I don't no how to fix us anymore :(

[Twinkletwinklestars]

Here goes....

I'm probably hard to live with at times, two children in two years has worn me down a bit.
I don't have much time to give him (husband) more attention that he asks for.
I make him angry because I'm not earning money as on maternity leave besides he says I can't go back to work unless I work nights. He finds the children hard work. He is very stressed due to money.
I can't seem to keep on top of the housework very well these days. Having his t ready on time is getting harder too.
He shouts lots tells me daily that I can't do anything right, I'm an fkin idot,thick and I should not talk. I think I've just let things get really bad, he's really scared me a few times so I normally pop my head down and get on. Sometimes I shout back but I'm never right.
Then there's lovely normal times where the amazing calm man I married is. He's a good dad, nice person and gets on with ppl.
I don't no how to fix us any ideas?

OP, you have to see that you are living in fear of this man. To the point that you are afraid of his reaction that you have spoken to someone else and also that you are so afraid that you have to get the children out of the way.

I would genuinely just leave. Now.

I really don't know what to say.
You've had some amazing advice on here (as always with MN) but you are still under the same roof as him.
As you've just said, you are still scared, you know this 'nice' act will NOT last.
Please get yourself and your poor DC out today.
Who knows how this chat will go later?
I think we all do!
He will try to manipulate you into saying certain things about certain situations to make sure they don't 'separate' you etc...
And... you will fall for it and go along with it and put yourself and your DC back into the same sorry, abusive situation you have all been in for years.
Reading all your posts, I really really fear for you and your DC.
You are here and posting because you KNOW that this is all wrong.
Get out and get out now!!!! Seriously - don't look back, don't re-think things, GET OUT!!!!!

1. You are not responsible for him
2. You do not owe him
3. You are responsible for yourself, your actions, reactions and your safety
4. You are responsible for your children, their upbringing, their models for the future and their current safety.

2 women a week are killed by their partner, none of them saw it coming...nearly all of them lived with domestic abuse beforehand.

The children of these women end up in care...their mother dead, their father in prison.

You probably don;t want to believe you could be one of those women, but your head knows he is not trustworthy, patient, kind or reliable. Your head knows you cannot be yourself around him, cannot speak or act freely and that you need to consider keeping your DC away tonight.

If it crosses your mind then they should be out of there and so should you.

He can still reform himself without your presence and you can remain safe and look on from a distance.

Don;t give in to his lies, don;t give in to his story that you somehow deserve this, you don't. No One does.

It's hard to read that and think that could be him. It's easer I guess not to

He's threw me because he won't talk about it or anything. It's been a tense silence.
He's said goodnight gave me a cuddle & gone to bed.
I need to fed our dd in an hour so think I will stay downstairs until then.

Should have listened, you were all right.

You ok, Twinkle?

No and I have brought it all on myself.

Feel like I'm bri

What's happened OP?

Are you safe at the moment?

I had the silent treatment, then the anger. Constant questioning for 2 hours which has been awful. I can't think properly and he knows it. Keeps asking again and again what I've said. Putting words into my mouth. He's telling me that I make things out to be worse then they are. He said I've made out to people he's a bad person and its me. He has people that will say hes a good man. It's never as bad as i make out and I'm not blameless. I no I'm not blameless.

Yes I'm safe he's gone to bed now. I'm downstairs feeding.

You ARE blameless, Twinkle.

He is the one deciding to behave abusively. Again.

Please leave Twinkle, for you and your children.
None of you should live like this.
X

Can you call your WA worker first thing tomorrow and tell her you don't feel safe and need to get out with the kids? Please? He's retaking control, he's muddling you up again, you need to get out while your head is still relatively clear.

PLEASE, Twinkle.

You are blameless, actually. He's the one who has to cause fear in someone else in order to feel powerful.

Please listen to the other posters who have said to leave. It will not get better.

Please do make use of the SW's visit and get in touch with WA too.
He's likely to make it hell for you, even more, now. :(

Will call wa in morning and tell her everything.

It's my word against his. He keeps saying its me. he has good respectable ppl to say what a great man he is. He has money and I'm terrified he will try and take the dc. He says I'm crazy I think he may say I'm a bad mum. I'm so scared of losing my dc that's why I have stayed. I'm not ignoring the advice I'm just scared. The only way I can see he won't try and take them from me is if I stay and stand by him. My heads a mess

He just spouts this bullshit to confuse the issues.

If the SW is onside with you, it doesn't matter how much money he has or how many "respectable people" he lines up (and he won't anyway, because it's all hot air). You're the main carer, and have been since they were born, right?

To get the SW onside, first step is tell WA the whole truth, say you want to protect your dc and are scared of losing them, say you want to get away from him. See what they say, but I think they will be able to reassure you about the dc. They will tell you what to do next.

He does confuse me he makes me feel like I'm going mad.

I will do once he's gone in morning.

He said the sw is really nice and that she knows he has nothing to hide. He is asking me questions as he needs to be prepared. Im hoping its just talk but I no he is going to say I'm crazy. It's not him but me.
I have lied to sw about him tho, to try and cover up for him. Im such a idiot, don't no why I did it. Going to call her 1st thing and tell her.

He's a prat

I've always looked after the dc he wouldn't have a clue.

Could you tape some of his abusive behaviours?
There are digital noise activated recorders that you can use, even your mobile.

However, I suspect that as soon as you leave and cut contact, he'll be forced into putting his behaviour to e-mails and messages.

He is wrong
People will believe you

My H was an upstanding member of the community, artistic, involved "Mr Nice" to everyone except me and DC

people still believed me, because i told the truth

he got caught out in his lies and deceit

Stay safe twinkle
trust your instincts
trust the truth will come out

leave

The social worker probably has the measure of him. They see it a lot and they aren't stupid. But they do need you to tell them the facts so that they can do their job. Nobody is going to take your children away from you for admitting that you are frightened of this man and seeking help.

Be brave, you can absolutely do it. He's shitting himself and that's why he's playing the big man with all this about his 'respectable friends', trying to make it seem like they will obviously believe him over you. They won't.

You lied to the social worker because you are frightened. Tell her that.

I've been following this thread but kept quiet because I felt other posters were doing a better job of advising you than I could - but I felt the need to add my voice to support you because I can't bear the thought of any woman living in fear like this.

Yes, do phone the sw in the morning. Among all the other things, tell her he kept you up questioning you for 2 hours. She'll know that this, too, is something abusers do haitually.

You can do this. Try not to be scared of the sw or of wa. Tell them both the truth, as much as you can remember. Tell them you are scared of him. As you know, they want desperately to help you and your children.

Need to be quick bit the sw has suggested we try counselling. Not keen because of the advice I've had on her about it....,

No,
your SW is clearly of the opinion that this is a "relationship issue" pound to a penny she is either newly seconded to children's services or not understanding what lies behind what you are telling her.

Talk to WA...they will understand.

Don;t do couples counselling.
This is not a relationship issue
it is an abuse issue