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Original poster

I might not get anyone else so should I get toether with this guy?

74 replies

SodaStreamy · 08/04/2013 21:00

I'm 44 and have physical problems with mobility .....I've lost feeling in my feet (neurological condition) so I find it extremely difficult to get about on my own.

I'm on my own and have been for years , I manage well with my children but they are getting older and will all be leaving home soon and I'll be on my own.

I have an old boyfriend who is trying to get back in touch and I never had mobility problems when we had a relationship, so he knows the old me.the well me. but he knows I have physical issues

Thing is he sometimes takes drugs and every and know he wants to get back together and part of me is thinking if I was able to be the person I was once was and met other people I would not entertain him

But I'm stuck in the house all day by myself with no extended family (they are all deceased apart from a brother who I don't speak to)

I've lost all my friends since I developed my disability, mainly because I don't want anyone to think of me other than being the old me

He's not ideal but I can't see me meeting anyone else that would accept my disability so maybe I should just let him back into my life?

OP posts:
Booyhoo · 08/04/2013 21:03

No. For all the reasons you already know inside your head. He wont make you happy. He'll make you resentful that you had to settle for him because of your disability.

ohtobecleo · 08/04/2013 21:05

Only you can decide whether 'settling' is worse than being alone. But I'm sure you could meet someone else if you joined some groups that cater for disability so please don't think that it's your only option on that basis.

McPheetStink · 08/04/2013 21:06

I agree with Booyhoo I'm afraid.

I don't think you'll be any happier in the long run. Sorry.

Booyhoo · 08/04/2013 21:08

And you're 44 not 94! You are a spring chicken!! Loads of time to find lots of men to choose from. Grin

DippyDoohDahDay · 08/04/2013 21:12

Op, read your thread back and then forget him. I have tried to rekindle feelings for a past ex, but they are your past for a reason, aren't they?

Fairypants · 08/04/2013 21:13

You are worth more than settling- a disability does not stop you being a worthwhile human being and deserving a great relationship with a great man.

tethersend · 08/04/2013 21:15

I'm going to go against the grain and say yes- nothing too serious, but a fling might give you a confidence boost.

I don't think you should marry him.

tethersend · 08/04/2013 21:16

Yy, be prepared for all the reasons he's an ex to come flooding back Grin

Original poster
SodaStreamy · 08/04/2013 21:20

He wanted to come down tonight my kids are their dads and I put it off with some excuse saying we were all going to the cinema

I hate the term disabled as I feel a fraud as there are so many people worse off then me.

He told me he smoked heroin last week yet I whilst at one time I would have pointed in the direction of a rehab I'm now thinking well if you have issues and I have problems/restictions we might be ok for each other

OP posts:
Booyhoo · 08/04/2013 21:22

Read your last post again. And again and again til you realise what you are saying

Original poster
SodaStreamy · 08/04/2013 21:23

tehtersend he is younger I was never going to marry him ....even when I was well

OP posts:
Booyhoo · 08/04/2013 21:23

Op it actually sounds like you are tryjng to hurt yourself. Are you feeling really low?

kinkyfuckery · 08/04/2013 21:23

You can't get around very easily, so think you are only worthy of a heroin addict?

Seriously?

Original poster
SodaStreamy · 08/04/2013 21:24

If never going to get another chance though m I?

This is what it feels like .......this or loneliness forever

OP posts:
Original poster
SodaStreamy · 08/04/2013 21:25

I am

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 08/04/2013 21:28

If it wasn't for the drugs I'd say give it a go on a temporary basis. But really I agree with most people. Not to get involved for your own sake and your children's.

AnimatedDad · 08/04/2013 21:28

You are thinking a lot about the old you. Are you also thinking about the old him?

The old you may not have been interested in who he was then, but he will be older and have had big experiences too.

Don't write him off based on who he was and who you were, do it ion the basis of who you both are now, and it might take a while to find out who that is.

Booyhoo · 08/04/2013 21:30

You dont k ow that!! You could meet. a great guy at the gp surgery! Dont di this. If this man is using heroin he is going to be bringing a shitload more issues to you than you can or should cope with.

Booyhoo · 08/04/2013 21:30

You dont k ow that!! You could meet. a great guy at the gp surgery! Dont di this. If this man is using heroin he is going to be bringing a shitload more issues to you than you can or should cope with.

nametakenagain · 08/04/2013 21:31

Don't add to your problems.

Distract yourself with work, kids, books, voluntary work, learning, groups, whatever it takes, however, temporary. Advising people on MN who are about to make silly decisions, perhaps?

Original poster
SodaStreamy · 08/04/2013 21:32

no booyhoo im not trying to hurt myself or being very low .......that I'm aware off ........I just feel that he might be the only adult that will interact with so if I kick him to the kerb I'll have no-one........ absolutely no-one

OP posts:
izzyizin · 08/04/2013 21:32

Are you looking to have another disability?

That's exactly what you're going to get if you let this addict back into your life let alone your home.

Why not contact some of those friends you've dropped? Maybe you can't get out and about quite so much these days, but you are still the same old you and it was quite cruel of you to cut them off because of your misplaced pride.

Chubfuddler · 08/04/2013 21:34

I'd rather be lonely than shacked up with a smack head. You can't seriously consider this. No no no.

nametakenagain · 08/04/2013 21:36

I think you may find that your old friends will have their own issues, and see you for you.

At least, don't do something foolish.

DippyDoohDahDay · 08/04/2013 21:37

Read the book of big red flags, Hun, then realise this is one of the big ones. Ignore him, and hear that you are worth more, can have so much more in the future, but just don't feel it right now as your self esteem is low. This is not the person to boost it. Really.