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Original poster

Am i overreacting?

19 replies

AngelMummy2012 · 04/04/2013 14:43

My partner has decided to have a night with the boys tonight.

The problem is tomorrow morning last year is when we woke up and found out I was in early labour with our little boy and he wasn't going to live. He wasn't born sleeping until the 6th, but the 5th is when we had the bad news broke to us Sad.

I told him about not wanting to wake up alone but he went on to call his friend to confirm his night with the lads and said he will be here after dinner!

I'm so upset, am I over reacting? All he seems to care about is fitting the lads in!

OP posts:
AllThatGlistens · 04/04/2013 15:16

I'm so very sorry for your loss OP Sad

Of course you're not overreacting to feel the way that you do, it's still so fresh in your memory and first anniversaries of these sorts of things are always very difficult.

Is he perhaps trying to 'block it out' by going on this night out? And does he truly understand how important it is to you that you have him nearby for support? Could he perhaps come home later this evening - I assume he would have staying away overnight?

PhyllisDoris · 04/04/2013 15:20

I can understand how you feel about losing your baby - I can't imagine how upsetting that must be.
However, I'm more pragmatic - it's just another night - there's no real significance to it being a year since the day.

If it would help, could you mark the occasion by doing something together around the date? How about planting a tree or something like that which would mean you'd always remember the baby you lost. Much better IMO than just remembering him for one night a year.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 04/04/2013 15:21

YANBU. If he knows how you feel about it he's being grossly insensitive to be out overnight rather than spend it with you. Do you have friends or family that you could be with?

Original poster
AngelMummy2012 · 04/04/2013 15:22

He's not there yet, setting of in about an hour. It's not a night out, they sit a play on the playstation all night.

He knows very well i do not do well with these situations especially when I first wake.

He's recently become obsessed and always planning nights with lads.

I opened up to him and he just pushed it aside, I never thought he would do that Sad

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 04/04/2013 15:26

You've got bigger problems, it sounds like, than a night out. Did you receive any counselling at the time either singly or as a couple? Are there other changes in the relationship that you've noticed? There are a lot of reasons why someone would start to be more distant and obsess about going out with friends (if that is in fact where he will be overnight?) than spend time being a loving/responsible/thoughtful partner... none of them particularly great.

Original poster
AngelMummy2012 · 04/04/2013 15:29

What does YANBU mean?

phyliss We are meeting close family and friends on Saturday to visit his garden and go for a meal.

I don't mind him spending time with his friends its just I react worse to these situations when I first wake.

cogito My mum will be working tomorrow morning, so I will be babysitting my younger siblings.

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 04/04/2013 15:31

When you say you react worse when you wake up, what does that look like?

Original poster
AngelMummy2012 · 04/04/2013 15:32

cogitio He'll be at his mums. He has changed alot, he's a lot more on edge and secretive, Also quite immature.

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 04/04/2013 16:05

after my dh dying almost 2 years ago :( i totally understand the date/anniversary thing but agree with PhyllisDoris and tomorrow is another day but the 6th is the important date

men deal with things differently and maybe he needs the support of his friends at this time

is there a friend who can come and stay with you tonight, though i feel you need more support actually on the day your dc was born sleeping :( rather then the day before

sounds like you both need some counselling to help cope with what happened

has he been supportive the past year, or dare i say it :( but that your relationship is going through a rocky stage and you may spilt up :(

hellsbellsmelons · 04/04/2013 16:11

He's recently become obsessed and always planning nights with lads.

I'd be checking that out to be honest!
Sounds seriously dodgy to me.

So sorry for your loss - I cannot imagine for one moment what you must have gone through and are still going through so my sympathies.

I do hope it all works out.

GaryBuseysTeeth · 04/04/2013 16:23

Hi OP, I recognise you from your previous threads on here/the mc boards.

It doesn't sound like your relationship with him is getting any better.
You're not overreacting at all, he is being very immature still, you've had a tough year since your little one was born sleeping & I'm sorry he's not been more supportive.

It's not my place or anyone else's to tell you what to do, but please reconsider ttc with him whilst he's acting like this. x

bestsonever · 04/04/2013 16:24

'Edgy', 'secretive' 'planning nights out' becoming immature, a few things there that need further investigation.There may be more to this that his reaction to a loss. I hope I'm wrong though for your sake and the best way is usually to ask, or dig if you think you'll be lied to.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 04/04/2013 16:44

Agreeing with bestonever, if you took your sad loss out of the equation entirely, secrecy, staying out all night and acting nervously is not the behaviour of a steady, responsible partner. You say he's immature... how old is he to be playing computer games all night and staying at his mum's?

cheapskatemum · 04/04/2013 17:08

YANBU = you are not being unreasonable

Original poster
AngelMummy2012 · 04/04/2013 18:27

He wasn't planning a night out, a night in.

He decided to stay Smile, I spoke to him after he said he was staying and he said he didn't realise I felt that way.

He's always been supportive, and he stays at his mums because his sister is disabled and his mum sometimes needs help from him.

I know he had a night planned with the lads because one of them is my brother.

Ive let him know I'm upset with him for thinking about going and I want him to support me more. Hope he sorts it out.

OP posts:
Original poster
AngelMummy2012 · 04/04/2013 18:30

Gary I am reconsidering trying to conceive. Won't be fair bringing a child into this, I love him but we have things to sort first Smile

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 04/04/2013 18:32

Glad he saw the light this time. Good luck

Blondeshavemorefun · 04/04/2013 18:56

glad you sorted things -thinking of you on the 6th x

GaryBuseysTeeth · 04/04/2013 19:19

Glad he's staying in, hope this is a turning point for you Smile

Hope everything else is ok with you. x

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