He sent me a fb friend request a few weeks ago - I added him for bff's sake, though it's not something I usually do with strangers. I was in the middle of writing a polite "hello" type of message, when bff texted me that they'd had some bad news earlier in the day, his mother had died, quite suddenly. I immediately changed tone, and offered my condolences.
In his reply, the only reference he made to his mother's death was it was a "rather sad day", and then went on to say he hoped I had heard only good things about him, and seemed to take offence that I had called him merely "OK"! (Which was a misunderstanding anyway - I had just used 'OK' to signal a change of subject in a new paragraph, and he had misread it...but it's a bit beside the point in the context of the death of a parent).
He flew back early after arranging his mother's funeral - apparently the rest of the family ganged up on him, and told him that his Mum's death was his fault.
A couple of weeks ago, I got a private message on fb from him. There'd been nothing since our initial exchange. He was asking if bff had a history of domestic violence - followed by a picture of a horrible bruise on his arm. It turned out to be a 'joke' - of sorts, although the bruise was very real. I have posted about it in AIBU, but the short version is they were play-fighting, drunk, he got her to hit him on the arm, said it didn't hurt, and ended up with a massive bruise.
He was going to post it on his fb wall - but when bff objected, he decided to post it to me instead. It caused some friction as I was upset that they were so childish, (didn't realise initially, that it was all mainly his instigation). She was upset that I could even begin to take it seriously and think she was capable of domestic violence.
The latest thing, is he has now 'accidentally' shown this bruise to acquaintances at the pub, and when they all asked how he got it, he didn't answer but it obviously looked as though it was bff, who was humiliated and embarrassed. The same weekend, he made arrangements to take her and her ds, to a friend's house for a play/visit, and it didn't happen, because he went out drinking and forgot/too hung over the next day. And again, on the Sunday he went out saying he'd be back in an hr or so, to drop off something at a work's do. Bff had asked him not to drink. He asked bff to do him a favour, call him every 10-15mins to help him make his excuses to leave. She called him once, he didn't answer, she called him again, and he got his boss to answer! So now she looks like a stalker, as well as physically abusive!!
Oh and he spend hundreds of pounds on these benders - buying bottles of whisky etc - they are in a country where alcohol is very expensive.
He comes out with these fantastical plans - like booking luxury, high-end holidays (ones that include exclusive villas and butlers etc), and suggesting that she invites friends/family along. Presumably offering to pay for it all. It's very weird.
She is in too deep, to see what I think are very, very big warning signs. I hear all this from her, and find it unbelievable that she isn't running for the hills. I've told her what I think, but she is very happy with him at the moment, and already trusting him like she's known him all her life, with her ds, etc - her ds is quite vulnerable as he can't speak. Yet, every so often she will come out with something else that has happened, or he has said/done, as if it's the first time. They've only been together 10wks or so.
I think from what I can read up on, he sounds like a raging narcissist. I know there isn't a lot I can do, as it's her journey, and right now, she wants to stay with him. Just need to vent/air my concerns somewhere, I suppose.