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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Sister's housemate wants to bring her father's body to stay at their home for 5 days before funeral. Advice?

490 replies

MumfordandDaughter · 03/05/2013 12:58

Hello, sorry if this is in the wrong area.

My sister's just phoned me in bits. She works as a teacher further up North from me on one of the small islands. She shares a house with a fellow teacher/colleague.

The housemate is an only child. Her elderly father died last night and the mother has refused to have his body at their home because she wouldn't be able to cope. She also doesn't want the body to remain at the funeral parlour or go to chapel. So the mother has asked her daughter - my sister's housemate - to have him at her house instead, to which the housemate agreed.

My sister is really uncomfortable with this. Especially as it's going to be an open coffin until the day of the funeral (middle of next week). The housemate plans to hold 2-3 rosaries and the wake at their house, too.

My sister - who is really quiet and usually a 'yes' person - has told her housemate she's not happy with this arrangement, and it will make her really uncomfortable.

The housemate really didn't take this well and it ended with the mother phoning my sister and calling her selfish.

My sister doesn't know what to do. It's a really small town she lives in, with just one very expensive hotel. My parents have refused to loan her the money to stay at the hotel for the week as they feel the housemate should fork up at least half.

My sister also doesn't want to have to move, because it's so far from school/work, and there's no guarantee there'll be any rooms (it's only a 7-room place).

She doesn't know where she stands. It's not a religious difference, as they're both the same religion. it's just the thought of her father's open coffin being in their living room for all that time, and all the family visiting through the week.

My sister and housemate aren't particularly friends, but they've always been civil up until now.

Does anyone have any advice i could pass on?

(I told her to come on here herself but she refused to because she doesn't have children Blush)

OP posts:
sweetiepie1979 · 04/05/2013 16:29

Well in Ireland that's the custom, I don't see the problem. I think the mother is been difficult but I would let it go as she's just lost her husband. Id do it and put it down to experience. Wakes are great Craic! X

sweetiepie1979 · 04/05/2013 16:37

Oh and wylye what kind of wakes have you been to?

" but will hardly be living life as normal unless she decides to be massively insensitive. No music playing, no hanging out in the kitchen/dining rm to eat meals, no having friends over, she'll be confined to her room.
These are all the things that happen at wakes! That's what it's all about. Having friends over, eating and drinking and giving someone a good send off!

Floggingmolly · 04/05/2013 16:42

It's the custom in Ireland to have the wake in the deceased's own home, Sweetiepie. Attempting to have it in someone else's home is unheard of.

sleeton · 04/05/2013 17:30

These are all the things that happen at wakes! That's what it's all about. Having friends over, eating and drinking and giving someone a good send off! Really?

You really think she should carry on living in her home as usual? Inviting her friends round for a bite to eat and something to drink?

What on earth would she say to them?

I can just visualise the conversation! Ah you have seen the dead man in my sitting room. No, no, you don't know him. In fact, no, no, I don't know him either. My housemate is keeping him here, but you and I can just carry on regardless. Now, would you like milk in your coffeee?

Really sweetiepie?

SauvignonBlanche · 04/05/2013 17:34

Still no update? Hmm

AlistairSim · 04/05/2013 17:39
Shock

Does she live on Craggy Isle?

Wylye · 04/05/2013 17:40

sweetie "These are all the things that happen at wakes! That's what it's all about. Having friends over, eating and drinking and giving someone a good send off!"

Well it may be for the family of the deceased! The sister is hardly going to be joining in is she? It sounds like she's not that familiar with the custom herself, so if she had stayed in the house I'm sure she would have kept to herself in her room and been as quiet as possible, out of respect to the mourners.

sweetiepie1979 · 04/05/2013 18:26

Yeah really that's what happens, maybe she wouldn't s dinner party that particular week for her friends but when I've called at friends houses when they've been holding a wake, always someone from the family I'd add it's oh uncle died in America he's been waked a week here, drink? Maybe it's a cultural thing ladies but It happens where I live. And I just think a man ha died, it's her Daddy, do a good turn for someone and it'll come back to ye.

sweetiepie1979 · 04/05/2013 18:35

floggingmolly it's not unheard of at all, it doesn't happen very often but it's not unheard if. I do think that the wake should be at deceased NAND house and that the Mother is been a bit difficult but if I was in this position I'd let the flat mate have the wake.

FannyFifer · 04/05/2013 19:33

I really really need an update on the weekend at Bernies situation.
Would be ace if the sister was actually called Bernie.

LadyBeagleEyes · 04/05/2013 20:38

I'm starting to think this whole thing is not true.

EffieTheDuck · 04/05/2013 20:50

Unfortunately, the BBC pulled the Islands Blog which used to be great for catching up on each island's news.
I wonder if OP has either gone to rescue her sister or whether it has been untrue. Five days is sort of pushing it in summer, understandable in winter.

StoicButStressed · 04/05/2013 22:02

But LadyB - how can it NOT be true? As you said, Mumford is not exactly a newbie or obv troll suspect - I'm choosing to believe she has gone to rescue DS from the weird forces of darkness that 'are' the DM and the DD along with the Zombie posse backed up the even more terrifying posse of Scottish women, all now barricading the house and that, err, maybe her signal has gone given so far out?

Or battery died? And is now being waked in some strangers house so she can't access it to re-charge?Grin

LadyBeagleEyes · 04/05/2013 22:16

Dunno, Stoic, even established posters have been known to make things up.
I'm starting to get a feeling... Grin

SauvignonBlanche · 04/05/2013 22:24

I'm hoping she's on a ferry.

saffronwblue · 04/05/2013 22:28

You couldn't make this up. You just couldn't. Lol at the battery being waked.

HoHoHoNoYouDont · 04/05/2013 22:28

Poor man getting dragged around to random houses its like flipping weekend at Bernies

I'm sorry but I'm still pmsl at that one.

This thread is definitely destined for Classics.

BackforGood · 04/05/2013 23:34

It does sound like something from an episode of Stella Hmm

LadyBeagleEyes · 04/05/2013 23:56

It's been a good thread though.
I've been suitably and almost enjoyably outraged.
How sad that is how I've spent my weekend. I need to get out more.Grin.

CornflowerB · 05/05/2013 00:57

I have to confess that not finding out the denouement is going to be disappointing.

stargirl04 · 05/05/2013 05:12

There is no way that I would put up with this. It is just outrageous. I would be seeking legal advice. Good luck OP - I really hope your sister gets this sorted out.

stargirl04 · 05/05/2013 06:30

Just read the last page.... D'oh! :-)

I agree, though, it's been a great thread!

50shadesofmeh · 05/05/2013 09:07

We need an update, I've thoroughly enjoyed being appalled at this thread ha ha

goonyagoodthing · 05/05/2013 10:34

It is the norm here in Ireland to have the remains in the persons home after they die. It is not normal to bring him / her to a random house somewhere, the point of it is to bring the person home to family. And in all my 35 years I have never heard of a body being kept in a house for five days. Usually one night, or two nights at the very most.

StoicButStressed · 05/05/2013 11:55

LadyB - uber LOL at "almost enjoyably outraged" (and share your shame at fact this thread has been highlight of my weekend if that makes you feel any better?)

Stargirl04 Truly, thank you SO much for your 'an hour apart' & hilarious dual postSmile ....Just out of shameful blatant noseyness curiousity, were they due to you having a seriously great night out on the Wine or an horrific brain-deadening night up feeding or something? They really are kinda geniusly funnyGrin

stargirl04 Sun 05-May-13 05:12:18
There is no way that I would put up with this. It is just outrageous. I would be seeking legal advice. Good luck OP - I really hope your sister gets this sorted out.

stargirl04 Sun 05-May-13 06:30:51
Just read the last page.... D'oh! :-)

NB: Agree with ALL that we NEED a denoument here (or a fess if wasn't real, but soooooooo don't want to believe that of Mumford or any other L/T MN'er) D'you think a PM to chase would be just TOO cheeky?Blush