My husband that he is too embarassed to go out outside the house with our daughter

[gloucestergirl]

Basically that. I'd love lovely family days out, but our DD cries sometimes. She is only 1 and gets hungry and generally acts likes a baby. Husband gets embarassed by her crying and hates going out in public with her. He won't do baby things like going to the library or the local baby musuem as it is too boring. I am so disappointed in him as a father and feel so sad.

Your DH needs to grow up, because babies cry, and who told him parenthood was a barrel of fun constantly.

Eww, he sounds like a baby himself

I couldn't tolerate such a selfish and childish attitude

Tell him to grow the fuck up

That's ridiculous...

Have you tried to direct him to any websites with advice on how to just get on with it because that's what babies do and people who death stare you usually haven't had kids or are lucky & can suck it ?

My DD gets on my fecking nerves sometimes, but jeez im not embarrassed of her, thats such a cold thing for a father to say, and lazy too i may add.

I find you tend to get more sympathetic other-parents-I-feel-you-pain looks than the shut-your-brat-up ones!

Though the issue is more just him really, isn't it?

What was he like before the baby?

(oh...and it reeks of 'cop out' to me. Sorry)

What's a baby museum?

He is being an arse. What's he like with her generally?

What does DH do when DD cries at home? Perhaps if he tried/practised some calming techniques at home, he could use them while out and about. What would he think of a sling? Even at 1 they can still enjoy those, our DS loves his ergobaby and feels nice and cuddly with DH. He cries less and is more patient with everything (otherwise, like your DD, he can be a screaming monster noisy baby).

My DH is similar, but not to the point where he won't go out. He'll say, 'oh, everyone's looking', and I'll say, 'Fuck 'em'. Those with kids/who've been parents understand what it's like, those who are young, or fussy buggers can kiss my ass! I really thought I'd be mortified if I couldn't stop DS screaming, so on a bus, but in reality I do what I can to sooth him so at least everyone can see I'm making an effort. I actually surprised myself when DS came along as I really truly do not give a fig!

Perhaps your DH could throw a few phrases, like: kids, eh? oh dear, poor little DD, are your teeth hurting again? Let Daddy kiss it better. Hang on, milk's coming...

That kinds thing, it often gets more sympathetic looks from people and could diffuse the situation.

I'm very sorry he's acting like this. Could you get the support of MIL or B/SIL to kick him up the arse as well? So it's not all on your shoulders?

Good luck

Oh my Lord! I thought you were going to say she was 14 and was dressed in some bizarre fashion or something.

She is a baby! He needs to get a grip. Is he coping ok with parenthood generally?

Tell him you understand he may feel useless.
But he needs to grow up and get over the 'embarrassment.'

Sounds like he's not coping very well with fatherhood. You need to talk to him about what his expectations are and if they are realistic. Maybe he feels out of his depth. Maybe he isn't very paternal?

(It is worth seeing if he's got a mild depression going on. That can be a factor in things like this...if he's not rubbish with her at home etc)

has he said that he is embarrassed? Is it a cover up for lack of confidence?

Replace the word 'embarrassed' with 'lazy', and you are probably closer to the truth.

I take it that he's ok with you enduring this awful humiliation, OP? Thought so.

Being embarrassed of you baby because she cries is silly... however I completely support him at not wanting to take a 1-year-old to the library or - barf - the baby museum...

Has he honestly never noticed other babies screaming in public?
How is the rest of your relationship?
How is his life generally-work and so on?

Do you think he is really embarrassed? Or is he being a lazy selfish arse but thinks 'embarrassed' sounds better?

If he is really embarrassed by her crying, try suggesting baby friendly places where everyone will be accompanied by a child and half of them will be crying (ie soft play or the playground rather than a National Trust property). If he finds the library boring would he prefer something more active like taking her swimming?

What was his childhood like?

My sister was embarrassed by being a parent....when she first had her DS1.

She felt weird and that she was not a real parent somehow. it went away eventually and no...she wasn't depressed. She just had some issue around her identity.

I think you should talk to DH about his own childhood.

If he finds crying embarrassing he might need preparing for the lying down on the floor full on screaming that could possibly occur within a year's time.

Either he's being a bit of a nob or, hopefully probably more likely, he feels a bit out of his depth and unsure at how best to handle things - don't we all? Any way you could think of to sit down and try and get him to talk about any fears?