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Original poster

Shitty boring relationship

75 replies

GirlWiththeLionHeart · 20/04/2013 17:53

That's it really. My relationship is shitty and boring and I feel so deflated I can't even cry. I have a baby ds who is a four months old.

My partner is a nice guy but just seems so uninterested in me.
This is a week in my life, he goes to work , I sah with ds, he comes home watches an hour of telly with us while eating , I take ds to bed and then P goes on his game from 9-1am every night. Last night he came to bed at 3am.

Today it was glorious weather, I took ds out for a lovely long walk followed by lunch in town, P stayed in Confused I did ask if he wanted to come. I come home and he watches football for 2 hours, when that finishes asks if I minded if he played his game.

What is this, seriously?! My relationship is shit. I'm withholding sex now as I feel like, why should I sleep with him if he won't even watch a film with me?

There's no quality time for us. He's not interested. I feel myself falling out of love when it should be a great time with my new family :(

OP posts:
Original poster
GirlWiththeLionHeart · 20/04/2013 17:55

I've said countless times that we don't spend time together but nothing happens. We're meant to be starting counselling but he's yet to call them back.

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Original poster
GirlWiththeLionHeart · 20/04/2013 17:58

Actually the main reason I'm not having sex is its shitty and boring too, and very one-sided.

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LadyVoldemort · 20/04/2013 18:00

So why are you with him? You sound as if you have a lot of life in you but you're with someone who wants to sit around doing nothing. Was he always like this or is it something that's happened recently?

I think you need to sit him down and be honest with him that you are very bored. Give him some suggestions of what you would like to change.

Original poster
GirlWiththeLionHeart · 20/04/2013 18:07

I feel like I have so much to give and that I'm sort of wasted on him iysim?

I've told him but nothing changes. Maybe we should just sit with no distractions when ds is asleep.

What upsets me is he's fine with this arrangement so it would be like forcing him to spend time with me

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WishIdbeenatigermum · 20/04/2013 18:19

Thanks girlwithalionheart, great name btw.
What attracted you in the first place? Has he changed, or have circumstances made things different? You have a tiny baby, so this is an incredibly difficult time in any relationship. Good advice for any couple is to have some date nights. Babysitter, tiredness, cost probably mean that's impractical, so demand that you spend time together at the weekend. Get a box set you'll both enjoy- from the library or charity shop rather than online, so you feel you've invested something and eat and spend time together.

HeySoulSister · 20/04/2013 18:53

can I ask what this 'game' is?

Mollydoggerson · 20/04/2013 18:56

what would happen if ye limited screen time to 1 hour an evening?

WallyBantersYoniBox · 20/04/2013 18:57

Have you actually discussed this with him? Does he know the reasons that you are witholding sex? I don't find my husband to be that good at reading the "signs" so it's better to lay the cards out than try anything subtle.

I'd be tempted to hide the hand console and the tv plug and sit down over some dinner to talk.

Is he stressed? I tend to go for the comfort of tv immersion when I feel stressed or down. Takes away the need to think about my situation.

Lizzabadger · 20/04/2013 19:17

There is no point being in a "shitty boring relationship" and no one is forcing you to remain in one.

WishIdbeenatigermum · 20/04/2013 19:21

To a point lizza except that if ever a great relationship is going to have a blip and be shitty and boring its when there's a tiny baby.

CPtart · 20/04/2013 19:21

I too was cynically wondering what "game" keeps him up until 3am!

LemonPeculiarJones · 20/04/2013 19:29

When was the last time you felt happy in the relationship OP?

If it has always been a bit shit and boring then there's your answer: it has to end.

If it's a recent turn of events, perhaps in reaction to having a new baby, then unpack it a little, examine the change.

Mind you, I would have been furious with my DH for being so uninvolved and leaden after we had DS1. He was as excited and committed and as in love with DS as I was. We had some appalling rows, of course, because of the massive life change and lack of sleep. It was tough at points. But it was never dull - the opposite. You sound like someone who wants engagement with life and excitement and you're able to make that happen - but not with someone as unimaginative and dead-behind-the-eyes as your DH sounds from your OP.

Viviennemary · 20/04/2013 19:37

I agree that the first months following a new baby can be a difficult time in a lot of relationships. He should be making more effort. Do you ever get a baby sitter and go out for a meal. But I appreciate 4 months is young to leave but perhaps somebody in the family would step in.

But realistically is life as a single parent with a tiny baby going to be a lot of fun. Not saying you should stay with him for ever but I'd give it a bit longer.

lastnightidreamt · 20/04/2013 19:43

Hmm, grown men playing computer games = not great IMO!

I would have said that it is having a new baby etc etc, and it may well be partly that - you are expecting more out of life, and noticing his lack of enthusiasm more.

Possibly when you were at work during the week, it didn't bother you so much at the weekend. Now, all your focus is on the weekend/evenings as that's now family time.

If this is how he has always been, I'm not sure it's worth the effort. But if it is post-baby, it could be worth trying to get things back on track.

Original poster
GirlWiththeLionHeart · 20/04/2013 20:28

Sorry, I'm here reading just summing up the energy to reply. Ds is so grizzly.

It's never been a really exciting relationship but I wanted stability not crazy times so that suited me I guess. We just used to talk more and now he just grunts if I say something, if I'm lucky, most times I have to repeat myself to get attention.

I used to hear about men being jealous of the attention new babies get but I feel like the one who doesn't get any!

He's definitely playing a game. It's WoW style so very addictive and all his friends are online playing.

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Original poster
GirlWiththeLionHeart · 20/04/2013 20:31

Also, if he does sit and watch tv with me, he will always be on his iPhone playing something on there too! It's doing my head in.

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badinage · 20/04/2013 20:45

Has the sex always been like that?

You know, great sex with a grown up bloke who doesn't play wargames doesn't equate to 'crazy'. A relationship with someone like that is likely to be far more 'stable' than the one you're in.

Loulybelle · 20/04/2013 21:08

Give him a kick up the arse, and tell him your done with your relationship, i was you once and the depression nearly crippled me.

Original poster
GirlWiththeLionHeart · 20/04/2013 21:23

I do feel like I'm slipping into depression. Like there isn't anything to look forward to; plans, dinners etc. I love my son so much it hurts and look forward to him changing and growing etc. I just wished I looked forward to the weekend and the evenings but I don't as its the same thing over and over :(

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Loulybelle · 20/04/2013 21:25

You need to really tell him its make or break, you can be expected just to sit there alone, its not fair.

Original poster
GirlWiththeLionHeart · 20/04/2013 21:53

Well that didnt go well. He got really defensive. Just come to bed really cannot be arsed with this tbh

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Loulybelle · 20/04/2013 21:55

I think its time for you to end things, he doesnt seem to want mend it.

Original poster
GirlWiththeLionHeart · 20/04/2013 22:23

He said he's been thinking of moving out, because he's felt trapped and hasn't been 'allowed' to go out.

All his friends are settled and dint go out anymore except birthdays etc, we have a baby and he was very colicky in early days so yes I needed his support in the early days so shoot me.

Guess that's that then

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Branleuse · 20/04/2013 22:28

thats what my ex was like. You have my sympathy.

Fucking online gamers

One of dps friends wife left him over world of wankcraft as he would just play it constantly

Original poster
GirlWiththeLionHeart · 20/04/2013 22:50

I'm lying next to my beautiful innocent son, so full of sadness for him and guilt that his parents probably won't make it together :( I came from a broken family and I never wanted it for my dcs but I guess it's going to happen. I feel like shit and actually wish I was dead

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