I read this thread quickly this morning and confess to much eyerolling, many utterances of 'oh FFS!' and 'how would you like it if there was all this Text-Mothering everytime YOU went out.
I think I did this cos I WAS in a controlling relationship and now eschew ALL forms of interference in my life by others.
With time, classes, shopping and chores out of the way for now, I have to admit to changing my mind.
I think there are many facets to your situation Autumn and all of them lumped together are compounding into an overwhelming mountain of 'stuff'
So let's pull it all to pieces and deal with what you CAN influence.
Your mother and her situation? Leave it to her to sort out. You have enough on your plate, and likewise so does she, so can't be support to you. Fair enough.
The fact that you are with someone who HAS form for shenanigans and mishaps/trouble, knows his boundaries with you and STILL does it.
I think you are right to see what his demeanour is when he does get back, but I think that you are well within your rights to decide if you want space from him and his apparent disregard for you.
People here are right. He's not going to change. he would have done so by now, and if he gets stressed now, when there is a little screaming baby in the picture, he's going to get stressed again and he will justify his benders to himself again then.
I think you do need to try to find some way of losing the panic, to try to calm yourself down and start to think clearly.
At the moment you are angry, and that is never conducive to meaningful/successful forward planning.
So, long term, we none of us have the answers, let's see what evolves.
Short term? Understand that there is nothing you can do to make him change, when he has no desire/need to.
This is not a reflection on you, it doesn't mean a single thing about you, it is ALL about HIS inadequacy.
Look past him and see how you want to feel in the future? Do you want to go through another night like last night again? If not, then accept that you need to be prepared to throw the relationship down as the price to pay to live with respect, in peace and calmly with your child.
You need to work out how you are going to sustain yourself in the future, and you need to focus fully on making sure that you CAN make ends meet on your own.
Once you know you can achieve this, you won't feel so trapped and panicked.
At the end of the day, no person is worth this angst. YOU and your child are worth a ton more, and you need to make it really clear to ALL around you that YOU come first and that you WON'T tolerate this level of crap. From anyone.
Keep posting love, we'll hold your hand.