What does your DP do that drives you crackers (lighthearted)?

[Lottapianos]

When I was moving in with my DP 5 years ago, I asked an older colleague for advice about long-term relationships. She said that she had been married for 15 years, and sometimes she and her H were just so in love and life was a bed of roses. Then there were times when she could have murdered him for the stupid stuff he did, and it was even worse because the stuff that bugged her had been bugging her for 15 years!

That's the way it goes with me and DP too. Sometimes I absolutely adore him, sometimes I could scream kill him . Things that are currently irritating the living shit out of me:

• absolutely non-stop bloody singing and whistling
• leaving his hoodies and tracky pants draped over the chairs in the living room for days on end
• sneezing that sounds more like screaming and makes me jump out of my skin
• not turning the TV/radio/computer down when I get in from work so that I have to scream my response at him when he asks 'how was your day?'
• watching every single bastard program that's got anything to do with railways or construction or technology
• on days when it's his turn to cook, asking me what I want for dinner and then whingeing that anything I suggest is too complicated/expensive/boring/something else negative. WELL YOU BLOODY DECIDE WHAT TO COOK THEN!

He's really lovely and very sweet but at times my nerves take a shredding!
Come and share your gripes

• spends 45 mins in the bathroom every morning 'having a poo'
• when HE forgets to take anything for is dinner at work its always my fault (he is 26 not a baby)

-comes home from work and dumps his work bag and dirty uniform in the middle of the kitchen floor, but put his jeans and huddy in the coat cupboard -when he baths DD he always leaves the bath toys in the bath and her towel in the middle of the floor. -is THE pickiest eater I have ever met he won't eat chicken, any kind of real meat just processed crap, no vegetables except potatoes, no fish, no fruit, it drives me round the bend.

Oh and he has to have white noise to go to sleep so we have a air purifier on in our bedroom all night and it's sooooooo noisy

And he can never find anything of his, every morning it's where's this? Where's that? Then complains that I move everything, to which he gets told well don't leave your shit everywhere then!

That despite the lovely coat rack in the hallway he insists on hanging his jacket on the back of one of my dining chairs.

That he can't put his shoes on the shoe rack, instead they go next to it.

He takes time off work during school holidays to 'help with the kids' as I work from home, and he sits playing ps3 while I get up and make lunch, or rock and pat DS3 to sleep (and not getting paid)

But I love him and he makes up for it all in so many other ways!

There are soo many but whilst watching a tv programme together the constant asking of questions : who's that ? What's happening ? Why are they doing that ? We are watching the same bloody thing pay attention and let me watch it !
That feels slightly better !

He leaves his shoes right behind the front door so that I have to move them to leave, or they get stuck under the door if I'm coming in and can't see them so I can't open the door.
Leaves him keys in the locked door so I can't get in..... Maybe he is trying to tell me something.

Clandy - ditto with my DP and both of those!!!

IsThatTrue Count yourself lucky. My DP insists on "hanging" the coat (that he claims he loves and which I bought him) ON THE SODDING FLOOR!

I have the confess however that the constant questions during TV programmes and the pathological tendency to be late are MY annoying habits, that do DP's head in!

Loving this!!!

My dh is perfect, he's just amazing but...........

He will only drink 'proper' coffee made from ground coffee so I'm FOREVER clearing the grounds up!!! They seem to get everywhere and never go down the sink easily!

I make him a dinner - say this take me half an hour, he knows I'm cooking, is often in the kitchen while I'm cooking but waits till we've sat down to eat to decide he needs a drink............while his dinner goes cold! Why not plan ahead and get ready WHILE I cook!!!????

I love my DP to bits but he is an annoying sod
he forgets to put a bib on ds so I'm forever doing continuous washing of tiny clothes
Dirty dishes never quite make it to the dishwasher
He is welded to his kindle/laptop/phone. I've had to start a only naptimes and bedtimes policy on them.
He seems to live in a permanent disorganised bubble which is no longer endearing to live with. Though it was quite sweet when we first got together.

Mine breathes in bed at night. I sleep really badly, and struggle to get to sleep, and anything disturbs me, and I hate the feeling of his breath on my face or the back of my neck. I am not utterly unreasonable, though - he is allowed to carry on breathing as long as he faces away from me!

When we do the big supermarket shop, I used to try to load the trolley in a kind of order - keeping similar things together, so that they went on the belt together, and were packed together (ie all the fridge stuff together, all the store cupboard stuff together etc) - so that when we were unpacking, we could take the different bags to the relevant place and just unpack them.

Dh used to deliberately mix things up when he was packing the shopping bags, and then progressed to packing the trolley in as random a way as possible, despite how stabby this made me. He acknowledges that it would be logical to pack the shopping logically, but won't do it, just to wind me up. I have given up now, and I just let him do it all his way, and he has to do all the unpacking and putting-away.

And when we go,out, he will act as if he is entirely ready to leave, and will then leave me either standing by the car or sitting in it, and will wander back into the house without a word to do who-knows-what that has to be done before he leaves. For fucking fuck's sake do all that before saying 'Let's go out'.. Don't make me think you are ready to leave IF YOU BLOODY WELL AREN'T!!

Oh - I forgot - he asks me questions, doesn't listen to the answer and then asks me the same question 10 minutes later!

my dh picks his head

He what?

he picks his head! it drives me absolutely nuts especially if he does it in bed. But he does it everywhere

What do you mean though? Does he have bogies adorning his head?

no I love him dearly in spite of this as it really goes through me but he will pick pick at the back of his head constantly sometimes especially if he's stressed about something never known anyone else who does it.

He hangs tea towels on the oven door handle.

My dh steps out of trousers and leaves them, in the middle of the floor til I kick them them to the side that us
Balled up socks on the sofa/floor NEVER in his shoes
Trousers that he puts in the washing machine are nearly always one leg inside out, the other normal. I just dont get how the fuck he undresses!
Memory of a goldfish here too. Will never remember what I asked so has to go upstairs or wherever again. Annoying!
Would shower 10,12 times a day if given half the chance! Oh and dont bother mopping it up after flooding it will you dh

Oh yes and the sneezing. I'm constantly shoving a tissue in his hand but does he use it to catch a sneeze? Does he heck.

He washes half the dishes (no dishwasher here unfortunately) i just dont get why he doesnt wash all of them, he always has to leave a few. Strange strange man! I still love him tho.

YY to the stepping out of clothes thing. Shoes too - so he'll come into the kitchen and take off all his outdoor gear and literally leave it in the middle of the kitchen floor.

Insists he has a 'system' for key/wallet etc and constantly goes on about how he never loses these things due to his amazing system. He isn't able to tell me what the system is and is ALWAYS losing his feckin keys etc.

Sniffs when he's eating.

Sings along to the radio like he's been hired by G.A.Y. nightclub

Says 'all the best' to me on the phone to me when he's at work. I have threatened divorce for this.

Hands in pants - I pointed out that we was on the phone to my MOTHER with his hands down his undercrackers and that it was, quite frankly, a bit weird.

Love him really...

The earth-shattering sneezes...

I love my DH dearly, but:

• he NEVER puts his clean clothes away
• he gets cross if I try to put his clean clothes away
• he stores his dirty clothes in the same pile as his clean clothes, ie a massive pile on top of his chest of drawers
• he gets cross when I helpfully suggest that said pile may fall off the chest of drawers at random time of day/night, & possibly wake him up
• he calls me unreasonable at laughing at him for the potential clothes avalanche

• he only trims his (admittedly surprisingly soft) beard about twice a year
• he gets in a huff when if I mention the presence of crumbs or latte foam in his beard or moustache
• he refuses to remove the crumbs, on the basis that he is 'saving them for later'
• he becomes offended at my comparison of the above with Mr Twit (by Roald Dahl)
• he finally trims monstrously long facial foliage & gets in a huff when I don't immediately notice it
• he gets in a huff when I notice facial gardening & congratulate him on improved (neater) appearance
• he leaves enough beard trimmings on/in/around bathroom sink to make a fairly decent wig.
• when I comment on the denudation of the sink (by me & a fair few squirts of bathroom cleaner) he offers to never cut it again, & fashion some kind of elaborate facial edifice like you could see on a certain YouTube clip...

• he has massive feet (size 13) & therefore massive effing shoes, which he helpfully leaves all over the house.
• he laughs at me when I trip over his shoes. I'm not joking, they weigh about a stone each... No wonder he has thighs like a rugby player

• he sleeps like a car engine, by which I mean he tends to overheat, he turns over in his sleep a lot (& steals the duvet & bottom sheet in the process), he makes loud noises & weird smells

• he thinks he can fix everything with a smile. Problem is, he's so cute it usually works, very unhelpful...