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Original poster

Forgetting birthdays

17 replies

RoxyLady · 15/04/2013 15:15

Its my birthday on Wednesday and I think my partner has completely forgotten. He hasnt even mentioned it. Do I just let him forget or do I say something to him?
A part of me is interested to see how detached he really is. All he does and thinks about is work. We never go out and the only time we spend together is meals or when he finds time to play with our daughter.
Feeling a bit invisible.

OP posts:
Lueji · 15/04/2013 15:41

Wait until Wednesday at least.
:)

What usually happens?

CogitoErgoSometimes · 15/04/2013 15:42

I never leave these things to chance. :) Well in advance I flag up the Great Day, helpfully offering specific ideas on gifts and so on. Anything extra, I appreciate. Rather than worrying, mention it!

hellsbellsmelons · 15/04/2013 15:43

Sounds to me like you need to have a serious chat with each other about what is happening in your relationship!
If it was me, I'd be telling him and giving him a list of what I want as presents!!!!
Happy birthday for Wednesday - hope he hasn't really forgotten!

Original poster
RoxyLady · 15/04/2013 15:47

Think i might wait and see if he has. I just want to see if he still attentive because it doesnt feel like he is.

OP posts:
Mumsyblouse · 15/04/2013 15:54

I don't agree that testing him is a good idea, I often forget birthdays/or realise very late but this is not a reflection of how much I value my friends, for example, more a reflection of my disorganization. I would say 'it's my birthday on Wed, what shall we do?' But I don't like game playing in this scenario. Having said that, other things don't seem great, so why not have a chat with him about how things are going and decide if you want to build in more time togther/nights out/what this might look like.

Original poster
RoxyLady · 15/04/2013 19:20

Hardly a friend though is it.

OP posts:
metimenowplease · 15/04/2013 19:28

Sounds as though you've had some resentment building up towards him for not putting as much into the relationship as you'd like. I think you need to find a better way to broach it with him than waiting to see if he forgets your birthday.

FarBetterNow · 15/04/2013 21:38

Have you got any friends or family that you could have a special outing with in the daytime to celebrate your birthday?

Maybe mention plan an outing then mention it to him and see if it clicks in his head.

I don't think you should ignore your birthday even if he has forgotten.

How old is your DD?

Original poster
RoxyLady · 17/04/2013 10:51

So yes. He has forgotten my bday. Im strangely calm..
Not sure it will last though.

OP posts:
ScrambledSmegs · 17/04/2013 11:12

Happy birthday! Thanks Thanks Thanks I hope you can do some nice stuff for yourself today. Can you meet up with friends?

I forgot my Dad's birthday this year. It doesn't mean I don't love him, just that i've been a bit distracted recently.

Just tell him. Chances are he'll be mortified and try to make it up to you. Unless there are other issues?

MrsSpagBol · 17/04/2013 11:18

Happy Birthday! So sorry he forgot Flowers

Doha · 17/04/2013 12:32

Happy birthday -perhaps he is planing something later on tonight Wine Flowers [chocolate emotion]

AMumInScotland · 17/04/2013 13:06

Some people are just useless at remembering specific dates like birthdays - what's more important is the fact that he doesn't seem to be caring or attentive at any time. If he forgot birthdays but randomly made a fuss of you at other times, then I'd say it's probably just one of those things and not to worry about it.

But it sounds like your relationship has drifted into a bit of a rut - I think you'd be better off sitting him down for a serious talk about what you are getting out of this relationship and where it needs work. Hopefully that will kick-start an improvement.

cakehappy · 17/04/2013 13:11

Happy Birthay Roxy!! Sorry he forgot your birthday, I would be quite cross if I were you. No excuse really to forget your partners birthday, you wouldnt forget his!! Hope you have a great day regardlesssss!!!!

hellsbellsmelons · 18/04/2013 09:42

Ahhh... I'm sorry he forgot your birthday!
But... it wasn't really a surprise was it?
You need to talk things through together.
Happy birthday!!! Hope you have a good day and get out and about with friends and family!
Enjoy. Flowers

Shodan · 18/04/2013 10:01

Happy Birthday! Flowers

Does he 'do' birthdays himself? I just ask because my DH 'forgot' my birthday last year- not even a card. I admit, I was very upset-not for lack of a present (although that would've been nice, of course), but because he didn't even put a minute's worth of effort in ordering a card from somewhere like Moonpig.

My stance was that he can remember to organise his golf games, do extra work on his laptop and watch golf etc on the laptop but not get his wife a card.

His stance was that he doesn't 'do' birthdays himself- he genuinely doesn't care if his birthday passes unnoticed and unmarked by anyone, so didn't quite realise that it's important to others. Not a mistake he'll make again, at least with regards to my birthday.

So could it be that?

Shodan · 18/04/2013 10:02

DH is a genuinely lovely man though-it wasn't that he didn't care enough about me, he does.

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