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Original poster

when did your partner tell you they loved you?

32 replies

timetofaceit · 18/04/2013 22:06

I'm just wondering whats normal really. My last relationship was abusive and I remember thinking gosh he's very quick with his 'I love you's' he told me within the first month or so. Shocking now I think about it but that quite often is a tell tale sign of a controlling person, or clingy person it certainly wasn't normal now I look back although at the time I was flattered. I know everyones different but just wondering how long you were seeing your partner before they told you they loved you??

OP posts:
KatOD · 18/04/2013 22:15

About a month, we had known each other through work for a few years though.

He managed to time it on the only night that my dad and brother have had such an enormous row that my brother stormed out and came to stay with me (and then spent a while wondering what sort of fighting pikey family he'd got involved withWink).

11 years and a beautiful DD later he realised it was anomalous and bad timing...

Every relationship is very different though. My acid test was to wake up every morning and ask myself "are you happy", and if not move on. I wouldn't put too much on what is said (some people are more demonstrative than others and levels of sincerity can vary!).

Good luck.

Original poster
timetofaceit · 19/04/2013 09:39

I suppose I just don't know whats normal. I know I feel happy at the moment I'm not sure I love him so he probably feels the same its only been 3 months so I don't expect it yet, its been very slow just dating really but I am happy as like I said the last one was abusive and I still feel I'm healing really. I'm just interested to know what is the natural progression of a relationship as the last one was full on and all for the wrong reasons. This one seems cautious like me but we enjoy each others company go away for weekends, communication is good nothing to complain about really 'YET' is this normal for a relationship of 3 months?

OP posts:
HairyGrotter · 19/04/2013 10:35

After 5 weeks, but he was pissed haha

I think it depends on the relationship, my DP and I just 'knew', it felt natural and we were/are in the same place. We had been open about the relationship and where we both stood. Also, we had spent many days and nights together. When it's right, time is not a factor.

If you don't 'feel' it, you don't feel it, simple as that

vvviola · 19/04/2013 10:40

DH told me about 5 weeks after we met. It was a long distance relationship, it was Valentine's Day. I was having a night in with the girls (all 4 of us in long distance relationships due to jobs/location), he was playing sport where he lived. He did some serious damage to his foot, rang me in flood of tears on the way to hospital and told me he loved me.

I didn't hold him to it until he said it again at a less stressful time Grin

Original poster
timetofaceit · 19/04/2013 11:04

Blimey all quite quick then! Can you really love someone after such a short amount of time, wish I could be so trusting!

OP posts:
whattodoo · 19/04/2013 11:22

I knew I loved DP pretty quickly and told him after about 3 months.

Unfortunately DP had been badly bruised in the past and didn't want to be dishonest by reciprocating my declaration of love until he was absolutely certain that I was 'the one'.

It took him another 3 months until he felt comfortable and confident about his feelings.

In the long term, I guess I respect him not saying it just because I had, and when he did say the magic words, it felt so much more meaningful.

I remember once being told never to say 'I love you' unless you really can't bear not to. That advice sort of makes sense to me.

BanjoPlayingTiger · 19/04/2013 11:25

About 2 weeks. I was a bit Hmm about it all and said he couldn't possibly know. But 14 years and 2 kids later we are still very much together and very happy. And he isn't in any way controlling or clingy.

PiHigh · 19/04/2013 11:37

5 days. Actually he said "I think I love you" but I put it down to him being about to get some Blush. He knew I was 'the one' after about 6 months, we had a lovely day out and he said it had just clicked iykwim.

HairyGrotter · 19/04/2013 11:40

I like that whole 'if you can't bear to not say it' thing. That does make sense.

Takingbackmonday · 19/04/2013 11:40

3 days Blush

redadmiralsinthegarden · 19/04/2013 11:41

just reluctantly dumped my boyfriend, after 14 months. when i asked him this morning 'do you love me?' he said 'I'm very fond of you, but I don't think I've ever loved anyone.'
I had thought that he DID love me, just wasn't able to say it. seems i was wrong though... Sad

Startail · 19/04/2013 11:41

A week or two after we met, but we both knew that if we had a second date we'd get married. I love you was taken as read.

25 years later and two DCs later we're still in love.

YummyMummy17 · 19/04/2013 11:42

DH had never been in love before me he didn't say it until about 8/9 months down the line, I knew he loved me before but it was massive step for him to say it Smile x

HairyGrotter · 19/04/2013 11:42

Well, I've always tried to enter 'relationships' on their own merits, as in not carrying past experiences which may influence or change what I could have in the future. I'm a very skeptical person, logical and rational, but I fell in love with DP after 5 weeks too.

If a friend came to me and told me my story, I'd raise an eyebrow, but as I'm living it, it's just right and feels great and natural

badinage · 19/04/2013 12:05

We'd known each other a while before dating, but said we loved eachother within 10 days of becoming a couple.

Which was, of course, absolute bollocks.

What we meant was that we were infatuated.

Looking back I'd say we properly fell 'in love' about 4-6 months later and properly loved eachother about 2 years in. Decades later we still do, but we both admit that we were talking utter hogwash in those early days Grin

Original poster
timetofaceit · 19/04/2013 13:42

Ah what lovely stories! I think in our case we're both really cautious cos of past history, but I have to say I wake up in the morning I genuinely feel happy, I don't feel rushed I don't feel I need to be like someone else, we get on really well never feel uncomfortable with him, the sex is great, the communication is great! He said when I first met him I don't want a relationship I just want someone to go out with....and you know that was exactly what I wanted too, just had 2 rubbish relationships hated men but someone who I could go out with have some fun was just what I needed.

Since then things have changed and we realise there is a connection between us he does say things like 'I think things might actually work out for us' he tells me loves spending time with me can't wait to see me again, he misses me. Just asked me if I want to go away on holiday with him in August and just makes me laugh all the time. He acts like he loves me which is probably more important as my ex said it all the time but certainly didn't treat me as someone he loved. But he just hasn't said the words, I'm certainly falling for him, but I wouldn't say I truly know him well enough yet to truly say I love him, maybe he feels the same. Just thinking out loud really ! hmmmm

OP posts:
Lottapianos · 19/04/2013 13:47

We really took our time. I would say I knew after a few months but nothing was said until we'd almost been together for a year! I had had a horrible phonecall from nasty demented ex-flatmate and was in floods of tears, and when DP was comforting me, he said 'please don't be upset. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me and I love you to bits' Blush

And he's barely let a day go by since then without saying it at least three times

harleyd · 19/04/2013 13:50

it took him 2 years to actually say it. and then within another 2 months we were engaged and now having a baby Smile

HeirToTheIronThrone · 19/04/2013 14:28

About a month I think - we were drunk and sleeping in the back of his car at a party on a farm... It took me another couple of months to say it back, but we are still together and getting married in a few months!

CheeseStrawWars · 19/04/2013 14:40

Sad for you redadmiral. But for the best, by the sound of things. You deserve to be loved.

I think it was about 6 weeks in I told DH. He took a couple of days to think about it before he said it back! At least it showed he was taking it seriously rather than reflexively returning the sentiment...

redadmiralsinthegarden · 19/04/2013 15:59

thanks, cheese. hmm, very sad about it all. Thought he DID love me by his actions, but clearly that was mere 'fondness'.

neriberi · 19/04/2013 16:04

It was after a couple of months.

We went out for a burger in Camden, we were talking about something random and I said "that's what I love about you", he said he felt that same, I said "what?" then he said "I love you" Blush. All very unromantic, but then when he asked me to marry to him it wasn't a down on one knee thing, we were drunk and about to go to bed when he asked if I fancied changing my surname Shock, we went to sleep and when I woke up in the morning he asked if I remembered last night and did I fancy it?

We've been together 7 years, married 5 and have a 2.5 DS.

Estherbelle · 19/04/2013 16:09

Six days. Both of us felt it in our hearts even sooner than that, but held back in case we scared the other one off! He said it first in the end and I was so glad as I couldn't bottle it up any longer!

Two years on and the love is stronger than ever. In no way is the relationship abusive or controlling, we just knew we were right for each other, and felt like we'd known each other for years from the word go.

Coffee1Sugar · 19/04/2013 16:27

3 months in he wrote "I love you" in the sand on Bournemouth beach Grin

badinage · 19/04/2013 17:05

If someone is acting like he loves you, that is far more valuable than the words themselves. It works the other way around too. I usually know what my feelings are towards anyone by how I act towards them.

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