what would you sacrifice for love?

[HeartShapedSaw]

I'm basically in a situation where I have to chose between my family and the man I think may be my one true love, and I honestly can't sacrifice my family and friends for him. It's such a horrible situation and makes we wonder what other people would do.

What would you or wouldn't you give up for someone you loved?

[SolidGoldBrass]

The only set of circumstances in which I think it's not just OK but absolutely right to choose a partner over family and friends would be if your family and friends are bigots. If, for instance, you have found someone from a different culture or ethnic group and your friends and relatives are all racists... then the right moral decision would be to dump them for the relationship and see if they will redeem themselves, given the chance.

But not otherwise. Generally the people who know and love you are worth more than some numpty you've shagged a few times. Romantic relationships are not that important.

[Queenbee245]

my family disliked my Dh, they thought that his bad upbringing deemed him not good enough for me and in the first few months we were together he did make a mistake but we worked through it and we are still together and married 8 years later, he has matured a whole lot from when I first met him.

Like I said not everyone can change but I think you will find lots f posters on here that have had their dps act questionably but they have worked through it/attended counselling etc and are now in a better place

[Lovingfreedom]

I've made plenty of mistakes...that's not the point. I would not feel I deserve to be someone's friend or partner however great I am. It's their choice and mine and hopefully we both benefit from the relationship.

[Lovingfreedom]

....and my earlier point was gendered on purpose because IME women do often seem to...feel they owe men a relationship, a chance, a shag etc. there are men like this too, but it seems more common for women.

[MadBusLady]

I've noticed it is also built into the language women habitually use to advise each other about relationships. "Give him a chance... give it time... work on it." Basically suggesting that the woman put herself out on the offchance things might get better. It's very nice in a way, it indicates a willingness to think the best of people. It's just that some people really don't deserve to be thought the best of, and have proved that fact repeatedly in the past.

Maybe men use this language to each other in similar discussions, I don't know.

[AnyFucker]

Madbuslady...they don't

it's peculiar to women to keep compromising themselves against all the evidence that says they shouldn't, IMO

[Thisisaeuphemism]

Talking of language, I found it interesting that both the op and the other person who said they were in a similar situation, used the phrasing, 'the one' and/or 'one true love'. OP, you sound young and feisty, you surely deep down know that there isn't only one person for you in this life? There are many people you could be exceedingly happy with.

If you aren't going to drop him, and I understand the ties are strong, do follow the advice here of letting him prove himself - let him do pick up and drop offs with your mum or friends - see if he can handle it, see if he has changed...

[AnyFucker]

I have said this before

I reckon my "one true love" is an Inuit eskimo living in an igloo at the South Pole

what's a girl to do ?

[MadBusLady]

You think you've got problems. My one true love has been dead for ten thousand years. The fabric of space and time is such a PITA.

[Thisisaeuphemism]

Oof that is unlucky both of you.

I believe my "the one" is a prisoner on death row. Its fine tho - I'm giving him a second chance.

[AnyFucker]

indeed

[AnyFucker]

erk, Thisis, you may just be aping some real MN posters there, with your Death Row Romance

[Thisisaeuphemism]

Oh shit. Again.

[AnyFucker]

[SolidGoldBrass]

You're right about it being mainly women who are encouraged to compromise, put themselves out, forgive, change, etc for the sake of a man. Even when they don't want a relationship with him or any man at all in the first place. Some people do seem to get a bit unsettled at the idea of a woman rejecting a man's romantic/sexual advances, as though there's something strange about the idea that women have any agency - they should wait passively for a man to 'want' them and then be grateful that he does.

[Doha]

Same as Queenbee. I had a choice him or them. Because l felt they hadn't given him a chance to prove himself and l knew what he was really like-l chose him.
30 years later we are still together about to become GP's. MY DPs gradually came round and by the time my DC's were born he was accepted as part of the family.

[Lovingfreedom]

Wow!! Bizarre discussion...sacrifice for love? I'd give someone my last Rolo...will that do?

[AnyFucker]

I might risk it for a biscuit

More than that...no, not really.

[Lovingfreedom]

Ah yes but can you stand it with Bandit?

[AnyFucker]

I'd never give up a KitKat
For a Twat

[AnyFucker]

Or cry over my Club
While he fucks off to the Pub

[AnyFucker]

I'd not crumble my digestive
I could find someone better to be wiv

(getting desperate)

[Lovingfreedom]

I'd rather pick up a p p p penguin

[AnyFucker]

[BigBadBabbyDaddy]

My work here is done!