Meeting the DCs

[discussionsoftheday]

Hi, have nc for this.

I have been with my DP for the best part of a year. He met my DC very early on ( as a single mum it was near impossible for me not to do so) and he has all but moved in, as in he is always here, eats with us, stays over most nights, does DIY around the house etc. He is lovely, and my DC are very fond of him. He's never put a foot wrong in the relationship, treats me very well etc.

However, one thing is niggling me, and that is that I have never met his DCs. They live within about 5 miles, he sees them twice a week, but has never introduced us to each other. First it was 'after Christmas', then 'after new year' and now it's 'when the weather gets warmer'! WTF has that got to do with anything?

Now, I can only think of 2 reasons that he is putting it off. One is that he doesn't think we are going to stay together...however he tells me I'm the love of his life. Or the other is that he is somehow ashamed of me and/or the DC/the house...I really don't know. There is nothing to be ashamed of btw, I am considered attractive if a little on the curvy side, the DC are well behaved and lovely and the house is nice; mayhem at times but nice and lived in and homely.

His ex wife knows he is with me, he says she has no issues with that. So what is going on? I am going to have it out with him tonight so really need some other views before I do.

Thanks

I should add that his DDs are 17, 12 and 7.

Why does he have such a relationship with your dc when you haven't even met his?

There may be a million reasons why it hasn't happened yet, maybe he doesn't want them to feel 'replaced' by your children since he is almost living there, maybe he feels its too soon and doesn't want them to potentially be hurt if you and he break up, maybe they don't want to meet you, maybe their Mum isn't ready for it yet.

You can't force him to bring his children into this relationship just because you did though, you made your choice and he made his so I'm not sure how you can 'have it out' with him. What are you going to say?

he has a relationship with mine because they live with me and it would be almost impossible to date without his having met them; he didn't meet them at the beginning but when I was sure it was going somewhere he did.

The reason I am getting mixed signals is because he keeps saying he wants me to meet them, but then keeps putting it off. If it was for any of your reasons then I would accept that, but he has never given me a reason, just 'maybe next weekend' but it never happens. if I am to build a future with this man then surely it should include both sets of DC? It's not as if we have only been together a few weeks, or even months.

He's been away from the DCs mum for 2 years; she has had relationships during this time and the DC met her partner, (which was short term), so I don't think it was that she wasn't ready for it.

I think that you are not being unreasonable to want a reason. It may be simply that the childrens mum doesn't want you to be introduced to them and that's fair enough but why can't he just say that? In my first serious relationship post separation, he told me very early on that HIS EX wife didn't want him to introduce the children to me until she felt ready and I completely respected that. If that's the case here, perhaps he just feels that you won't be happy and will push for a meeting ? Maybe just try and put his mind at rest - he might just need reassurance that you will respect any decisions he and his Ex might have made about introducing new partners.

I would totally respect his ex wife's decision, and would never push on the subject if that were the case but he has told me several times it's not. In fact, he has put bunk beds in my youngest DD's bedroom for his girls to sleep in when they come to stay, which they never have, and the beds have been there for a couple of months now! I'm peed off that DD has given up half the space in her room for beds for people she has never even met! And he makes arrangements for us all to meet, so my DC don't make any plans for that particular day, and then it doesn't come off.

If he doesn't want us to meet, then just tell me and I'll accept that. But he's saying one thing and then doing another.