What does your DP do that drives you crackers (lighthearted)?

[Lottapianos]

When I was moving in with my DP 5 years ago, I asked an older colleague for advice about long-term relationships. She said that she had been married for 15 years, and sometimes she and her H were just so in love and life was a bed of roses. Then there were times when she could have murdered him for the stupid stuff he did, and it was even worse because the stuff that bugged her had been bugging her for 15 years!

That's the way it goes with me and DP too. Sometimes I absolutely adore him, sometimes I could scream kill him . Things that are currently irritating the living shit out of me:

• absolutely non-stop bloody singing and whistling
• leaving his hoodies and tracky pants draped over the chairs in the living room for days on end
• sneezing that sounds more like screaming and makes me jump out of my skin
• not turning the TV/radio/computer down when I get in from work so that I have to scream my response at him when he asks 'how was your day?'
• watching every single bastard program that's got anything to do with railways or construction or technology
• on days when it's his turn to cook, asking me what I want for dinner and then whingeing that anything I suggest is too complicated/expensive/boring/something else negative. WELL YOU BLOODY DECIDE WHAT TO COOK THEN!

He's really lovely and very sweet but at times my nerves take a shredding!
Come and share your gripes

He can't put anything in the dishwasher, just on top of it. This means that instead of being filled over the course of the day and put on in the evening when it's full, the kitchen looks like a shit tip all day long, and he makes a huge performance out of Loading The Dishwasher after dinner.

THIS! THIS! HE DOES THIS TOO!

Have we had "leaves 2 ml of orange juice in the carton and puts it back in the fridge" yet?

Never cleans the kitchen work surface!

PDEMS the baked bean thing has just made me actually LOL in the canteen!

'Have we had "leaves 2 ml of orange juice in the carton and puts it back in the fridge" yet?

Jesus, this too! Or leaving an inch of wine in the bottle so he can convince himself he hasn't drank a whole bottle of wine And then moaning like hell when he asks for a glass of wine the next day and I give him his inch in a glass

Also, when he makes a coffee, he leaves the teaspoon in the cup while he drinks it, so all you can hear is clank-slurp-clank, clank-slurp-clank, clank-slurp-clank

Mine are the following:

Doing no regular housework and then every now and then getting really stressed and having to tidy EVERYTHING (asking me where to put it all, note). By contrast I chip away continually and make sure nothing gets too bad.

Coughing really loudly in the mornings.

Tidying illogically...e.g. when I'm still using something or have got out in anticipation of needing it shortly.

And never making direct requests. I piss him off in return by not telling him what he wants to hear, for example:

[me gardening, still well stuck in]
Are you intending to come in soon love?
Not really.
[sounding irritated/petulant] It's just I've been looking after the children for ages and I wanted to cut the grass.
If you want me to stop just say so and I will.

I despair of how many times this happens!

Um. Do we all actually have the same husband?

Oh yes. The lonely two chips left on the tray!

JUST PUT THEM ON THE FUCKING PLATE. ITS TTTTTWWWWWOOOO CHIPS. JUST TWO. THEY WONT BREAK THE PLATE.

And breathe.

Glasses and Cups

cups are like secret spys, they're just left everywhere, often for days. But the glasses thing drives me nuts, DP will have a drink (of water) with supper, will then go into the kitchen to put stuff away, have the need for a drink, and take a clean glass out the cupboard to use and then leave it on the worktop.

I don't think I've ever seen the same glass refilled, and then they are also just left wherever DP happened to be when it was decided that they have finished with it.

If he offers to make lunch/dinner it's spaghetti. Every. Bloody. Time.
When we're about to leave and miss the bus he:

• looks for his keys/wallet/phone
• needs to go upstairs, again, too look for spare change for a coffee
• must have a glass of water
• must clean his glasses

When he shaves, even though he cleans up, there's a huge patch of water round the sink and little fucking hairs that I keep finding for weeks afterwards; thank god he doesn't shave daily I'd have brained him
Dirty clothes 'by' the bin, 'near' the bin, even 'touching' the bin, but never in. Unrolled socks. - they get washed as is, if it takes ages for them to dry, tough titty!
Sniffs incessantly but never blows
'Treats' me to Mr Winky when he undresses for bed, bending over to take off his pants, gets me everytime, and he finds it hilarious!

But his 'goods' far outweigh his 'bads'

Leaves his clothes on top of the dirty washing hamper .

Somehow manages to take of his boxers and socks so the socks are attached to the boxers .

Never empties the dirty water after doing the dishes, or wipes water from the draining board.

Never puts cutlery away, insteads washes it and squashes the wet ones on top of the already dry ones in the drainer.

Breathes really loudly, its embarrassing if there is a quite moment in the cinema, he sounds like he's watching a different type of film IYSWIM .

Makes popping noises when he sleeps. I actually recorded him doing this in my phone, to prove it to him.

A lot of these have already been mentioned but I'm going to repeat. Apologies for the large number of poo-related irritations;

-Melodramatic sneezes
-Stripping off clothes and leaving them over the back of chairs
-Leaving a trail of black sock fluff that looks like spiders and scares me half to death
-Not stopping to talk to me when he gets in from work because he needs a poo
-Making us have 'how was your day' conversations whilst he's having a poo - see above
-Wiping his bum standing up
-Commenting on the size and shape of everything that falls out of his arse, often when I'm telling him something very important that has happened to me that day
-Deliberately not using the last sheet of toilet paper so he doesn't have to change it
-When he does change the toilet roll, leaving the old one ON TOP of the bathroom bin
-Not being able to open his eyes whilst he's washing his face so I have to stand beside him when we're getting ready for bed at night with his towel so he doesn't injure himself grappling around trying to find it with his eyes shut
-Always inspecting the tea to make sure he gets the bigger piece of fish/chicken/steak
-Drying up everything apart from one or two items. WHY?! WHY?!
-Picking his toe nails rather than cutting them
-Moaning that I'm hurting him when I cut his toe nails
-Having horrible dry skin on his heels that he won't let me scrape off

Dh does a good amount of these. However the biggie, the tin lid, the crowning glory:
He flips the edge/corner of the rug up with his toes
or
repeatedly slides his toes under the edge of the rug
or
repeatedly flips open the spring-loaded door at the bottom of the oven with his toe when he's talking to me. It gives me rage sweat.

"Wiping his bum standing up"?
How else? And more to the point, why are you in there while he's doing it?

I have thought of some more;

-Sits with his hand down his trousers then makes me smell 'Ball Hand' just for fun
-Farts into mugs and glasses and begs me to smell them. Disclaimer: this only happens occassionally and I have perfected the art of holding my breath while also appearing to inhale a big breath.
-Cleans worksurafces after washing up but somehow uses about a third of the worlds water supply so they need to be mopped up with kitchen roll
-Refuses to use 'harsh' cleaning products like bleach because the smell irritates him man up
-Does a funny dance that he makes me watch before he gets into bed. This dance involves him jiggling around either his tubby belly, his knob or his balls. It's funny. But not every single night
-He's terrified of the lawnmower man up

Hester We always have to talk about our days while he's having a poo because he's always desperate for one when he gets in from work. I wipe sitting down... I thought everyone did? Bum wiping thread needed?!

DH is lovely and probably a lot less annoying than I am...

But he has the tv on ridiculously loud if he's watching football - and even though it's blasting out so loud that the windows rattle, he still sits perched on the edge of his seat with a strained look on his face like he's struggling to hear it .

My DP sings at home a lot. It's lovely but he generally chooses songs that he doesn't know the words to so ends up improvising. It drives me mad.

Likes to stack the dishwasher, fair enough, be my guest, but always leaves the door dropped down so that I bang into it and scrape skin off my ankles.
Likes to leave bath water in bath for hours on end. Just doesn't occur to him to empty the bath.
He Has just got round to tidying out his sock drawer. Have now got several bundles of socks sitting on the floor next to drawer which he has decided not to keep. Hasn't occurred to him to place socks in bin, just to place on the bedroom floor. Waiting for sock fairy no doubt.

He is LOUD. Loud sneezing, loud coughing, loud clearing his throat, loud eating, loud scraping his plate with his knife and fork.

He is the most amiable of men and puts up with my nagging gentle chiding so I try hard to remember this every time he is LOUD.

Does not clean the toilet after use
Stops watching a film or show for whatever reason and then rewinds the TV
Talks about how he hates Margaret thatcher ( this is recent)
Always sees the negative in everything!