The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Wondering Where The Spring For Their Boing Is!

[Mouseface]

Hi I'm Mouse

One of the Brave Babes on the Bus, a Bus full of different posters, some who drink more than they'd like to and are trying to stop, some who don't drink at all now, and some who are somewhere in the middle. :)

There's no judging here, no finger pointing, no rejection, just pure, unconditional, (occasionally tough), love and empathy.

We all share stories of how we got here, to have our seat on the Bus, looking for our own personal sobriety, our own personal happiness. Sometimes we talk about other things too, you know, like cake, cheese and even day to day life, life that can lead us to breaking point......... lead us to hit rock bottom.

So, why not come say hi, take a seat, post, lurk, whatever suits you :)

This is our latest journey with a link to others

And this is the reason we're ALL here, the first ever thread

Hope to see you soon :)

Mouse {HUG} You're not a problem. You're human, dealing with difficult things. Don't be so harsh on yourself. You do fantastically well (hoping I don't sound patronising there).

Hello all,
just back from the hospital, not too long a wait this time. Dc just has to rest his leg, but luckily is able to work from home, albeit taking over the house with screens and phones!!
My face feels like a throbbing beacon, due to the wisdom tooth infection, so am now in to stay, out of the horrid weather, for the rest of the day.

Mouse precious girl, don't be so hard on yourself. You have always done the very best for your family,and especially Nemo. Take all the help you can get, and then some. I hope you like the SENDCo at Nemo's school, it makes such a difference if you feel a rapport.
Sending you my love, sweetheart. xxx

Stay warm Babes xxxx

Purple if she's anything like my dd, she will go from callous indifference to loving helpfulness in a heartbeat! It is to do with the age so I must admit I do bite my tongue and wait for the 'other side' to emerge.

Ground rules. No shouting, swearing or being disrespectful to me or any other members of the family. She can have her own opinion, she can express her own opinion appropriately, she can be angry, grumpy, tired, hormonal. But she cannot treat me like dirt.

So, provided she sticks the rules, I let her moodiness go, don't answer back, and when she's ready to include me in her life again I grab it and embrace it and run with it

Get yourself some great music for your journey, plan your route well so you don't get stressed finding the way, pack some sweeties and enjoy your road trip. If she sleeps, so be it but she'll most likely join in.

Mouse you are worrying yourself into a state over something that hasn't happened yet. I know you're right, you know Nemo best and it probably will be difficult. But, but, but... it might not.

Practical strategies - make sure the school know how you want them to handle him. I'm sure they will be more than happy to call you if he gets upset and won't leave him to cry it out. That just would not happen in my school.

Can he take a specific special 'something' that belongs to you into school to 'look after' for you? I think professionals call it a 'transference object'. It will help him to feel closer to you.

Does he have everything he needs to help his communication with staff. Pictures, emotion cards, all that sort of thing.

Does he have some way of measuring time, so that he knows when you are coming back. A visual timetable where staff can cross off things that have been done.

I agree that you should say goodbye and not sneak off. But make it quick, bright and breezy. Big smile on your face, big cheery 'Have a lovely time, see you later' and then scarper. (((Blub all you like when you're out of sight))).

When my dd first started nursery, we made up a song along the lines of "Mummy always comes back". With ds we used to sing 'Always There' from the Land before Time - check it out.

< passes brand new, straight from the packet, with super strong elastic (not because of size but for super efficiency), big girl pants >

(I have more if anyone else wants them?)

Isindie 9 days? Is this a new you emerging from the winter's hibernation that we all seem to be stuck in. Will you be signing up for ma's 10k run? Will your parents be so influenced by your abstaination (real word?) that they join you ... ok, so maybe that's pushing it a bit too for but, go you!!!

Thurso sorry you are all suffering but glad you get to spend time holed up together. Take it easy x

Venus I loved your e norm ou s pun but what I loved even more was that it took you three attempts to get there, old gimmer!! Love ya really. You ok?

Hey all
mouse nice pants! You and nemo are a team and you both have a role to play here. He has to be a big boy and take some steps in the big wide world, and you have to be a big girl and let him. You CAN do this,and the whole bus will be rooting for you.
Stay strong and get your bony ass out of the sidecar.
indie wtf are you doing in Greenock?

Mouse you've so much to cope with just now. Think the advice from camhs makes sense so you don't feel as though you are abandoning Nemo.

Big girl pants, big deep breaths.,,you can do this! Xx

Back after a bad few days, not drinking wise but I learnt a lot from 'that night'. I thought I had some sort of problem ie flirting badly when drunk regretting it awfully the next day and thinking I had a problem with some sort of love/attention addiction. God knows I have every other bloody mental health problem! But I think - without going into long boring detail- my relationship with my DH is over. I search attention elsewhere and drink too much as deeply unhappy. The guy I was flirting with does not want to get involved with a married woman and good on him. He didn't really flirt back I just kept trying to throw myself at him poor sod. It's made me realise that my marriage has been over for a long time, no sex, no respect and sadly noones fault. Just grown apart :( if I was truly happy I wouldn't drink to numb the loneliness and I certainly wouldn't flirt so much. No sex has probably made me frustrated and it has no doubt affected my DH. He can't communicate and I have tried endlessly to make him but sometimes you are just flogging a dead horse. I realised this yesterday, want to be happy and DH deserves the same. He's moving out Monday, he definitely thinks its just until we sort out our problems and maybe it is but pretty sad. Been together 15 years with two small children but need to find myself. Need to start acting my age. I do think I am in a destructive relationship, for us both, and wonder if that's why I drink. Could well be. Thanks for asking after me, just needed to think things through x

Oh and I still love him very much but don't fancy him and we have started to be quite nasty to each other. Shame...

Oh fuzzy hope you can manage to work something out

Hi fuzzy it sounds like you know what you want to happen. Theres a certain amount of peace of mind once you make a decision. Good luck with it all.

Hello all, we are finally home. Long day of travelling just for lunch, needs must and all that.

I know that drinking won't solve anything and I guess I went to my default setting of numbing the emotional and physical pain that I have been going through over the last few weeks. I need to take my own advice more often!

I also know that he will be fine, my gorgeous little FishBoy He has done it before, been fine. His school (Sept school) SENCO is fantastic and adores Nemo, she's known us as a family for years so that makes me feel reassured, and secure that she 'gets' it. The problem is that there are so many cooks in the fucking kitchen that I have no idea who's in charge! Who to believe, who to trust.

So, I am going to trust ME. My GUT. MY HEART. My FEELINGS AND MY INSTINCTS.

I agree with everything that CAMHS said, she's lovely and agreed with lots of things I'd said, about the sleep (lack of it!) the PTSD, the night terrors, the worries that a boy of 3 has, so very grown up worries .

It all got too much, it all just built up and I hit the Fuck It button. Said button has now been put back in it's safe place, under lock and key and normal service has resumed, chocolate is now my weapon of choice again.

I have a lot to do in the next week, admin for Nemo, school, DLA renewal (ARGH!!), just those niggley things that keep us human and make the world go around.

I am sorry for not being honest sooner about the glass every night drinking, I guess because it was only 2/3 glasses, I thought so what but then found myself posting to you guys about stopping whilst swigging a nice Sav Blanc! Hypocrite or what!?

Anyway. I love that you are all so kind and understanding and Faire - I hope with all of my heart that they do not let him cry it out. I am going to do a list for them of what I expect from him, how he'll react and what I would except as reasonable behaviour from them too, in terms of time to call 'Mamam'

He takes his special elephant (Ernie) with him as it is but I do like the idea of him looking after something for me and I guess whilst I'm laminating his day to day stuff for him, I could do one for preschool too.

FFS, this is all just to get him ready for school! All this pressure! All this worry! I know that I have separation issues too, and I'm trying to address them too. I am trying to accept that he WILL be okay without me but for the last almost 4 years, it's always been me. Sometimes DH has made that decision and made it loud and clear, even when I've been at my lowest, most painful version of me..... and sometimes, it's been because it's just been easier for me to fecking do it!

So, come Monday 15th April, my little boy will be settled and left, with a firm plan in place only for the next day to have me there much longer as preschool have called a meeting with the new 1 - 1 that will be in Big School with him come September. Oh well, we'll get through it!!

On a very serious note, I am going to take it ODAAT. And, if it's okay with you lovely Babes, I'm going to lean on you and my close RL friends and DH to get through all of this.... this that might not happen of course

Thank you. Thank you all for being you and for caring even with your own shit to deal with.

Bedtime now, I am going to take some mega pain meds so I can walk tomorrow and enjoy lying down without worrying about reflux, heartburn, needing a wee at 3am, restless sleep and all the other shit that I'd started to suffer from again...... only a couple of weeks, that's all it took. 2/3 weeks of drinking a glass, 2 and maybe 3 each night and BANG, right back to weight gain, chubby face, puffy eyes, jelly belly..... YUK!

Night night xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

PS - sorry for waffling and any typos, I'm shattered xxx

Fuzzyy thoughts are with you
Mouse dont feel guilty you'll be back on track before you know it
I'm of course on day 1 again just can't seem to get pased damn day 4 I am however proud as this is the first Friday I've been off work and not used the it's the weekend everyone will be having a drink as an exuse to drink

Love the way you're always so honest mouse. I hope you get a good night's sleep.

Mouse, hoping pain meds help you to get a good nights sleep & feel ready to face all your challenges.
So glad your being honest about the effects a few glasses of wine is having on you. I'm starting to get that feeling of "maybe one glass wouldn't do any harm" as now I'm feeling great from not drinking. Reading your message has made me remember some of the reasons why I have been trying so hard to stop. I still have my jelly belly though....that's not fair!! Sleep tight lovely xx

Fuzzy, Sounds like big big changes & lots of soul searching. Wishing you huge strength. I did exactly the same as you but what's funny for me is that now I've not had a drink since the start of February I'm starting to get on with my dh more. Still trying to work out for me what that all means.

Night babes x

A very quick 'pop' in. Just of to Cornwall so if you don't hear from me it's because I can't find WiFi/the time/the energy!

Stay well, Babes xxx

Hi ladies..

Im posting very tentatively.

I know I have an alcohol problem. I have had one for YEARS - at least 15.

I am a very very functioning alcoholic. I never miss work, I never drink and drive (even the morning after), I never let anyone down. But I drink to excess all th time. I drink when I'm happy, when I'm sad, when I am anxious (actually I think I drink to medicate anxiety). I fear the damage I have done to my health. I have been drinking about 50 U a week for at least 2 years - sometimes more.

Last weekend I had the horrors. sweating. anxious +++, insomnia. I sacred myself. I am now on day 5 of no alcohol. I cant look past right now. I have no desire to. Im just going one small step at a time.

I do feel better. clearer headed. less anxious. and less ashamed of myself

Welcome ashlea and well done on 5 days. Stay and talk to us

Hi ashlea Im on day 5 as well. Its lovely getting up on a saturday to sunshine and clear head!

Morning, tis me, Mouse

Ashlea - well done on five whole days and for posting in the first place! :) The great thing about this Bus is that you can post about what ever you like, ahem, as you may have noticed!

Yes, we all have alcohol as out glue, our bond as such but we all have different lives and experiences to talk about too. So, post as much as you want, talk to us about what you want, tell us why you feel the way you do, or don't. It really is that simple here. No judging, no finger pointing (other than who ate the Jelly Babies of a certain colour) and there's certainly no-one who is turned away. It's lovely to meet you :)

IsinDe - give those DTs a kiss from me and my boy. :) The preschool support is very limited as they are all about free play and letting the children do as they like. Nemo works better with structure and plans. The issue that I have to face in the coming weeks is simply separation.

That's it. Having to leave him for his half day, every day. He used to do 2 full days and 1 half, but big school want him to start off just doing half days come Sept which is fine with me. The big school SENCO is amazing and knows that if he can only cope with 10 mins, then that's all he will do. She is so tuned is to his needs already and that's without his additional info that I'm going to list for her.

So when I bang on about him going, him not coping, it's really me that won't cope so much. I need to learnt to trust the staff at the preschool. His 1 - 1 needs to call the shots as she knows him best. Not the managers who seem to not get it, although one of them is a SENCO herself . They've never had a Nemo before and the next few weeks will be a testing time for us all. So, ODAAT is how this little mouse shall be taking it, without the aid of alcohol. I need to be clear headed, not hung over and emotional. I need to be solid for HIM.

Also, I have little doubt that he'll prove me wrong and be fine after a few sessions. He just needs to know that mummy IS coming back. Once that sinks in, he'll be fine. Won't he?

Anyway, it's glorious here today, off to the gym soon for some hot water therapy, nothing to heavy on the upper body, just some time out more than a work out! DD is off to the cinema with friends and DH is playing DadTax as per. Then off to town (the nearest one to us ) to get something for dinner and tomorrow too.

What are the rest of you lovely Babes up to this weekend?

Obrigada - I'm glad my post stopped you picking up, it is so not worth it. xx

Joey - thanks, honesty is the only way really, otherwise what's the point? Living in a world of deluded ifs/buts/maybes and somedays....... :) xx

Ma - dare I ask? How are things with DB? Big hugs xxx

Hi Ashlea, welcome to the bus and well done on Day 5. It's fantastic that you have recognized you have a problem and want to make changes in your life. One Day at a Time (ODAAT) is the way that many babes manage to cut down on their drinking so hope this works for you too. I've just finished the Allen Carrs EasyWay to control drinking and have found...for me...this to be really, really helpful.

Mouse, it sounds like things are moving in the right direction, it really does and that services are listening to you and to the demands and needs and needs of Nemo. I really believe that in the long-term this is the right thing for Nemo, for you and for you all as a family. Definitely agree that wine will only make a hugely complex and challenging situation so much harder (but you know this lovely mouse). Your water therapy sounds bliss, enjoy, enjoy, enjoy and don't feel a minute of guilt!!

Purple, hope you and your family have a lovely, relaxing, fun time on holiday.

The weather is changeable here in Scotland (yes, shock, horror) one minute a wee bit sun and some warmth and then nope cloud comes over and bloody freezing again!

Isindie, do you find your dt's are content and play happily with each other. I keep wishing I had twins with my son as have never met such a needy child. He has shouted me about 15 times from the 2 feet away he is from me! I have twin nieces and they were always so content and quiet and kind of amused each other as little girls...but maybe their mother would disagree.

My friend who was meant to be coming over yesterday let me down at the last minute after I hade bought and prepared lunch for us and I really feel it's cause I said to her I wasn't going to drink...hey ho such is life.

I am really loving not drinking alcohol, life just feels so much calmer.

Wishing all babes a good day and hope the sun is shining where you are xx

Obrigada - I have to admit that I have done that in the past, to my utter shame. I have thought 'I really want to drink' when a friend has said she didn't want to drink because she'd been nailing it all weekend, I fancied a glass of wine with lunch and she'd said no booze, so I cancelled. Making up some excuse.

But that was the old me, and if you feel that's what your friend may have done, and she normally likes a drink or expects one when you meet, then I'd say you're right

Sorry you went to all of that effort xx

Purple - how are you, I've missed lots and not sure where everyone is up to.

Been to the gym, managed a half hour of gentle upper body (arms) workout and then went to get some food for the weekend. Severe diet starts Monday. I need to lose 1/2 stone at least. I am fed up that I've gained the weight I'd lost so that's it. Kick ass time. Gym at night when I can (pain allowing) and cutting the crap out! So I have 1 1/2 Easter eggs to eat before then! Yippeeeeee!

Right, park time with Nemo - DadTax has gone to get DD and her friends. Back later xx

Had a lovely day today at the Tentsmuir nature reserve. Pine forests, dunes and miles of empty beaches. Just the thing. DB came with us and enjoyed the fresh air. He didn't get a job he had interviewed for and I was worried it might be a trigger, but he seemed OK and definitely sober.he is doing some voluntary work at the library and has rejoined the French Institute (he is fluent) so he can meet other Francophiles. All good for the time being.
mouse has nemo got the book Owl Babies? It was a big favourite of the dds when they were little. The main point of the story is that the babies - Sarah and Percy and Bill - are afraid when the mummy owl goes hunting and worry that she won't come back. It has the refrain "mummy always comes back" running through it, and of course, she does. We still quote it to the grown up Dcs when they feel wobbly! Might be good for nemo and has lovely pictures.

Evening lovely babes,

ma that's a good suggestion about the owl babies book (though that line makes me blubber a bit) Sounds like you had a really nice day.

mouse lots and lots of hugs for you. For what it's worth, it sounds to me as though the school are communicating well with you and taking on board what you say, and have nemo's best interests at heart. Making lists and written explanations is a brilliant idea. I think the change will be tricky at times, because it is a big,big,big change but everything possible is being done to smooth the path. Thinking of you lovely mouse x

purple ooh holiday, have a great time.

clutter Yeah maybe she did cancel for that reason but or maybe not, but if it was because of not being able to drink then she may start to have a little think about how to cut down ... Tell her you know this great thread she could join Clutter are you really suggesting twin boys as a pleasant way to spend an afternoon? Because ds is still available, he likes shouting,breaking,throwing,wrestling,tantrums and chasing cats. Apart from that he's adorable

isinde sounds lovely where you are. Hope tomorrow begins just as well as today did.

ashlea welcome to the bus! 5 days is fantastic you have got through the worst of it already. What do you want to do? Stop,control,cut down? any thoughts?

Yep Guggs, I do (a little) think crazy twin boys would be easier than one crazy, needy boy or maybe that's just bonkers!
Just think then my little boy would have a friend as he's desperate to play & wants me to play all his crazy games. Would happily have your ds for the day if you would have mine the next day!

I do think it was something to do with me saying I wasn't drinking that influenced my friend not coming round. I did say to her that it was just me not drinking, didn't say no booze allowed but I do remember when your drinking it makes you feel uncomfortable when around non-drinkers. I have been very guilty in the past of putting pressure on people to drink when they've said they're not. 1. As I've believed in the past it's always more fun when everyone drinks and 2. As I suppose you feel people will be more accepting of your drunken behaviour.