Please stop me from contacting him.

[MostFamousMonkey]

I've NC for this thread. I apologise for spilling my guts a bit here but I'm in pain and need to get this out.

I had to break up with someone I care very deeply about earlier this week. I don't want to go into the details of the break up, suffice to say there is nobody else involved on either side, no DV/EA, etc.

I had to break up with him on the phone due to distance, which was horrid in itself. During the call he was all over the place, understandably, even though I think he was expecting it. He said he loves me and that he will always be there for me, "you know where I am if you ever need me as a friend", but then later in the call he asked me not to contact him, in order to make it easier for him to heal. I had tried to end it several months ago but he made contact after a couple of weeks and we ended up back together.

Ok I'm rambling, sorry.
My problem now is that I am desperate to talk to him because I'm missing him so much. But he's asked me directly to not contact him and I have to respect that. I know that I want to talk him to just alleviate the pain now but it won't be helpful in the long run. So my urge to have some contact, even if it's only a text or email, is very selfish. I do know that I'm just really struggling to not do it. I'm checking my phone/email/twitter every 5 minutes looking for something from him even though he told me he will NOT contact me again.

I need a bit of hand holding, I need a bit of how to heal advice and I need to be told not to contact him because it's not fair on him.

Oh and just to add, I've realised over the weekend that there are a few things in my life that I'm not too happy about.
I mentioned lack of friends earlier in the thread. This is something I have to work on because I feel as if I have no RL support - no close family or friends. Plus I'm feeling unsettled and unfulfilled by work. I'm not in a position to make a big career change, due to my age and also I don't know what I'd prefer to do, just know that my job doesn't really challenge or satisfy me.
And I'm struggling with issues around aging, fears about old age, plus the more superficial concerns about looking older etc.

Urgh - the heart-sink moment in the morning. And Im not sure which has been worse - the loooooong bank holiday weekend or back at work today.

I am however pleased with myself that I had enough things booked in with friends over the weekend, and that Ive made contact with a couple of other single parents as well as booking a holiday for me and the kids. I did learn this the hard way when the DC dad left me, and it took me a while to realise that you have to be active in making contact with others. Even family and best friends - because no one knows how it feels at that moment except you.

You sound quite isolated MFM - have you not lived there very long? Do you have grown up kids? Its good to take stock of what youre not happy with - but its so bloody difficult to leave your comfort zone. I lost some personal staff notes at work today and I wanted to ring BF and cry! Then my youngest came home and asked where he was so that upset me again.

Can you make contact with some old friends - people that you can be honest with? The different stages in life was a major issue for me too so I completely understand.

Mags sorry I haven't been back to the thread, felt like I was wallowing a bit so I tried to take my mind off things and keep busy with other things.
How are you doing?

So I've been having a few more wobbly days, wanting to email him just to say hello. Oddly, I don't feel a desire to call him. I think hearing his voice would just set me back even further.
I miss him a lot. It's now been 3 weeks since we last had any contact and although he's in my mind almost constantly, he feels 'far' from me now, due to the lack of contact.

I just hope he realises that my silence is only because he asked for it, and not because I don't care.

Mags and boy if you happen to read, hope you're both doing ok.

I'm 12 years older than my DH. Not a problem at all. In the early days I was a bit bothered if he was bothered by other people being bothered about the age gap, and having his baby was always very doubtful because I was 38 when we got together and Downes Syndrome runs in my family - being an older mum increases the risk. We have recently become grandparents to my son from my 1st marriage and despite having absolutely no tiny baby experience, he is the most amazing grandad ever. The age gap to us is nothing. We share most other life goals and values. And he'll be there to change my bag when I'm old and decrepit! ;-)

Teeny

Mostfamous, I am 4 months down the line of this emotional roller coaster. It was my first relationship since my marriage ended and I fell so much in love in a way I never have before.
It initially didn't end badly but things went spectacularly tits up during texts and conversations afterwards and he was a total shit in the end.

I still miss him a lot. Still think about him every day but it gets easier. It used to be so hard not being able to send all those little texts and emails about funny stuff. I hated my phone. Hated how it was so easy to contact someone now and so hard to resist the temptation.
It was only 2 weeks ago I woke up one morning and realised that he wasn't the first thing I thought of. That first morning that thought actually made me feel so sad. It seemed so final. I still love him but am less emotional and can see some of the crap bits for what they were now.
I'm still sad my feelings are changing but also glad I don't feel that gut wrenching pain that I used to feel.

I hated everyone that said to me that time was the only thing going to get me through this but it is absolutely true.
Although I have heard that he is coming back to the area to work this month and it's a small town I will bump into him and right now I'm string enough to say easily that I
Don't want to see him not sure it'll be so easy face to face.

Glad it worked out for you both Teeny. Age differences can certainly work, I think it just depends on what stage of life each of you is at.

Geeklover thanks so much for your post. It's helpful to know that others are going through the same thing, albeit at different stages of the process.
Agree about time! It is the only thing that will make it easier, but it seems to be passing so slowly. It's only been 3 weeks and feels like months.
I'm lucky that we live a long way from each other so I know I won't bump into him - wishing you luck for when that happens, I imagine your stomach will be churning like mad. But you'll get through it.

I've been broken up nearly 3 months.
Still think about her constantly and miss her like mad.
I'm still in love with her even though she hurt me badly.
But I won't contact her, and haven't since she dumped me.
I have my pride, and she doesn't care about me and doesn't love me.
I just keep telling myself that.

Truth be told I'm not over her yet. But I will be and I'll be stronger for it. :-)