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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dating thread no 51

999 replies

JulietteMontague · 13/04/2013 12:59

All tales of online and real life dating here!

OP posts:
Scrazy · 24/04/2013 22:02

Hey, yes you must reply to every message you get........not, just ignore the no-hopers, better still block them so they don't try again. Only reply to the ones you feel like. Honestly, lots of men just send the same mail to most of the women, hoping they might get a reply.

JulietteMontague · 24/04/2013 22:05

Scazy that's really good going. I may try to 5:2 I am very anti diet but that method does seem to work. 10lb in 8 weeks is impressive. I am finally 2.5 kg off my target, its been a long haul though. The M word has a lot to answer for, I have never found it so difficult to loose weight in my life.

Hey I've never had a cock shot on okc, most people with kinks on there are quite open about it so I do get odd requests but always polite. Good luck with it.

OWW the suspense is killling me Grin

OP posts:
JulietteMontague · 24/04/2013 22:06

Hey yes you are being too polite. OD will soon sort that out Grin

OP posts:
splishsplosh · 24/04/2013 22:07

My coffee date today was not good - wouldn't have recognised him from his photo, turned out to be a hooray henry buffoony type, and had his hand on my thigh after about 5 mins.... oh well. The man in London is becoming more attractive by the minute.

Scrazy · 24/04/2013 22:09

Juliette, that's not much to lose but it's harder the less you have. It might become a way of life to do it once a week which should maintain your weight but I should read up on any health risks, not that I take much notice drawing on a cig. I've never dieted before either.

HeyBeenTryingToMeetYou · 24/04/2013 22:16

Thanks juliette and scrazy, I will start blocking and repress my over active politeness gene Smile. Am interested in the 5:2 diet as well as am just piling it on at the moment. Sounds good about the no cock shots thing, and general openness of OK Cupid.

Urgh to hand on thigh splish, just grim. How did you deal with it?

Scrazy · 24/04/2013 22:22

They never do look like their pics do they? Occasionally you might be pleasantly surprised. Wonder if they think that about us Grin. It's not really about photos, it's so much more than that, it's called chemistry and not easy to find.

You cannot tell until you meet and even then it might take weeks, months even before you know it's right or wrong.

OhWesternWind · 24/04/2013 22:27

Oh goodness, really really not a good date at all. In fact, this was probably even worse than Bitumen Man.

He turned up late (transpired later because he had gone shopping in Sainsbury's which is near the bar) but not terribly so - phoned me to say he was outside so I told him to come in. He did not look one single bit like his photo and in fact I don't actually think it was him, or if it was him it was ten/fifteen years ago. He wasn't the age he said he was, either. He told me very soon it was his first internet date, lots of talk about his ex, fussing about drinks, wanted a coke but they only had draught not bottles, so he had a beer but he was shouting across at the barmaid where was his beer, so embarrassing. Quite difficult to understand him.

After he'd been there about five minutes, he asked me what I thought of him - I kind of fudged, said I'd only met him five minutes ago but he seemed nice. Mistake, he then during the course of the next hour told me 1) he wanted to see me again 2) he wanted to go on a walk with me 3) he wanted to cook risotto for me 4) he wanted to go to the market in my town with me not this Saturday but next Saturday 5) he wanted to go to an Italian restaurant with me. I was sort of nodding and agreeing a bit as I just didn't know what to do.

Then I was getting near the end of my drink after about an hour and he goes, let's go for a walk, I would like to see the town. I said, well I will finish my drink first so I did, then we went for a quick tour of the town. Very small town so this took about fifteen minutes there and back. Got back to the bar and he just goes "Right, I will go to my car now" and off he went after a bit of palaver about he would phone me and all that. Didn't offer me a lift or to walk me to a taxi or anything.

Really intense, lots of stuff about his ex, lots of stuff about religion and catholicism, nothing light or fun or joking. Didn't get my sense of humour at all. Very bad clothes, looked kind of scruffy and odd. Really not my type but the worst thing was this sodding BEARD that had appeared, not on any of his photos. I loathe, hate and detest beards urgh and would not have gone on a date with a bearded gentleman at all.

Oh and his name wasn't what I thought it was, but that could be my fault for getting the wrong end of the stick but disconcerted me a bit. I have been writing messages addressed to the wrong name and he never said! And he admitted that a friend had written his profile for him - it was a really nice profile too so very misleading.

What can I say to him if/when he pops up again?

But, on the better news front, nice texting from Indie throughout the day and the Reappearing Engineer is doing alright as well.

Sorry, that is a huge long post but I am feeling a bit discombobulated by the whole thing.

splishsplosh · 24/04/2013 22:27

I was rubbish at dealing with the hand - I moved away slightly. He asked if it was a bit much - I said yes, and he removed it, but it kept creeeping back as if it had a mind of its own, complete with stroking thumb. I kept checking my phone hoping it was time to leave, as had to go and pick up the kids.

I think I can safely say he's not even got potential to be a grower!

Scrazy · 24/04/2013 22:36

Oh no, bad dates tonight.

OWW, the last but one I went on, I had met him previously on a night out and didn't fancy him one bit but his pics were deceiving. Had one coke then walked back to my car and said to him 'thanks for coming to meet me' bye! No eye contact from me and he shrugged and knew the score. He didn't bother getting back in touch so got the message. It's about body language so hope Italian sensed it and you won't have to make excuses. If not then, hmmm just ignore or maybe say you don't think you are compatible (done that before).

Indie sounds promising.

HeyBeenTryingToMeetYou · 24/04/2013 22:44

Sounds dire OWW, do you think there's a chance that it was the 'friend' who was in the photos and who was writing the messages (because of the name change?). All sounds very unsettling. I like the sound of Indie.

Double urgh to the 'stroking thumb' splish. Get off!

Pomegranatenoir · 24/04/2013 22:47

Oh oww how very rubbish, would be worse if you didn't have the lovely indie to fall back on.

Have you made plans to see indie again??

KinNora · 24/04/2013 22:47

Blimey OWW that sounds horrendous, good job you met Indie yesterday. If he pops up just say nice to meet you but fuck off it didn't really work for me, you beardy bozo.

Me no likey beards either but Showbiz's was tolerable, probably only due to top class snogging.

Splish cheeky bugger, how dare he think he had the right to touch you like that, especially after you'd made your disquiet clear.

Scrazy that's really impressive. I don't 'do' diets as I've always found the diet industry to be a giant brainwashing con but this seems to work well and to have beneficial effects on various organs and systems so I'm prepared to give it a go. obviously I also want to look like a complete fox in the event of me ever getting sexy time ever ever again

Pomegranatenoir · 24/04/2013 22:47

What's the general consensus on extremely handsome pe teachers?? Got one messaging me on pof. He is gorgeous!!!

OhWesternWind · 24/04/2013 22:51

Splish at least I didn't have that sort if thing to deal with. Urgh.

Have been thinking quite a bit about Indie today. He's one that looks better than his pictures. Lovely accent and he's tall and slim, good arms too from what I could see. Have a thing about arms. He's just texted to ask me to have a think about when we can meet up again - definitely will. He's very easy to talk to as well.

JulietteMontague · 24/04/2013 22:55

Splish ew to any uninvited stroking an a stroking thumb is just, beugh! As for 'is this a bit much?' er yes, that's why I'm moving away from you.

OWW that does sound rather odd. How strange, and how rude. Fussing over the Coke? can you imagine what he'd be like in a Italian restaurant.

Next! and you still have Indie too.

OP posts:
KinNora · 24/04/2013 22:55
JulietteMontague · 24/04/2013 22:59

Scazy I've shed 9kg so far, determined to loose the rest in the next month. That diet is meant to have a lot of benefits to it I will resolutely not be trying to exercise to exhaustion thing that can go with it

OP posts:
Bant · 24/04/2013 23:36

Hi tryingtomeetyou . Extra cool points for using pixies lyrics.

Being a discerning type of bloke, I tend to only send a few messages to people on OD, having thought the scattergun approach was a bit crass. Each one I send will be a bit different as I'll try and include something relevant about their profile to show I've actually read it.

If I don't get a reply, I just shrug and move on. It's polite to send a 'thanks but no thanks' to people who've made an effort but to be honest getting a rejection is actually more hurtful than being ignored, so I'd say to just ignore. Seeing a response from someone I really kind if fancied, then opening it and finding its a 'no thanks' is a bit disheartening.

That's just my opinion though..

Buffys gone home. I'm sleepy :)

ike1 · 24/04/2013 23:57

Oh god OWW its that sort of thing that kind of puts one off OD ...the Evil Dead gave me a bit of adrenalin. I think I will pull some of my profile though cos there areliterally zero blokes to fancy.

mercury7 · 25/04/2013 00:32

thats why I always skype first OWW,
re the fasting diet I get the theory but I'm not sure I could keep it up long term
it's so confusing..not long ago the best advice was 'small frequent measl' now we're suppose to not eat for 18 hours to deplete our glycogen reserves Confused

mercury7 · 25/04/2013 00:35

and I agree with Bant, I'd prefer no response to a 'thanks but no thanks'

Snapespeare · 25/04/2013 06:33

oww i'm glad italian was rubbish. i'm rooting for indie [hatshop]

48 glad your mum is settling back in.

waves at thread. i'm off to sheffield for the day for work. it's WAY too early to be chatty

OhWesternWind · 25/04/2013 07:17

Why does everyone really like Indie?? I mean, I do (a bit) but he has a lot of fans on here! Hoping to see him Sunday if I can get a babysitter ... Will have to have a little cwtch before we say nos da so I know if there's anything there physically. I think there will be, but you can never be sure.

Shame I used up a babysitter yesterday! What a waste. Still a bit stunned by last night's experience. Really weird and unsettling, got a very strange vibe off him.

Great news about your mum 48!

KirstyWirsty · 25/04/2013 07:44

Morning all!! When is spring arriving? It is very late

OWW shame about the date hopefully indie has the spark

splish your stroker gave me the heebie jeebies .. Yeuch!

I am getting quite excited about Sunday ... I need to find a new name .. KWFWB is not very catchy