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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Relationship advice sought

22 replies

JoeMof · 27/04/2013 18:26

Hi mums,

I'm a guy looking for a spot of relationship advice and thought this might be a good place.

I bought a really nice diamond ring for my gf. But we broke up before I gave it to her. Now I want my new gf to have it. It's probably too soon to be giving her such a nice present but as it wasn't meant for her, does that matter?

Should I tell her the truth? That I didn't buy it for her but now I want her to have it? Or should I pretend I did buy it for her and give it to her later as a big surprise? Or maybe somebody has a better idea?

The only reason I would lie is to make it more special for her.

Thanks in advance.

OP posts:

ScooseIsLoose · 27/04/2013 18:30

I would go with the truth

TurnipCake · 27/04/2013 18:31

I'd hold onto it for now and if you want to give to her at a later time when it's more appropriate in your relationship, then do so

DuchessFanny · 27/04/2013 19:24

Can you return the ring and buy something else for her ?

There's a chance she would always think it was originally meant for her predecessor and it would take the shine off of it (see what i did there ?)

Concentrateonthegood · 27/04/2013 19:38

Whilst I'd appreciate the thought behind the gift, I'm not sure i would want something bought for someone else. Particularly a token of commitment tied up with love for your ex.

LemonPeculiarJones · 27/04/2013 19:41

I really wouldn't want a ring that DH had bought for another woman.

Sell it and take your gf to Paris or Prague instead

TippiShagpile · 27/04/2013 19:45

Please don't give it to her. Can you take it back/sell it? If you do give it to her please don't tell her the truth. "Here's a ring I bought for my ex. I can't take it back so here you go, you have it". She'll think of your ex every time she looks at it and you'll be pissed off if she doesn't wear it.

No brainer I'm afraid.

Fairylea · 27/04/2013 19:48

Sell it. Use the money for a nice weekend away.

I wouldn't want a ring you'd brought for someone else. And unless you're planning to propose I wouldn't want a ring either!

Original poster

JoeMof · 27/04/2013 19:59

Scoose - That's what my head is saying.
Turnip - That's what my heart is saying.
Fanny - Dior won't accept it back. I bought it about a year ago. Nice pun. ;)

Best case scenario is I pretend it was for her all along and she never finds out.

Worst case is she does find out! That's unlikely though unless I let it slip.

OP posts:

TippiShagpile · 27/04/2013 20:02

But every time you look at it you'll think of your ex. Hardly the best start to your relationship.

Original poster

JoeMof · 27/04/2013 20:04

Concentrate, Lemon, Tippi - you've convinced me.

Fairy, I think I've got to sell it, haven't I?

Anybody want a cut-price diamond ring that was meant for my ex? LOL.

OP posts:

TippiShagpile · 27/04/2013 20:05

Good decision Joe.

Hope your relationship goes well.

Moanranger · 27/04/2013 20:39

Just because Dior won't take it back, doesn't mean you can"t sell - try eBay, etc.
Also a ring as a gift only means one thing; get rid of, find something more appropriate.

Original poster

JoeMof · 27/04/2013 21:24

Thanks Tippi.

Moanranger - My ex had a thing for rings which is why I bought it. But good point - a ring is a bad gift idea unless I'm down on one knee.

OP posts:

garlicyoni · 27/04/2013 21:54

Okaaaay ... I totally would accept it, in the spirit in which it was - honestly - given. However, I have a massive weakness for rings and would have no qualms about feeling 'obliged' to you for your generosity. Most women, I suspect, are more delicate of feeling than me so you're on dodgy ground.

Did you really get it from Dior? Still got the certificate or receipt? Ebay it! You should be able to take her for a slap-up weekend on the proceeds.

You sound nice. Hope things work out for you.

WafflyVersatile · 28/04/2013 00:19

I will give you five new pounds for it.

MrsTerryPratchett · 28/04/2013 00:28

If someone gave me a diamond ring, I would think one thing. That one thing would not be, 'what a lovely ring. Never mind that it was for his ex'. Sell it and take her somewhere nice.

Put a picture on your profile of it so I can be horribly jealous.

ToothGah · 28/04/2013 00:39

You sound very sweet :)

My ex called me a couple of years ago and said "you remember that engagement ring I gave you....?"

Basically he wanted to propose to his GF (four years after we'd split up) and as we're still good friends and he was skint, he wondered if he could have it back.

I had to point out that I'd actually paid for the ring myself, not him

But we had a laugh about it, I was more than happy for him to have it and sell it - but told him that he couldn't give the ring to his new GF as it wouldn't be right.

So he sold it (it was sitting in my jewellery box doing nothing, he remains a very good friend and I wanted to help him out) and he bought another ring for his GF with the cash.

Sadly they split up :( But it wouldn't have been right for him to give her the ring I had worn.

Your situation is a bit different in that you didn't give the ring, but I do think you should flog it and buy a new one :)

Original poster

JoeMof · 28/04/2013 01:26

Thanks for your input and insight everyone.

Garlic - I do still have the certificate so that will help.
MrsPratchett - It's this "oui" one:

2.bp.blogspot.com/-pquC2Dluqm8/USQHNv4L_EI/AAAAAAAADzY/KEf7wnWOjQw/s1600/oui.jpg

OP posts:

garlicyoni · 28/04/2013 15:32

Ooh! It's lovely! :)

MrsTerryPratchett · 28/04/2013 15:40

That's lovely would be nicer in platinum. I think a ring with the word "yes" on it sends an even more weddingy message!

ScarletWomanoftheVillage · 28/04/2013 16:04

Why won't Dior take it back? if you actually bought it from them and you have the receipt, of course they will.

Lavenderhoney · 28/04/2013 16:54

It's lovely:)

Did your ex actually see it? If not, I suggest you tell your new gf you have a ring you bought and you are going to change it. Unless she loves it:)

Go to Dior before you eBay. Let them value it properly. If its from last years collection, it may be worth more now, someone may love it but be unable to find one and be on Dior wait list. ( eBay - hmm, fakes etc)

It could be seen as a funky engagement ring with " Oui" on it. Wish I'd thought of that! My dh is French so it would have been nice. Pm me a price if you like:)

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