Help

[skaboy]

I've got a 'secret' phone containing texts between wife (recently separated, one day divorced hopefully sooner rather than later) and other guy. The reason I want the the phone is so that I can show this guy's long term girlfriend the texts. She knows a bit but wants to see evidence.

However I also think the texts might come in handy for my divorce etc.

I only have this phone for a limited time before she realises its gone - what is the best way of getting the texts (ie so a court can see them and know they were sent from her to him and vice versa? I guess if I forwarded them to my phone they could say I'd changed them or something?

I'm three months past finding out about the affair so pretty calm, but this has thrown me a bit

Could you photgraph them?

I don't think you will need them in court - are you expecting some kind of hostile divorce based on contested adultery?

Simplest way would be to take photos of the texts on a camera phone, I think. Is it a simple phone that doesn't display the message details along with the message itself?

Do you really need to do this? Have you got any other evidence of an affair (and do you actually need that for a divorce)???

Sorry - it just seems a little underhand, seedy and petty to me. Also, I would be inclined to stay away/ stay out of the Other man's relationship - that's not your business.

But if you really must - most phones these days have a way to connect to your computer, usually through a cable. You can connect the phone up and then download what's on there, most of the time this is about photos. I believe (or at least you can on mine) you can use this to download anything saved on there - including texts. However, you might have to make sure the texts are saved onto the memory card rather than the phone.

Its a really shit old nokia. Maybe I could video it, and scroll through the texts?

She's denied sleeping with him all the way through but I've just 'known' she is lying and now I know for sure. Don't know what her motives are for keeping this fact hidden. SShe works with family law so knows everything there is to know about this stuff

So does the phone have a socket you could use to connect to the computer?

giant when a woman posts on here what op is suggesting is exactly what people recommend to do.

The other mans girlfriend has asked for proof.

Skaboy I would photograph them, then maybe transcribe some of them if they are illegible. Could you forward them to your phone?

Look, I'd rather not know any of this. I'd rather just split up with her and do everything amicably. I know nothing about divorce etc so don't know why she would hide this or why I( would need it exactly.

Also she's adamant she wants the house and the kids and said a while ago 'would take me to the cleaners' if I contested it. I have done 90% if not more of the child duties for years.

That might provide more context?

Things have calmed down recently since I've backed down. We are still in the same house, I am doing everything still. However I just want an end to this somehow

I think it's a natural reaction to hide something like this, so it may not be that she is worried you will use it against her. However, divorces can get very nasty very quickly, so being equipped is always a smart move.

The texts are no use to you, really. You can divorce on the grounds of adultery or unreasonable behaviour inside a year of splitting and there is no benefit or disadvantage of proving either.... just time.

Have you got proper legal advice? 'Taking to the cleaners' is emotive rubbish. A solicitor will tell you that the starting point is 50/50 for everything.

puds11 - my response wasn't based on the OP's gender, it was based on what was said in the OP, and would be the same regardless.

Surely you can divorce someone without evidence of an affair, so why would you need it? And why the texts specifically? The OP seems to be quite worried about it, hence why I asked about other evidence.

Secondly, regardless of who it involves, I would be leaving someone elses relationship up to them. At this point in time OP has enough to worry about without getting drawn into their relationship.

Finally - I did offer my advice on how to try to do it.

Skaboy - the only other thing I can suggest is to see if you can save the messages to SIM card, swop the SIM into your phone and view from there, saving on your phone. See if that works.

If you're three months into the separation it's more important that you consult a lawyer than mess about capturing dubious evidence from the phone. Showing it to the girlfriend of the other guy is a different discussion.

You may have a mountain to climb to prove you are the primary carer of the children if you would like them to live with you post-divorce; I would be focusing on that right now.

The texts are no use 'in court' . Divorce doesn't work like that.

Texts aren't of use. All you need do is make an application for divorce based upon UB, citing infidelity as one of the reasons. That's what I did, ex was denying it but wanted a divorce so he didn't contest the grounds.

She can't take you to the cleaners or anywhere else for that matter. The financial split will take into consideration who dependents live with, incomes, length of marriage etc and go from there.

As for OM's girlfriend, if she really wants to know why don't you just meet her, show her the phone and let her deal with it herself?

Texts may only be useful to prove that she was unprofessional- was she using company expenses/time to shag om?

Thanks for the advice. As I said I know nothing about this stuff and wasn't sure if she was trying to hide stuff for some more technical legal reason. As I've known all along, I've already detached quite a bit, so emotionally I have no real reason to want to know 'the truth'. What the guys girlfriend does with this is up to her but I guess she is probably tired with being lied to and needs to try and move on.

Going to see a solicitor anyway now to work out what to do next (on the surface we're supposed to be sorting this divorce 'together', and would prefer it that way). We have been working together successfully on sorting childcare and of course that is what is important. I have to do most of everything at the moment though and will most likely continue to do so post-move as that is the way it has always been.

If she's actually used the phrase 'taking you to the cleaners' then spend a few quid and get a solicitor. It's OK being nicey-nicey provided you're dealing with a reasonable person. If she's out to fleece you, get professionals on your side.

To be honest I don't think I'd try and work out a divorce 'together' with someone who's (a) cheated on you, (b) threatened you and (c) has substantially more family law experience than you. You need someone who is on your side.