Partner handed notice in at work.WTF ?

[Lousylo66]

Without even discussing it. In complete disbelief. Works in construction industry so over the last few years he has seen probably 2/3 of his work colleagues being made redundant, what with the recession and such like.To make matters worse my job isn't entirely safe - I work for a financially beleaguered NHS trust who are threatening to makes several 100 staff redundant. Don't know whether to laugh or cry :(

Has he got plans or has he just jacked it in? Some kind of bizarre mid-life crisis maybe?

Why has he done it?

Is he often so impulsive?

Was there any hint he wasn't happy? That is really not on, unless there were problems at work or he has MH issues?

Does he have any plan regarding what to do next?
Do you have DCs?
Hope you can discuss this with him.

Has there been some "trouble" at work that he is not telling you about that could have prompted this?

I thought of that too oldwomaninashoe

He may not have discussed it beforehand but you certainly need to pin him down and get him to explain himself now...

Has he definitely done it of his accord and isn't covering for being sacked/redundant or something?

Sorry to be worse-case-scenario, it just sounds so odd.

Do you live together?

I'm afraid my first thought was also that he hasn't resigned... Is he working his notice period?

What has he said to you?

Thanks for answering :) Only reason I found out was because I came across an old web page on my iPad about how to compose a resignation letter . He hasn't done anything like this before, in fact has spent long periods -12 years plus- in each of his last 2 posts. Not considered the possibility that he may have massively cocked up at work but you never know. He has been very unhappy there for ages, but then again he's a bit of a cup half empty, woe is me type anyway.
As far as finances are concerned, he does have some money stashed away from the proceeds of his mum's house being sold after she died, but tbh most of that has gone in a trust fund for the kids. What's worrying me the most is how he will cope psychologically, he's usually a nightmare to live with after a weeks holiday let alone off work indefinitely. Tried to tackle him about it and he just accuses me of being selfish because he'll be getting in my way at home !

He's working his notice at moment. Trouble is however good at his job he is, at 45 he's getting on and won't necessarily walk into another one very easily, if there are any around :( I can just see it now, getting up at 12ish, mooching around all day and then up till early hours in front of tv. Good role model for kids, not. I don't sound sympathetic but just think he's fucked up big style.

Unless his mum's house went for millions, he'll get through any money he has 'stashed' in double quick time. I'd be raging if my partner did this without even discussing it first. Not helpful, I know!

i don't understand why you equate him handing in his notice with lying about in bed all day?

If he's really unhappy there then its fair enough really. But not discussing it and being arsey with u when u ask is out of order.
I still think theres more to it though.

I 'm also puzzled. Resigning is usually a pretty decisive thing to do. People either resign because they're very unhappy, a better job has come along, or something else tangible. I'm amazed that, rather than explain why he did it or what his plans are, he not only seems to be expecting to stay home but is going on the defensive, calling you selfish! Does he really have nothing else lined up? No explanation?

Because he has a tendency to sleep in at weekends and on holidays, maybe til 10- 11o'clock - certainly can't see him jumping up to take kids to school for 8:30. Just think he will struggle without the structure of a normal working day, plus will feel very isolated as not exactly inundated with friends :(

But still no explanation?

this seems like the perfect time for you to redistribute the workload around the house then, OP

you say you're worried about him not being a good role model for your DCs by laying around, but this happens anyway

don't 'tackle' him about his decision, being his equal partner he needs to sit down, like a grown-up and plan the future with you.

Where do you live? the construction industry in the south is currently booming, after the Shard's completition there was a lull but there isn't now, the worlds 2nd most expensive (privately funded) building is currently being built in London (3 year project), it was in the news this week, there are many other major projects including cross rail etc so there is actually a shortage of good people currently, can you turn this into a positive? Help him get his CV tarted up? his longevity in previous roles will be very attractive to an employer. (he will need a good confident line about why he left current job for interviews).

Wherever you ae based there will be opportunity, rather than arguing with him try buoying him up?

Thanks for all your advice. Need to sit down calmly with him and discuss his plans :) he's done it now so no going back. We live in north west so not overwhelmed with work up here, saying that he's been travelling down to London twice a month for a massive job there. Just needed a bit of rational common sense I think :)

He has walked the plank voluntarily but it isn't rocket science that he will need something to focus on and some income. 45 is not the gateway to decrepitude but if he has a glass half empty disposition and doesn't have any set plan I'd worry too.

Is he depressed, how long ago was he bereave? How is his physical health, what about libido?

Think probably depressed tbh. V little family apart from me and 2 children, 2 close friends. Drinks probably a bit too much than is healthy though don't think that has impinged on work. Think I really need to pin him down on what his exact plans are without been accusatory.

Hope you managed to have a chat with him over the weekend.