H not getting on with dd

[npg1]

Hi. Need some advice, its making me miserable.

I have married my new partner. I have 2 children aged 10 and 6. Dd1 loves her step dad, dd2 is going through a funny phase at the moment. She gets upset and in moods easily which really winds H up. He thinks I baby her too much. He says she winds him up all the time, that she is nasty and he doesbt like her. I am finding her difficult at the moment, making me very stressed out too. Both dds have gone through alot of change recently. Their dad has a new baby in family now.

H has just said to me he would rather be at work! He lounges around not wanting to go out and wonders why the kids r climbing the walls.

Any advice please x

As this cocklodging twunt big girl's blouse has cost you £10,000 that we know of, send him back to his dm and consider it money well spent that you discovered his true nature before you had dc with him and caused even more damage to your little dd.

Out of curiousity, is he gainfully employed?

Well, having chi dee isn't easy, even when they are your own. I sometimes dislike aspects of my own 7 year old, and she has become a stropmeister in recent times! BUT I recognise that she is having childish reactions to adult constructs in an adult world and that it's MY job to help, reassure and guide her. I had a dad like your H op, and it completely wreaked my relationship with my mum for years because she was too insecure to leave him. Then he died, and it was a huge relief for me...It has taken years to rebuild any type of relatinahip with my mum, and there have been times when I wAnted to walk away from the whole sorry mess. Don't make the same mistake. He's honestly not worth it.

Hes just text me and said hes bored!

Yes he is employed

This man has told you he doesn't like your dd yet you allow him to cuddle up to you all night. What is the point of this thread? Is it to give a blow by blow account of his behaviour? It's more important to say what you are doing about it which seems to be sod all.

I'm asking the same question Rainbow has asked you, namely, what is the point of your thread?

I don't give a flying fuck whether or not he's bored, but I'm curious to know why you feel the need to relate this trivia when what should be consuming you is booting this twunt out of your home and out of the life of your little dd.

Fwiw, of course he's bored. He can't torment his workmates and he can't wait until he clocks off so he can boost his odious ego off by tormenting you and your dd.

In the words of the venenerable AF 'has he got a golden dick'? Is that the reason you're clinging to him while your dd's drowning?

Or is that you don't want to lose face, particularly when it would seem your ex is loved up and has fathered another dc to supplant the ones he had with you?

What are you waiting for npg1 I don't get it. Are you thinking this will blow over? Is he going to co-habit with you and DCs and strop about DD2 until you ask her dad to have her? Then it will be DD1 who will hit puberty and get uppity and answer back and before you know it H will start on about her.

I'm sorry but it makes my skin crawl that you are allowing this vile bully to cuddle you at night, your dd is probably having nightmares about the bastard and you are cuddling him.

Put your children first fgs.

I can't imagine how it would feel to be six and to live with someone who made it clear they didn't like me. :(

Protect your child from this awfulness.

You don't have to be scared of someone for them to cause you emotional distress that has a lasting effect.

God, why don't you leave this bully for your DD's sake.

Having had a Mother who stayed with a bully that chose me as the scapegoat, I can assure you that it WILL be doing damage to your DD.

Is he worth damaging your DD emotionally for?!

NO man is worth staying in a relationship with if they dislike one of your DC's.

God, I have just read the whole thread. OP, you need to get rid of this man-child. He is jealous of your DDs because he wants to be mollycoddled like a child. Not good enough. I bet if he left your DD2 would be happier.

OP, if you let this pig stay, you do know that it will be YOU that your DD blames and hates when she is older, don't you? Because you are her mother, you are meant to put her first, always, you are meant to protect her, you are supposed to make her childhood as easy and happy, as full of unconditional love, as possible. Oh, she'll hardly think kindly of him, but he is just some arsehole her mother married, the true damage is the most important person in her world sacrificing her for own needs and weaknesses. Sorry, but it's true. You either lose him now or lose her forever, once she's done growing and has a choice over who she has to tolerate.

I'm on the outside looking in but tbh if you are already on anti d's and this has been brewing a while, it doesn't look good does it. I think you know where this is leading and you are fearful of making a mistake by calling a halt to this. I am worried it will be a bigger mistake if you don't.

He is bored. boo hoo. He wants your undivided attention and does not want to share you with your daughters. This is not the basis for a happy family life, as you are seeing.

It doesn't look like he's going to grow up any time soon. So he'll have to go. Do not delay.

OP I'm sure you know that you can't bury your head in the sand and hope this goes away.

I know that there are those on mn who might be described as the 'LTB' gang but I think you have to remember here that we are talking about a 6 yo child and not an adult who needs to kick the OH into touch.

Purely from a child protection point of view, you must ask him to leave first, and then only after he has been prevented from EA abusing your child, can you even begin to discover is there any way your marriage can be salvaged, IF and only IF he is willing to address these issues and probably attend some sort of parenting course.

The longer you let this situation continue, the more damaged your DC will get. You are not unaware of this situation and that makes you doubly responsible to do something about it.

Stop playing silly beggars with silly texts and do the right thing, this is your DC fgs.

OP...I have been in this situation and believe me, the damage is so far reaching. I was in a worse situation than you in that I had a child with him... (he went on to sexually abuse her when she was only 2/3) and he emotionally abused my DD1 and my DS. We had also moved overseas and I had no one to help me. However, I always shielded the DC until I could escape. I took the flack for their 'wrongdoings' to protect them, and constantly told them it was him, not them. Then as soon as I could, with the help of the police, we fled.

DS got the worse of the emotional abuse. He was 5 when it started and now, at the age of 16, he is only just coming through the effects of it. My ExH hated him, despised him, was disgusted by him. Constantly told him he was gay, a faggot (his words) a poof (likewise)...and it made DS question himself when he hit his teens, terrified that he would indeed turn out to be gay. he was scared to eat at the table in case he dropped his cutlery, or spilt something, or spoke out of turn. Eleven years OP....eleven years of my beautiful little boy's life spent in confusion and turmoil. Please don't let this happen to your DD.

This was all running at the same time as DD2 was being sexually abused, as was I, and DD1 was being emotionally abused (she is made of stronger stuff and would stand up to him, even from the age of 7) however I don't know if there is any damage beneath the surface.

We were left homeless and penniless because of him, but I had no choice; I'd have lived in a cardboard box away from him rather than a mansion with him. the weeks we spent in a women's refuge were among the happiest of our lives, purely because the DC were free to be children.

Please...don't allow this damage to happen anymore.

I was also accused of 'babying' them. He, out of spite, told DS at the age of 5 that father christmas wasn't real, and the easter bunny. He told me he hated the DC, that they were badly behaved (they weren't), that they were spoilt (they weren't...they were loved, BIG difference). It will happen to you too OP, get out now.

Oh, and he also spent all my money, but mine was 39k...all within 11 months. But you can't put a price on your children's happiness, I wrote it off and just got the hell out as soon as I could.

and it is your fault if you do everything for him now. you have two children not three.
your child has a right to feel loved and happy in her own home.
Get rid. Does he not work at all? What was his history before you two met?

She is your daughter and you let this man say that he hates her and say damaging things about her? Your daughters should be your number 1 priority and you should be prepared to stand up for her as she is a child. Your husband sounds horrible, saying such awful things, no wonder she is misbehaving. Your daughter needs understanding and to be shown that she is loved and cared for, your husband says he doesn't like her?! He is the adult, she is the child. He needs to grow up and you need to start supporting your daughter.

KICK HIM OUT - RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!
What on earth are you waiting for?
You've had some great advice on here and ignored it.
Pack his bags, don't wait for him to do it and kick him out.
Seriously - I'm angry for you!!!
Stop making excuses for him to stay.
Face up to it and end it!!!

at all of the above in equal measure...