The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Wondering Where The Spring For Their Boing Is!

[Mouseface]

Hi I'm Mouse

One of the Brave Babes on the Bus, a Bus full of different posters, some who drink more than they'd like to and are trying to stop, some who don't drink at all now, and some who are somewhere in the middle. :)

There's no judging here, no finger pointing, no rejection, just pure, unconditional, (occasionally tough), love and empathy.

We all share stories of how we got here, to have our seat on the Bus, looking for our own personal sobriety, our own personal happiness. Sometimes we talk about other things too, you know, like cake, cheese and even day to day life, life that can lead us to breaking point......... lead us to hit rock bottom.

So, why not come say hi, take a seat, post, lurk, whatever suits you :)

This is our latest journey with a link to others

And this is the reason we're ALL here, the first ever thread

Hope to see you soon :)

purple it's not about the sugar for me either. Mine is mostly a habit I get into to take away stress and anxiety. For example, I am STILL dwelling on the awful conversation with FIL last Sunday. And I want to just forget it for a few hours. I've tried distraction and controlled breathing, but it's still in my head too much

clutter the job will get easier, in a few weeks it will feel like you've been there for ever. ODAAT

Thanks Venus and Alias. Think I need to calm down. Feel I'm putting myself under huge pressure to know what I'm doing. I'm having a horrible morning with ds and he's been on time out 4x already!! Think I feel run down, stressed, tired & taking it out on him as he's so relentless!
I thought a new job was meant to be good!! But you babes are right, ODAAT.

Hi. I have been here since the beginning and beat it due to Alan Carr. What happened to noteven, RedMoomin and MIFLW?

I am in bed with a viral infection so have just caught up.

Ma, I am still jealous of your cooking ds.

Still fighting friggin' dog fleas here in Purple Towers! Dog's been gone nearly 3 weeks and the house has been sprayed with super-strength stuff (which makes me wheeze and everyone cough - despite spraying and leaving the house for over and hour after - which is over 30 mins more than recommended!!).

Joey you have to let go of the FIL incident! He needed to be told and maybe, with hindsight (as before, an exact science) you may have put things differently given time to think but, my Lovely, your dander was up and someone was 'attacking' DD!! Plus, you didn't do it whilst under the influence - it came from an honest, sober place. Don't pay any more heed to the curmudgeonly old bugger!! We have a huge 'ban' in this house on 'labels'. I jump on the DC if I hear them calling each other stupid, thick, fat, idiot etc. x

Clutter Good luck with the new job! Change is always a bit unsettling and being the 'new girl' is pants! Just know that you'll be a bit more settled every day you turn up and in no time at all, you'll be part of the furniture (so to speak!) - and you'll be fab, natch!

Hi Ma, nice to see you too. x

Thanks Baby, hugs. x

Mouse I hope your day got better this morning? x

Totally sick of this bad ankle now. Been told to expect at least another 2 weeks of this! (Been 12 days already!). Was also helpfully told I could, after the 2 weeks, go private for physiotherapy! Yeah, right!

On the up-side, DD is being amazing! This week she has mowed the front and the back lawns (and tidied the bags of grass into the shed?!) and last night she washed up without being asked! We did have a bit of a chat whilst we were on holiday. DD was in the front seat when we went places, DSs were in the back with the DVD player and it let us chat about stuff. I didn't pile things on her, (she's only 11 - I kept it age related), but did explain about some of the stuff that sometimes causes me stress and anxiety and it seems, atm, to have made a difference. Plus she's helping out with stuff because of the ankle.

So, a question. Sprained my ankle badly a week last Monday. Had to ask a friend to walk the boys to school on Tuesday morning as I couldn't weight bear at all. EX's night with DC on Tuesday so I didn't have to worry about the evening. Phoned XP to say I couldn't walk, couldn't drive and had booked boys into breakfast club (I would pay) so could he, please, drop them off at school in the morning? This would mean he would leave for work about half an hour later. I had a really bad night as every time I moved, the pain in my ankle woke me up. Still, I thought, I don't have to be up early, I can, at least have a lie in. Wednesday, 7.30am DC are hammering on the door!!?? It took me ages to struggle down the stairs - in my nightwear! He felt he had to drop DS1's cornet off and there was some paperwork (that didn't have to be in for anther week) that he thought I should have urgently!! Was he checking up on me? Making sure I really did have an injury? I'm not normally nasty about him but.......what a fuckwit!

Rant over, lunch to find.

Hugs to all. xxx

joey the thing is you can distract yourself, or breathe, or drink as much as you like, but if something is in your head none of those will make it go away. Each of them could make it recede for a while, but it's not going to solve it. So how can you actually deal with it?

One of the things I've found useful in the past is to look behind the behaviour and think about the intention. So your behaviour (all good imo) was to defend dd, to understand her difficulty, to shout and get cross, to remove dd from the situation, to correct dfil; you dfil's behaviour was to use his experience (of rote learning arithmetic), to feel upset when your dd didn't get the right answer (probably linked to his own feeling of getting things wrong in school); your dh's behaviour was to try and pacify you and his df.

So what were you all trying to achieve - well from an external point of view it's not much different - you all want the best for dd and you all want the best for the widest family (which may be why you're still feeling bad about it). So, start with compassion for yourself. You did nothing wrong - it is just that your way of achieving the best for dd is different from fils. Could you have done something different? Could he? Well possibly. But you do what you do because you are doing the best you can, given your life, your upbringing, your experiences, your education, your personality etc.

Whatever you think or do now, will not change any of the events of last week. It is OK to be really, really angry with dfil. So go ahead and feel that. And it's ok if you feel a bit angry for yourself that you didn't somehow know that fil would have said that and to protect dd from it in advance (I hope you see how futile that is... ), and it's ok to feel angry with dh because he is not 100% backing your side. And it is even ok to tell people that you are angry with them for that. But it doesn't work to try and minimise your anger and hope that it will go away.

(And I do know where you are coming from because both I and my dd1 react in the same way when asked a question).

And can you find some really helpful ways to divert and confront these kind of things? phrases for you and dd and dh such as "that's not the way we learn maths in out school" or "that's not the way we ask questions" or "our tutor doesn't think those kind of questions help". And in confronting dfil could you use a variation of the classic mn phrase "did you mean to be so hurtful to dd when you said x"

Thanks purple, hope your ankle's better soon & fleas bugger off...maybe you need to tell dogs new owners that they forgot a few wee things!! X

Well, I would Clutter but they've just paid for two lumpectomies, a tooth scale and a chest x-ray for her (clear) so I think I might just be pushing my luck a tad! x

purple could the bites be something else? (bird mites!!) Its unusual for fleas to hang around for so long after the dog has gone...

venus thank you, I will re-read your post properly later.

Love that bit about I reacted from a sober place!

Thanks Joey but apparently the little fuckers blighters can live in the carpet, dormant, for up to 2 years! x

just me wondering then

concils I think that many of us wonder about people who have posted previously. Maybe some of them are fine and no longer need this forum (great and fabulous!), maybe some of them have just continued with their drinking life (well that's what they want to do) and maybe sometime they'll come back here or go somewhere else for help. Or maybe they're lurking - which is why a call-out like yours is always good...

So go on lurky-babes let us know you're ok xxx

Penis and Mars and what about Silver? and MIFLAW?

Hey Babes

Sorry not to namecheck, just popping on to say I made it to day 13. And what do I do this fine evening? I drink. Not even sure why, as I've been coasting along quite fine without it (a few white-knuckle moments but I coped). But if I'm honest, I knew this morning I was going to drink. I've had a horrendous week, stress levels through the roof, but I didn't pick up. The week has ended on a happier note, so what do I do? Decide to drink, reverting back to the fuck-up I do so well at being.

Irony being, my anxiety has been non-existent this past week, yet I'm hellbent on picking up the one thing that is likely to set me off again. I'm alternating my drinks, having loads of ice, but that doesn't make it OK.

Sorry for the epic brain-fart x

I hope MIFLAW is doing well. I doubt he is a lurker as he never struck me as the type, but I hope and trust whatever is keeping him busy in real life is good. And maybe he'll read this at some point and GET HIS ARSE BACK ON HERE!

hooty - look, give yourself credit for 13 clear days that have been helping your body to heal.

There is nothing to stop you from tomorrow being Day 1 again.

Thanks LRD, you're right, tomorrow is as good a day as any to start again. I just feel in limbo as when I'm not drinking, I'm still thinking about it a lot of the time, wearing myself out in the process.

I can't imagine spending the rest of my life abstaining and battling thoughts every day, maybe eventually they'd go away? But today, the easy option seems to have been to give in, to shut up the internal wrangling.

Gah!

I think they do quieten down. Mine did when I was sober for a longish time. I do know what you mean, though, I really, really know!

Penis and Mars?! Is that venus's new nickname?

hooty I don't usually drink a lot, but do think about it even when not drinking. BUT this has got easier in the last few months, am not obsessing quite as much. So you will find it becomes more of a habit to just not think about it.

Hi all
Dh and Ds are away, dd1 in Spain and Sd2 in Belgium. I have the house to myself.I have had a full body massage from the lovely Derek - he whose hands have been kissed by angels- and eaten half a tub of salt caramel ice cream. I am drinking because I can't stop but I'm OK and will finish this glass and go to bed.

Haha, no Joey that is one of her old names but always makes me

Where do we buy this salt caramel ice cream? It sounds delish and I owe myself a treat when I've lost my first stone.

Co-op! Its delish. Has lovely crunchy bits in it too

BRAG ALERT (again)

Today, after a dreadful start following Nemo losing his first feed and puked his tube out this morning before school so I was ready for a long departure today. Not the case. We played for five minutes whilst I gave instructions on how to replace his lost feed and just to keep and eye on his new tube etc.....

I told him I was going and would be back at 1pm, loved him t the moon and back and went.

HE DIDN'T CRY Not a single tear :) What a brave boy.

venus -you're right, it bloody kills me having to do those forms each year but still, we need the support.

Sorry not to read back, I will when I can, good luck to all Babes and welcome to Consils :)

Ma - enjoy your night xxxx

Night Babes, stay safe :) xx