feeding me and I have been phoning my two good friends regularly to talk it out. They have been great so has dsis.

No parents to help. No cousins or family near. Moved to a new area last year so limited friends. We have got a good childminder and babysitter but then that's more £££ which is another worry.

How do I juggle it all? Going back to work 3 days a week. Main carer of kids plus 4 hr hospital visits.

If dh does recover and eventually get home he will need months to recuperate. It just feels overwhelming just now but it helps to vent on here.

OP posts:

Beckamaw · 07/05/2013 00:22

One of my closest friend's DH was critically injured in a motorcycle accident. He was initially not expected to make it - brain injured. It was a slow road, and he is not 100%, but is well and working again.

I shall point her in the direction of this thread OP.
I'm East Midlands, if it helps.
Loads of hugs.

katykuns · 07/05/2013 00:32

I live in Norwich if you are near the area. Happy to help, whether it be tidying, taxi-ing, cooking.

Don't be afraid to ask for help from any friends or family... you don't want to burn yourself out. I would also make sure work knows you arent returning for a while, you can't work with life being this stressful.
Thinking of you x

SamsGoldilocks · 07/05/2013 16:19

Hope your fb is continuing to make some progress.

How are you doing, Coping?

sailorsgal · 07/05/2013 17:19

Get in touch with Home start. You can self refer or your HV can. I'm in dorset.

Original poster

Copingjustabout · 08/05/2013 20:08

Thank you all for your offers of help. Very kind. I'm in Surrey.

I think you are right. I can't go back to work yet. I'm a teacher so am feeling incredibly guilty about abandoning my students but I really am no use to them right now.

I've contacted a counsellor for support. My dsis is back this weekend.

Dh still critical and has another infection so its a step back. Feeling really down today.

OP posts:

lucjam · 08/05/2013 22:26

Sorry to hear about the backwards step, I think when someone has been this ill the path to wellness won't be smooth there will be set backs so be prepared for ups and downs but you will get there, have faith. Our bodies are amazing at healing themselves.

Glad you have decided so stay off work you need to be with your DH and your kids. How are the kids are they allowed in to see dh?

Keeping you in my thoughts xxx

pinktransit · 08/05/2013 22:38

I'm not far from Woking in Surrey - anywhere near you?
PM me if I can help with babysitting/transport/anything.

Jubilympics · 08/05/2013 22:56

This happened to me 3 years ago DH had a heart attack and was in hospital for a week. I had just returned to work after mat leave,i had a 4 year old and a 5 month old baby. Work were great and told me to take off whatever time i needed plus i could go and visit in hospital whenever i needed to basically no pressure from work just as long as i kept them informed. I was lucky i had family to look after kids too but did a lot of visiting during school hours and while baby was at nursey x

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