There's seems to be a lot of mixed opinion on this, and those of you who believe that I am entirely responsible for my pregnancy are welcome to your opinions. They just don't match up with mine.
We didn't use contraception this one time. The fact was that I had already told him that I no longer wanted to be with him and that I did not want to sleep with him again. He asked to meet as friends and I agreed. We have other things in common and he told me that he only wanted friendship and to see that I was ok after going through a tough time.
On the night in question, he kept trying to kiss me and touch me and I kept saying no. As the evening went on I had quite a few drinks and after he kept hassling for sex, I gave in. I didn't have any contraception, which I had previously always provided, for the simple reason that I did not plan to have sex.
Yes, it was very stupid of me because I not only risked pregnancy, I risked my health. In the morning I saw sense and decided to have a checkup at the local G.U.M clinic after a reasonable amount of time had passed (which I did). In the meantime I ended things properly with him and told him I would not see him again, friend or otherwise, as I didn't want a repeat of the last night out.
Due to certain things (which would take ages to explain), I believed that I was infertile. I did not share this view with the father until after I found out I was pregnant (by then, it was obvious that that wasn't the case). I did not trick him into getting me pregnant, the risk was there for both of us when we decided not to use contraception. I accept my responsibility for getting pregnant, but as others rightly say, I was only one half of the equation.
When I told him about the pregnancy and he was instantly horrified, I asked why he had not insisted on contraception as 1. He had planned to have sex that night, whereas I had not 2. He was so against me getting pregnant. His line was: 'your body = your responsibility'.
The fact is, we both knew the risks involved. We did it anyway. I got pregnant. It is my body and therefore it is my choice. If it was his body, it would be his choice. I have always held the view that if you are mature enough to have sex, you are mature enough to accept responsibility for a child. That is what sex leads to. Yes, it's fun and pleasurable, but fun and pleasure can be had in other ways.
I also have the very strong view that I personally would never have an abortion, barring the exception of rape or a life threatening scenario for me or the baby. I have had this view since I began having sex at 17 and make no secret of it- every long term partner I've had knew this and the father would have known if he had asked. I also don't like the idea of using the pill. I think that unless I'm ill, my body should be left to function normally. Again, I make no secret of this.
What some people seem to suggest is that I should have had an abortion the minute I found out he wasn't interested. For other reasons which I can't really go into because of a legal case I have filed, I was very heavily depressed. I had already attempted suicide twice. To have an abortion would have cost me any sanity I had left and there is no doubt in my mind that had I had an abortion, I would have killed myself from the guilt. My baby was the only reason that I felt I had to live and since I have found out that I was pregnant, I have turned my life around. I got myself back to a state where I was able to function normally, returned to work, have begun to work through my problems and prepared myself for the child I am bringing into this world. I'm not the same person I was five months ago.
And yes, perhaps it is selfish for me to claim maintenance from him, but I am being selfish on the behalf of my child. I cannot predict the future. I have a good career that seems to be quite stable, but as always I don't know for certain that it will always be so. Likewise, I cannot guarantee my health or my life. My own mother died when I was nine. If something were to happen to me, I would like to have enough money to leave to my child to support them into adulthood. I will obviously get life insurance as well as putting savings aside.
The father of the baby has a legal obligation to support HIS child if he is able to do so. So no, I don't think it is necessary to have 'pride' and pretend that he doesn't exist. My baby needs every resource I can give to help him/her survive in this life. The fact is, if he didn't want a child, he should not have had sex. That was his choice as much as it was mine. I certainly didn't 'steal' his sperm.
Anyway, the whole point is moot anyway. Obviously, as he is moving to Libya, I won't be able to get any money at all will I? 