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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

Is it worth telling the TRUTH??

16 replies

smileyforest · 09/04/2013 22:11

Done it now...

E-mailed my exH daughter (who is 26y) to tell her some truths.
Sick of hearing how i was the one who cheated...how I'm mental..
Just told the truth...wasn't a bitter horrible e-mail...didn't make out that I was brilliant all the time (he was EA)....just the truth..

The feeling was there to do it.....

OP posts:

TisILeclerc · 09/04/2013 22:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lucyellensmum95 · 09/04/2013 22:45

Well, i guess if it made you feel better.....

Xales · 09/04/2013 22:46

Don't expect them to believe you. It will be used as another example to show how mental you are.

Now you have done it move on, let them go and don't fret about what they think of you any more than they do what you think about them.

deleted203 · 09/04/2013 23:00

Hmm...I honestly couldn't give a shit what my Ex-H 26 yo daughter thought of me, TBH (if I had one). She obviously will take her dad's side over yours anyway. Emailing her to deny cheating and tell her some home truths about her Dad seems pretty pointless, but if it made you feel better that's fine.

MadBraLady · 09/04/2013 23:02

When you say you're "sick of hearing" the untruths, who is telling you? I hope you're not still having to talk to this chump exH! Do you have kids together? Is there any reason at all to still be in touch with him and his family? If not, do yourself a favour, let them go and don't worry about what they think. There are no magic "moments of justice" with toxic people.

DuelingFanjo · 09/04/2013 23:03

Personally I think you've done the wrong thing. What should it matter to her? What should it matter to you now?

Original poster

smileyforest · 09/04/2013 23:28

Yep teenage boys together..
Rightly or wrongly.....off my chest....don't care what they actually think....does feel better to let them know the truth....
No they are not part of my life anymore....
Maybe when you have been the recipient of EA for many years...the need to speak up for yourself overcomes you at times.....
Rightly or wrongly...............

OP posts:

UnlikelyAmazonian · 10/04/2013 00:19

Good on you I say. Well done. In the long run she'll come to know some truths herself. Nothing beats standing up for yourself and she is old enough to hear it.

Lucyellensmum95 · 10/04/2013 08:42

The trouble is smiley, you spoke up to the wrong person. Why does this girl need to know these things? I'm sorry but it just sounds vindictive.

Doha · 10/04/2013 09:04

Your SD is an adult and if she has been fed a load of bullshit about you she deserves to know the other side of the story. That is not to say that she will believe you and may feel that you come across as a vindictive bitch--but you also had a story to tell,

Don't expect her to believe you, blood is thicker than water, she will believe her dad. However if it has made you feel better, that fine and maybe-just ,aybe you have planted a wee seed of doubt in her mind

Original poster

smileyforest · 10/04/2013 22:34

Yep...I understand how you feel Im being vindictive..... and Of course she will stand by her Dad...i dont expect anything else....and I have spoken up to exH too...buts what is wrong letting someone know the truth? I actually supported my ex Step D...when her own Father wasn't interested in her....it wasn't a nasty bitchy e-mail....just the truth...and yeh....feel better :))))

OP posts:

Lucyellensmum95 · 10/04/2013 23:13

Im glad you feel better - how does your SD feel?

Lueji · 10/04/2013 23:25

For what is worth, I told DS the truth and he was 6 at the time.
Not in a vindictive way, but to explain to him why we had to leave and so on.
He witnessed other things later, which ex still denies 2 years later and DS calls him a lier. Sigh.

Anyway, all you can do is tell the truth. No need to cover for the bastards. Sensitively, but the truth.

Her dad is her dad, so she may feel the need to be on his side.
You may need to let it go.

chroniclackofimagination · 11/04/2013 00:12

But why does she need to hear it? How does that help you or her? I know more about my parent's marriage than I ever wanted or needed to and all it did was hurt.

It is painful and frustrating to be on the periphery of a failed relationship, you have no say and no power to effect change but are in the firing line a cascade of pain and resentment. She will probably take her dads side (unless you are very close and have protected her/looked out for her wellbeing?)

cumfy · 11/04/2013 02:01

So is this a lot of stuff she doesn't know about ?

Did you say why you hadn't mentioned the stuff before ?

Hopefully she'll email you and you can discuss.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 11/04/2013 09:08

I doubt it'll improve anything but I generally think it's healthy to express and assert yourself rather than have your BP go off the scale with resentment and frustration. You can always defend the truth. Just be prepared for the backlash now.

Flip