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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

what would you sacrifice for love?

100 replies

HeartShapedSaw · 16/04/2013 18:34

I'm basically in a situation where I have to chose between my family and the man I think may be my one true love, and I honestly can't sacrifice my family and friends for him. It's such a horrible situation and makes we wonder what other people would do.

What would you or wouldn't you give up for someone you loved?

OP posts:

Report

AnyFucker · 17/04/2013 12:51

Are you having fun, bigdaddy?

BigBadBabbyDaddy · 17/04/2013 13:01

My bad it was just that last line from Pandimoniaa. I hope there will be no sacrificing of babes/children and the concept of sacrificing a child (in any sense of the word) for love just seamed a little of an oxymoron!

I thought it rather funny.

WTFisABooyhoo · 17/04/2013 13:40

are there any mint clubs on offer?

OhLori · 17/04/2013 13:56

I'm liking this thread

AnyFucker · 17/04/2013 14:14

Daddy, do you have a big, bad babby ?

How big and exactly how bad are we talking here ?

Enough to only facilitate the substitution of said BigBadBabby with something very manly like a Yorkie bar ('they're not for women...') or a Chunky KitKat or summat ?

MadBusLady · 17/04/2013 14:30

They're doing FIVE finger kitkats now. We are in the end times.

I have biscuits now. I went to the shop for them. I blame daddy.

HeartShapedSaw · 17/04/2013 16:48

Thankyou BabyDaddy for hijacking my thread..

For all of you who think I am being melodramatic or exaggerating things, I am not. My family/friends MAY eventually accept me being back with him, but logistically they would not want to be around him so would not visit etc and friendships would die out this way.

Yes, they do hate him that much, and yes, they would be so angry our relationship would be permanently affected.

OP posts:

WTFisABooyhoo · 17/04/2013 16:55

any thoughts on the other comments?

HeartShapedSaw · 17/04/2013 16:57

other comments?

OP posts:

badinage · 17/04/2013 16:58

Then unless all your family and friends are delusional (unlikely) this bloke's a wrongun'.

Whereas there's a whole world full of blokes who are not and with whom you could have some lovely relationships without having to lose anyone or anything.

Squitten · 17/04/2013 16:58

But WHY?

Every couple fights. Every couple has arguments. These are not the kinds of things that would turn someone's entire family and friends against them. You say they 'hate' him! That's an extreme response.

So what exactly has he said or done to you that they know about? I honestly think there is more going on here than either you realise OP or are willing to admit.

MadBusLady · 17/04/2013 16:59

I think it's all been said above. Either:

Your family/friends are uniformly unreasonable and nasty and don't want you to be happy. In which case, defying them isn't really that much of a sacrifice.

or:

They're right and looking out for you, and this guy is a twunt whom you shouldn't be poking with a shitty stick, never mind sacrificing family and friends for his lurve.

There aren't really any halfways that I can see. Without knowing more about him or them, it's hard to say which.

WTFisABooyhoo · 17/04/2013 17:01

yes, other comments. there were quite a few.

HeartShapedSaw · 17/04/2013 17:02

Ok, fine.

Personally I dont think our relationship was as bad as my family do. But I was young, we broke up regularly and dramatically and I would move back home really upset and my mum would spend months trying to make me feel better etc, and then I would see him and get back with him and it would all start again.

We both saw other people between dating, when we were apart. I broke up with him when I found out I was pregnant, and he is guilty of treating me pretty badly during my pregnancy, and I think its that more than anything that my mother hates him for. I was vulnerable and alone, and he did not support me and sent many abusive texts etc.

OP posts:

Thisisaeuphemism · 17/04/2013 17:03

You really feel you would be sacrificing your friends and family for this man? You dont think theyll just sigh and go, oh well, its your decision?

If so, then i agree with madbuslady but am leaning towards 2.

It didn't work last time, why would it work now?

WTFisABooyhoo · 17/04/2013 17:05

he was abusive to you at a time in your life when you were most vulnerable and needed his support? huh, can sort of see your family's point tbh.

why on earth do you want to be with someone like that?

AnyFucker · 17/04/2013 17:06

After you've just said all that, could you remind us again exactly why you think he is a Good 'Un ?

And for the record, BabyDaddy was doing no harm. You had bogged off and we were entertaining ourselves.

Truthfully, if you were my family member I would be pissed off at you because you sound like you were at least as bad as he was thus compounding the conviction that this is probably a Very Bad Idea but I wouldn't cut you out of my life.

I expect you would me though, if I dared to give you an honest opinion.

Am I right ?

HeartShapedSaw · 17/04/2013 17:06

If you recall, in my OP I said I would not be able to sacrifice my family and friends for him if that was the choice I was faced with - which I basically am.

Obviously I love him, many people including you have trouble understanding why, as do I a lot of the time.

OP posts:

HeartShapedSaw · 17/04/2013 17:07

AnyFucker, I havent said anything horrible..

I was just answering questions..

OP posts:

Thisisaeuphemism · 17/04/2013 17:09

He sounds horrible, sorry.

Is part of the appeal that you want a 'family' for DS?

I don't think your mum would really cut you off, but she would be very annoyed, and worried - as I would be if you were my daughter.

garlicyoni · 17/04/2013 17:11

This is just another cycle in an ongoing disaster saga, isn't it? Nothing's changed except the date.

Fine, go ahead and "sacrifice" your entire support network for your melodrama. I suspect they're all threatening to ditch you in a last, desperate attempt to shake you out of it. But they'll still be there for you when it cocks up again, saying "we tried to warn you". Things will turn out this way, you know ... why not cut straight to the heartbreak, lean on your friends and write the closing chapter of Doomed Love by HeartShapedSaw?

TheSilveryPussycat · 17/04/2013 17:11

This man does not sound like a keeper, frankly. And I'm only considering what you've written about him. Even if your family was Ok with you getting back together, I would say the same thing.

Concentrate on effective co-parenting.

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AnythingForLove · 17/04/2013 17:12

I just wanted to say that I am in a similar (ish) situation.

There is a possibility that I could get back with the man I consider to be "the one" for me. He broke my heart last year and treated me quite badly (more outof cowardice than malice I think) afterwards. The problem is that I have never stopped loving him. Now there's a chance we could get back together, I know I would do it in a heartbeat, even though my head tells me that it might be a disaster

I know that my friends and family would really struggle to welcome him back. My mum in particular. (My DC has no idea what went on or how traumatic it was - he is not his dad) so that wouldn't be an issue

BTW I'm not a silly flibbertygibbet. I'm a reasonably sensible professional woman in her 30s. And right here right now I'd say I'd do almost anything for love.

I'm not sure how helpful that is OP but I just wanted to say that there is someone here who understands a little of how you feel

HeartShapedSaw · 17/04/2013 17:12

Thisisaeupemism - you're totally right, I dont think she would do it out of malice, she would genuinely be concerned for me and DS.

You're pretty much right.

OP posts:

HeartShapedSaw · 17/04/2013 17:13

AnythingforLove - thanks
Its nice to see I'm not the only fool blinded by love and not able to see reason! Its so hard isnt it..

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