Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Do you think I am boring

62 replies

Dontspeak · 04/05/2013 16:53

I am quite happy sitting in on a Saturday night watching tv but my oh feels it necessary to go out socialising fri, sat and sun night. When I say I don't fancy going anywhere he says I'm boring and we end up having a row. Then end up going out anyway.
He has been working today and now in the pub. If he has more than 3 pints he starts nit picking with me.
We are supposed to be going to a 50th birthday of someone he has recently met. They are all big drinkers, I don't drink at all and don't like my oh when he has had 2 much to drink.
I don't want to go.
We are both mid 40s. Am I being boring

OP posts:

Original poster

Dontspeak · 04/05/2013 16:56

Forgot to add that I have suffered with anxiety and panic attacks for 2 years and am on medication.
My oh is not sympathetic or understanding. In fact if I have had a bad day be just rolls his eyes at me.

OP posts:

UnrequitedSkink · 04/05/2013 16:57

You're not boring, you're just with someone who has different ideas about what constitutes a good time! I couldn't go out 3 nights in a row, I'd be exhausted! Is this every weekend?

UnrequitedSkink · 04/05/2013 16:57

He's being very selfish. Can he not go out on his own?

currentlyconfuseddotcom · 04/05/2013 16:59

No, not boring.

What Skink said, can he not go on his own?

Walkacrossthesand · 04/05/2013 17:02

I reserve a special dislike for the culture of 'if you're not getting half cut/bladdered/rat-arsed/insert chosen unpleasant description of drunken-ness here then you are borrrring' - but sadly it's very prevalent. Is there any scope at all for finding middle ground - you'll agree to go because you know he wants to, but he agrees (out of respect for your wishes) to leave earlier than he might otherwise, and restrict his drinking because (a) you dont like the way he is when he's drunk; and (b) a hangover wipes out the next day. If the truth is its the drinking he likes, then that's a drink problem. I suspect there's also a respect problem..,

Branleuse · 04/05/2013 17:03

dump him

FarBetterNow · 04/05/2013 17:07

You are not boring.
You are an adult.
He probably has a drink problem.

Beamur · 04/05/2013 17:10

I rarely go out on those nights now either! I think your OH is being rather boorish & it doesn't sound like you both have the same idea of 'fun'.
If he also starts 'nit picking' every time he has a drink you have a bigger problem.

TheseFoolishThings · 04/05/2013 17:14

I completely understand OP and no, you're not boring. Just like walk said - I too have a bit of trouble understanding people with a compulsion to go out, get bladdered, act like fuckwits and then post it all over FB the next day. This type also seem to have a new 'best friend' every five minutes. I suspect beneath it all lies a deep sense of unhappiness with some aspect of themselves. Your DH needs to listen to you in this as well and a compromise must be found.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 04/05/2013 17:14

I have read your previous thread and its not you, its him. He however, has you where he wants you i.e at rock bottom. He is the root cause of your anxiety and panic attacks.

It sounds too like all his best friends are drinkers like he.

Original poster

Dontspeak · 04/05/2013 17:23

We are already going out for dinner with friends tomorrow evening.
Which will be lovely. I enjoy that.
I am not really a pub person. I will go if we are meeting up with friends for a couple of hours.
But this do tonight is not my thing at all. The people are quite clicky and all big drinkers. I end up feeling such a party pooper.
I would prefer to stay home but I know that will cause a problem so I will end up going.
I enjoy the cinema , theatre, afternoon tea etc my oh is not interested in doing anything like that.

OP posts:

ImperialBlether · 04/05/2013 17:27

I don't think it's that you have different interests that's the problem, but rather the fact he makes you feel bad because you want different things to him.

How does he treat you in other ways?

LemonPeculiarJones · 04/05/2013 17:29

You're not boring at all.

He sounds boring. Really tedious. Just pub, pub, pub. How fucking dull.

And he obviously has no empathy or understanding - that's a dull, dead end right there.

Don't stay with him, he sounds appalling and he's making you feel crap.

Theatre, cinema, afternoon tea - you sound fab!

Walkacrossthesand · 04/05/2013 17:47

Sounds like your OH isn't interested in doing anything that doesn't involve drinking...You clearly don't make him do things he doesn't want to do, but he feels able to insist that you accompany him even though you won't enjoy it. I'd offer him a trade - youre not going tonight , you expect him to go with you eg to a film one day soon to 'earn some credits' - when he's done so (and hence shown willing), you'll reciprocate on a one-for-one basis.

Original poster

Dontspeak · 04/05/2013 17:54

As predicted he has come home and said so what are we doing tonight. Don't forget we have been invited to the 50th birthday.
I said oh is that somewhere u really want to go because I don't fancy it.
"We'll I'm not staying in and watching tv" so I said do u want to go on your own
No not really
You don't ever want to do anything. Fucks sake....
I said to be honest I don't know that many people there is there anyone going I get on with
His response" you don't get on with anyone"
This isn't true.
Stalemate
I will have to go or suffer sulking

OP posts:

Beamur · 04/05/2013 18:12

Let him sulk, you're not stopping him from going.
I'd much rather go to the cinema or theatre :-)

Loulybelle · 04/05/2013 18:17

Fuck him, he can sulk and ruin his own night, he sounds boring and unculture, is he afraid to go out on his own?

acrabadabra · 04/05/2013 18:18

I'd let him sulk and go off to the pictures on my own tomorrow when he's hungover and being boring himself.

How old is he that he can't go alone? If you're so boring why does he even want you to go? Why are you with someone with whom you share no interests?

I don't often post on these threads but he sounds like an arse. Does he have any redeeming features?

Punkatheart · 04/05/2013 18:21

Stay and play with us my darling. I am sitting in about to watch Doctor Who. We can all be boring together.

orangeandemons · 04/05/2013 18:22

Seems like he's an extrovert and you're an introvert, so different temperaments.

Fwiw I can't think of anything worse than going out 2 nights in a row. Well even one night tbh

TheseFoolishThings · 04/05/2013 18:57

Nothing wrong with an introvert/extrovert pairing as long as one is sympathetic to the other. OP has already said he can go on his own but no - he has to bully her into going when she doesn't want to OR she'll suffer the sulks for however long. Fucking appalling behaviour.

Walkacrossthesand · 04/05/2013 19:02

Here's the thing, OP. substitute 'you can' for 'do you want to' in the dialogue above - it makes a totally different conversation eg 'you can go on your own' (his choice, not your problem) not 'do you want to go on your own'. Sounds like you've become accustomed to walking on eggshells around this man.

ChasingStaplers · 04/05/2013 19:16

What a big baby sulking because you don't want to go.

Why can't he go on his own? He's a grown man!
I'm sorry you have to put up with this OP.
My ex used to play games like this and he'd also agree to me going out without him and then give me absolute grief when I got home (always as agreed, always during the day). I ended up treading on eggshells (this was one small part of his wholly abusive and appalling treatment of me).

How is he apart from with this issue?

flippinada · 04/05/2013 19:17

You don't sound boring at all. Your H's idea of a fun sounds like my idea of hell. Out three nights in a row, getting pissed? Urgh.

However, that wouldn't so much of a problem if he then just said 'ok, never mind, see you later' and went on his own, would it?

But no, he has to bully you into going too. Why?

flippinada · 04/05/2013 19:27

Re-reading I see others have flagged this up as potentially abusive behaviour. I have an EA ex and he used to play silly mind games like this as well.

I would be bullied into going out when I didn't want to and the either one of two things would happen. Either I stood my ground and I received the silent treatment, sulks or else I would give in and go, then be ignored for the entire evening.

Oh, and I was allowed out with my friends but on the few occasions I did go out by myself there would always be a subsequent "punishment" (sulking, silent treatment, engineering rows).

Flip

1 2 3