The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Whacking The Wine Witch Round The Chops (With Barry The Squid).

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse :)

I'm one of the Brave Babes who's travelling on this wonderful, magical, mysterious Bus, trying to hold onto my sobriety for me, and for my family.

I do drink but thanks to this Bus, I've kicked the vodka addiction into touch and the evil WineWitch has been banished far, far away so I now drink in a controlled manner, One Day At A Time. :)

By that, I mean that just for today, I won't be drinking. Tomorrow, however, I will be because it's a very special occasion. The day after will be dealt with when I wake, and the day after that, the day after etc.....

We're a Bus filled with some fantastic posters, some who drink, some who don't touch a drop ever and some who are on/off drinkers who have lovely warm seats in the side-car, some are hanging onto the roof-rack by the tips of their fingers and trying their best to resist the dreaded WineWitch's charms night after night. But they are trying, and that's all that any of us can do, is keep trying, keep starting again!

So, if you think that you're drinking too much (you probably are) why not come and say hi? We won't bite - unless you ask very nicely, manners cost nothing .

There's lots of seats so pick whichever one you like and have a . Just jump in, we're not a judgemental pack of quiche makers

And here's a bit of light reading for you.... our latest thread and the very first one, the reason we're all here.

PREVIOUS THREAD

FIRST EVER THREAD

Eeek, Purple, that's tough. As I said before, I am Not A Mother so I might be talking out of my arse, but could you try to sit her down and have a very gentle talk with her about it? Possibly while you're doing soething else together (cooking, gardening, walking etc.) so you don't have to look straight at each other when you're talking?
It might be just teenage melodrama, or there might be something more going on, but having a calm chat with her might be able to reassure you.

Purple Eep. They do something like this in creative writing at school. Can you speak to her English teacher? Would that help? {{HUGS}} to you.

Not name-checking today. Had some shocking news about my job. Not losing it, but BIG changes..... and I feel very wobbly about it.

Purple, there is a taste for morbidity / misery in some girls and it is encouraged by some literature. The old fashioned vein of this is in things like all the hardship in the Noel Streatfield stories; Beth's TB in the Little Women books; the many many evil headmistresses and step mothers in the Brontes; the illness of the boy in the Secret Garden. I suppose self harm and abuse is the sort of thing that appears in more up to date literature and TV. And maybe she knows people really going through all this.

I don't know what to do because I bet she will be really embarrassed if she knows you have read it. But she is sad, in some way, I think, and has spent time dwelling on dark thoughts, and she needs to know you are there for her, as of course you are. Don't know. I am watching for good advice that I can use in a few years.

I wouldn't let her know you've read it yet. Just keep it somewhere and refer to it if you need to. My DD used to write her poems just before her period, so it can be hormonal. When I did speak to her about them, she got very embarrassed about it. I definitely think there is a need for an outlet of drama with teenaged girls. I mean, if you think of goths and emos and various (gloomy) groups, they do seem to like sloping about and feeling tortured. Please believe me that I am not minimising this, I don't know your dd, but my dd's poems were awful, really truly awful. Lots of 'not living this dark life', never going to be better so I might as well go now', do everyone a favour, can't they see I'm so torn up' - all that kind of stuff. Every time I found one I felt like I had been punched in the stomach . Then a couple of days later it was all sunny again. The way you describe your time with her, it seems that you are very close and I truly think you would have more evidence of true despression and your instinct as a Mum would have been alerted before now.

Hello babes. I'm a long time lurker but want to join the bus please.

Leviticus 36, lovely DH and two beautiful DSs 2 and 4mo. Responsible job usually but on mat leave atm. Have drunk far too much for as long as I can remember - binge drinking in my youth and mainly at-home drinking for the past few years (not just due to DCs) wine, lager, cider, whisky...

I realised over 10 years ago that I was starting to feel I needed to drink and was buying wine to drink by myself even when I'd promised myself I wouldn't. I've since moved cities, started my dream career, met and married DH and had two children. I thought each and all of these things would have made me change my ways but nothing has. My life on the surface is great and I'm a very 'together' person (unless I'm deluded) as far as others are concerned. My drink problem is a secret. I function completely normally and don't do stupid things/start fights/get arrested although I have in my younger binge drinking days (except get arrested). Being honest though I did plenty of things I could have been arrested for but was just never caught so that's just luck. I don't drink drive anymore and don't drink during the day so I look fairly respectable on the outside.

I've been to AA a few times and spoken to some nice people but have also felt very uncomfortable around some of the others, especially some of the men. I went to a few meetings last spring and an older man who reeked of booze kept trying to corner me for chats and invading my personal space. I stopped going when the morning sickness with DS2 began and I haven't returned.

From what I learned I stongly suspect I'm an alcoholic but feel devastated with this 'diagnosis'. I feel like that means there is no hope of change unless I completely stop drinking and that seems like an impossible task.

I told DH last year that I thought I was an alcoholic and he was a bit bemused but supportive. He likes to drink but is equally happy not to bother at home so I don't think he's got a problem with it like I do. He doesn't really get it - he says 'yes, we should definitely cut down' but I can see he hasn't got a clue what I'm talking about when I explain how I think about drinking all the time (only alcoholics I've spoken to or read about mention feeling like this too). I know he probably thinks I'm just being a bit dramatic - to him because I've managed not to drink during the pregnancies I can't possibly be an alcoholic. We haven't spoken about it since last year even though I'm drinking heavily again. I feel like it's the elephant in the room sometimes. I think he just desperately doesn't want it to be true so buries his head in the sand. I'm pretty sure that my DF is an alcoholic too but he's also respectable on the outside - I'm not sure if that's relevant.

Thanks for reading if you've managed to wade through. I don't know where to start really. I don't want to drink today but there's some lager in the house so I'm not sure I'll resist tonight - I'm so sick of myself!!!!

ISINDE for what it's worth your drunken post the other night has encouraged me to post today so thanks.

Hi Leviticus

Didn't want to read your post and not reply. You've come to the best place. I'm sure the bus organisers will be along to give you your ticket, explain about Barry and the Opal fruits and commence hand-holding and the best advice anywhere

Hi purps, I found something slightly similar but not so alarming when dd was in 2nd year. Turned out it was for her drama class.
From the daughter you describe it doesn't sound like she is writing this from personal experience.
I would speak to her xx

Hi Leviticus and welcome
I am no expert and can only speak from my own experience.

I made the decision to cut down on alcohol exactly seven weeks ago - four weeks in I decided to stop altogether and have not had an alcoholic drink for 18 days. Like you I just couldn't imagine stopping forever - so I have followed the one day at a time approach. I don't know if I will ever drink again but I am not drinking today :). What I found helpful was doing something else instead - going for a bath, washing my hair (my hair has never looked so good :)).
My husband at first thought I was bonkers and kept telling ,e - everything in moderation - but I don't do moderation and that is the trouble. I know (although he hasn't said) that he is pleased I am not drinking.
I think by lurking and then posting you are at a strong enough point to start doing something to change your life - good luck!! Keep us updated about how you are getting on.:)

Hi & welcome Leviticus. I felt like you in that I have had an unhealthy relationship with alcohol pretty much from my first drink. My mother is a functioning alcoholic & my grandfathers drinking spiralled out of control when he retired.
When I first joined the bus I wanted to learn to control my drinking, I wanted to go to functions, nights out etc & have a few & leave & wake up the next day without the shame, guilt, horrendous hangover that lasted for days. I really didn't want to imagine a life where I never drank alcohol again. To me, last year that would of looked like a really boring existence.
I read The Allen Carr book & it had completely made me change my mindset. I now want a life that is alcohol free. I'm not giving up anything but gaining so much more.
This is a big step that you've took and the start of your journey.
I would suggest Allen Carr but know that what we all want is different x

Thank you everyone. I've ordered the Allen Carr book after reading about it further up the thread and am waiting for it arrive. I used his book on smoking to quit 10 years ago and haven't looked back. I hope this will work too.

And yes, I don't want to give up drinking really I just don't want it to be bad for me and my family and I don't want to feel obsessed with it. Pipe dreams!

Someone said on here that the thinking about it all the time is so exhausting that it's easier to abstain. That really struck a chord. But how to abstain?!

Hi Leviticus, welcome.
Isn't it weird how you can not drink when pregnant but can't manage it when you're not?

Hi Leviticus, I would suggest that you stop drinking for 6 weeks and see where that takes you. Tell dh, mark it on the calendar. Make a commitment. Its not easy but it gets easier every day that you do, and ime by the end of 6 weeks you will have seen that a different kind of life is possible. You will have been to social functions where you would normally drink, you will have had really up days where you don't drink, and down days where you don't drink. You will realise that you can cope, that the world didn't stop turning just because you didn't have a glass of wine in your hand. And you will also physically be feeling the benefits of abstaining. Then reassess.

Lemony - so sorry to hear about wobbly job situation .

One last thing Leviticus - I am no longer obsessed with alcohol :) I know I would be if I was trying to control or cut down my drinking - not drinking is the key for me. :)

Isinde Your posts ALWAYS help me. For lots of reasons.

Isinde - thanks. :). Can't really believe it myself x

Isinde

Hi all and welcome Leviticus great name by the way, makes me want to recite all the books in the bible which I used to be able to do...let me see..Genisis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, Deuteronomy...um....something, something
purple I also think dd is venting, hormonal and 14! . I have raised two of the beggars and they are BIG on melodrama. Just keep an eye on her and keep the communication open.
Saw Richard today - he has made a lot of progress but the drugs are slurring his speech and making him very slow and easily confused. He was clean and tidy, is eating and is going out with "the boys" on a work squad tending to hanging baskets and doing gardening.he loves it and feels he is giving something back. He is overwhelmed by the kindness being shown him by his support workers and fellow inmates.I suspect they find him something of an oddity in terms of the way he speaks and the high flying life he has had, but they are all equal in there and they look after him. Its very touching. A lot of them are heroin addicts with prison records, but they ask him if he wants cups of tea and watch telly with him. He forgot to make a packed lunch yesterday when he went out on work detail - they are encouraged to be as independent as possible- so the boys "divvied up" what they had so that he had a share. He has had his detox medication extended and been referred to a skin specialist for some ultra violet treatment on his psoriasis, so all good.

Omg sorry purp I hadnt read your post when I posted this morning I was just scanning quickly and not reading things. My ds here so cant stay on long will post you later with relevant similar experience with my ds years ago. Shes grand now!

Ps also ma wishing best for u all !