I don't no how to fix us anymore :(

[Twinkletwinklestars]

Here goes....

I'm probably hard to live with at times, two children in two years has worn me down a bit.
I don't have much time to give him (husband) more attention that he asks for.
I make him angry because I'm not earning money as on maternity leave besides he says I can't go back to work unless I work nights. He finds the children hard work. He is very stressed due to money.
I can't seem to keep on top of the housework very well these days. Having his t ready on time is getting harder too.
He shouts lots tells me daily that I can't do anything right, I'm an fkin idot,thick and I should not talk. I think I've just let things get really bad, he's really scared me a few times so I normally pop my head down and get on. Sometimes I shout back but I'm never right.
Then there's lovely normal times where the amazing calm man I married is. He's a good dad, nice person and gets on with ppl.
I don't no how to fix us any ideas?

Need to keep reading it all back remind myself of the bad. I just block it out most of the time. I always have an excuse for it as does he. He was stressed etc. I really feel sorry for him sometimes how stupid of me. Feel like he's two separate ppl at times. Just sat here feeding my dd I dont ever want her to feel like this.

Honey, I have never for one second been afraid of my DH. He would be horrified at the thought. My mom is not afraid of my dad. That is normal.

Please find a way to leave him. Your DC deserve better than him.

This is terrible twinkle, you have got to get away from this man. He is dangerous. I can't believe how appalling his behaviour has been.

Get originals/copies of paperwork safe and start making plans. As everyone else says, talk to WA and tell them what you have told us.

Blocking it out is your mental self-defences kicking in. It's your mind's way of coping with something that is very very stressful to you.

I think the drinking this weekend might be a dangerous time. Remember if he gets scary you can ring the police. They will know what to do and will take him away from the home until he's calmed down. So just ring 999 if you feel frightened.

If you asked him to leave so that you can have a rest from him, would he go?

Thank u

I told him he scared me, he said I think I should leave. We need to spilt up if u feel scared. I was so upset thought he might have said sorry ill change. (This was a while ago)

I don't think he's dangerous I don't no anyone who would think that of him

Ppl would explain him as laid back & funny. He's not aggressive I'm sure he would try & take dc. It's my word against his. I

twinkle he is VERY dangerous. More so because he has managed to make you think he isn't.
Please talk to lots of people in real life and keep coming back here, we will support you.

This man has made me VERY angry, and I am not an angry person :(

He's downstairs now being so lovely to our dc. Going to take out ds out for a fun afternoon. He's lovely today.
Not hungover which is a 1st. This is how he's changed so much. Coming up to 3wks now. He's been great & helping. He's fine if I don't have t on time & I'm leaving most of the kitchen cleaning till morning now which is fine too. Put our ds to bed every night, reading to him. He's never been this good for so long. So he can be a lovely df. The thought ive told someone is y he's being this way I'm sure. I no he loves them dc he does

There's so much that happened after I had our ds so a while back. I really want him to understand how it hurt me. Want to talk about these things that happened. Do I bring them up why he's being so good?

But this strategy is designed to make it impossible for you to bring up the poor behaviour. If he really wanted to change, he would be asking you for feedback, wanting to know if you're happy. Not just acting it.

Coming up to 3wks now

Wow. Impressive - not. And in that time he's still been accusing you of all sorts, been out on how many benders, and he shouts at you daily.

Whether he loves his children is irrelevant. The question is whether seeing you put upon, having their lives risked in a ridiculous road race, etc etc etc is in your children's best interests.

He stepped up the physical violence when you were at your most vulnerable. I would take this as a warning to get out before you're vulnerable for any reason again.

Twinkle This man is not another one of your children. Using phrases like 'he's being so good', and 'he's been good for three weeks' isn't good when you are talking about the person who is supposed to be there by your side parenting the children with you.

Do you really believe that this is the end of all the pain and suffering he's put you through so far?

If I call wa from landline will it show up in phone bill? It's free from mobile

check their website. It's a free call but might get listed in the count of free calls. It shouldn't but it will save you from worrying.

Ok thank u

Most vulnerable that makes sense now. I really needed him too.
He always was so against me bf that's why I think he use to really shout when I was feeding at times. Guess I looked vulnerable to when I was feeding. He doesn't now tho

Last Wednesday you said you were meeting with a WA worker - have you met her yet? Do you have a contact number for her? If so, give her a call as the national helpline is often oversubscribed, especially at weekends, and it may take some time before someone gets back to.

As for it being 'your word against his', it's improbable that SS were alerted to concerns about what is happening to you and to your dc because you are abusing him and I have no doubt your account will be believed.

With regard to him 'being lovely' for the past 3 weeks, he knows that if you tell anyone what he's been doing to you and the dc, his game is up and he'll lose out on having you to wipe his self-entitled abusive arse and having you be his personal punchbag when he feels like relieving his non-existent 'stress'.

Being 'lovely' is simply another way in which he fucks with your head and leads you to believe there must be something wrong with you rather than the truth, which is that he's a thoroughly nasty screwed up piece of gobshite who's not fit to be a husband or a father.

When abusive twunts fear their victims may get away from them, they can easily do 3 weeks and more of 'good behaviour' standing on their on their minisicule dicks.

After he's done 3 years of never putting a foot, or a fist, wrong there may be some faint hope he won't relapse but, as the saying goes, leopards don't change their spots and there'll always be a chance he'll revert to type.

I'm not his punch bag it's not like that.
He's never beat me it's more spite. like he will keep kicking a ball at me even if I ask him to stop.

She had to cancel the sw wants to meet with me & wa. Don't want to talk when sw there. Feel like everything I have shut away is spilling out of me now. That's why I thought I would call helpline. I can't stop everything that's happened pouring in my mind anymore. I sound crazy. The more I write about this the more that comes back. The big stuffs still lurking about too. The more I think the more I realise its all so wrong. Can't stand him. Then he will be charming and cuddle me and it all gets buried again I'm scared to lose him. Try & make him happy I confuse myself as to why I just don't leave with the dc. So I can understand why ppl have been asking that

I'm not his punch bag it's not like that. He's never beat me it's more spite It's one and the same, honey. He uses you to vent his spleen so he play Mr Nice Guy with others.

You're 'scared to lose him'? You should be scared of keeping him because, sooner or later, this man will cause you serious physical injury and who'll take care of your dc if you're unable to?

There's no need for you and dc to leave your home. Don't be scared of telling the sw the truth so that measures can be put in place that will require him to leave.

This is exactly the kind of shock he's long deserved and it's the only action which may possibily cause him to think on about why he's treated you and his dc so badly.

Izziylin thank u your really helping me.

I can't pretend it's just not happened anymore

There always comes a time when the make-believe has to end. You've reached it and his behaviour has seen to it that you can't go back and rewrite history.

You'll carry the mental scars of what he's done to you for the rest of your life, but what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

You will come out of this older, wiser, and FREE to live life the way it's meant to be lived - with joy and laughter. And the happier you are, the happier your dc will be.

Seriously, honey, you DON'T need him to define you as a woman or as a loving, caring, and competent mother to your dc and the sooner you come to this realisation, the better it will be for the 3 of you.

Hi twinkle.
have had internet problems so sorry fro not being around.

You know that he stays just the right side of acceptable to you...but that he is still not loving, kind, thoughtful, gracious, forgiving, generous or safe...this is how he keeps you, to be just not bad enough.

But your eyes are opening now and you can see.

My own DC are older than yours. My boy (9) especially bears a lot of damage from the years i spent "mending" my relationship. He is angry, hurt, socially inept, scared, insecure but improving little by little.

The SW does not have to be at your first WA meet up, indeed the WA lady may well prefer that she is not.

Reach out for support Twinkle and protect yourself and your little ones.....love like this is an addiction, better got over and life lived in freedom.

You can do this

Your all helping thank u

It's a relief to talk & no I'm not bringing it all on myself. He choses his reactions to situation right

If you change yourself to keep him sweet he will just change the goal posts.

This is not a game that you can win.

The only way to return to (or find for the first time) yourself is to let this man go emotionally, then kick him out physically and keep him out.

Twinkle, he slammed a car door on your leg. What happens if he does that to one of your DCs? That would be assault, just like it was to you.

I'm sorry this is happening to you. The Jekyll and Hydes are always the worst as they mess with your head, making you think that it is your fault. It isn't. You owe it to yourself and DCs to get rid.

I don't know where abouts in the country you live, but this is a link to an organisation I did some consultancy work for. If nothing else it explains how DV isn't just punching you senseless, its all the other things you have described. www.dvsswl.org.uk/definitions/

Please please get the SW and WA to help.

We all chose our reactions to situations. He chooses to take his bad temper out on you for situations that are entirely outside of your control because it boosts his ego to see his wife scared of what he might do if she doesn't jump to it and cater to his every whim.

Twunts like him are abject cowards; he'd cry like a baby if a strong guy slammed his leg in a car door or locked him in the car in the dark, or took him on a hair-raising drive while racing another vehicle - and he'd shit himself if the police pulled in him for domestic violence.

Twunts like him are also very often underachievers and, as they don't have what it takes to make an impression on the world, they compensate for their inadequacies by acting like little Hitlers at home, throwing their bantam weight around and expecting their nearest and dearest to jump to attention to please and appease the Great Dictator.

Make no mistake; if he continues to go unchecked your dc will have hell to pay. Walking on eggshells one minute, overwhelmed by his 'fun daddy' act the next, and never knowing when he's going to turn on them - much like yourself.

You and your dc don't need this and you certainly don't deserve it, Twinkle. And once you've had a taste of the sweet life you can have without him, you won't want to go back to a life of misery with him.

So true, unless he's drunk then he thinks he can fight anyone.

If not he gets me to argue his case! Tells me it's my wifely duty gets me to stop talking to ppl from him. While he's all sweet. If there's a funny noise at night I have to check, even tho he appa sleeps with a snooker q & hammer next to his bed for this reason!

Just tried to

I'm sorry. He sleeps with what next to the bed? [shocked]

OP, this is not normal and what's to say you won't make a funny noise one night and takes one of those objects to you?!