Very worried about the future

[dietcokefriend]

My marriage broke down some while ago and now I am so worried about finances. STBXH is living in OWs house but I am still in former matrimonial home which will be sold as soon as my child is 18 - DS is 16 at the moment. I am very worried that with a 50/50 split I won't be able to afford to buy even a tiny place where my family and friends are. I don't want to move anywhere else. He earns double what I do and I can only get a mortgage for 16 years due to my age.

Do judges look at the future of both parties? He has a good salary to live on and a house to live in in a cheap area whereas I am going to struggle. I don't want any more of my life ripped apart by having to move from an area I was born and grew up in.

Unless taking time out to raise the children hindered your career and possible future earnings then I don't see how you could be due anything else to be honest.

No just did jobs that fitted in with childcare more so he could concentrate on his career. Surely that is taken into consideration?

Don't the courts look at the needs of each party?

Have you seen a solicitor? If STBXH was sole or main breadwinner you can actually claim more than 50% of the equity.

I have and he said 50/50. Do you know how much equity I may be entitled to? I am in pieces already and none of my family are in a position to help.

Would it be better to sort out the finances while my son is still living with me in the former matrimonial home so the house is sold now but a smaller place can be bought for my son and I? That would require more than 50/50.

I think that sounds like a good idea OP.

I'd hang on in there OP until your hand is forced by him going to court to the finances. You might get more than 50% once the disclosures are out and if your X is much better off.

I think the sol all say 50:50 because that is the minimum you can expect. But you have effectively sacrificed a better paid career in order to look after your DC. Oh and if your DC go to uni could be delayed until they are 21. They might want a gap year too before going and then some courses are 4 years.

Don't overlook the value of his pension (which can be significant - my pension is worth twice our house) plus of course any other cash or other assets you may have.

Thanks everyone.

If my DS goes to uni can the judge delay the sale of the house until he graduates? I was worried about where my DS would stay if I could only afford a one bedroom flat.

Or should I force the sale so that I can have a clean break but be given enough equity from the house for a two bedroom flat for DS and myself?

Is it reasonable for me to want to stay in the same area? I am lonely enough without having to move away because STBXH left me for OW.

I am also worried that he won't help to pay for my son to go to uni. Can I ask for money in lieu?

With a pension do you just look at the amount that is stated in the annual statement or is it worth more than that?

The pension provider should be able to tell you the capital value of the pension

I'd post this in legal to as there are some great lawyers on there.

OP. Try wikivorce as well.

But hope this helps:

My ex did the same. Moved into OW house. He wanted to sell the matrimonial home and give me the capital, pay 15% maintenance until our DD reached 18 (she was 16 at the time). in exchange he wanted to keep all his pension. He moved to a cheaper area too and I stayed in our home town which is expensive to buy. I had worked but earned less due to having had our child.

This deal didn't sound good for me as I too thought I could only get a 16 year mortgage due to my age. I went to a sol, we tried mediation, failed because I went in with a different set of expectations and ex realised that neither the mediator nor me believed it to be a great deal.

So:

Tnrough negotiating via my ex (who didn't consult a sol through choice until the draft consent order) and my sol we agreed:

I took most of the equity to enable me to rehouse me and DD. I got 38.8% of his pension which amounted to a 50/50 split of the entire pension pot. 15% maintenance until DD is 21. Spousal maintenance for 5 years. He also pays her boarding fees at a 6th form college and I pay her food costs.

I have just secured a 21 year mortgage with the agreement to pay 10% overpayment per year which I can do.

See a good sol OP. Try not to panic, they'll work it all out based on the length of your relationship, your joint incomes, assets, liabilities, age of DC's, etc. Your sol will advise and negotiate on your behalf, that's what they get paid for.

It's scary, but entirely do-able.
HTH