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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Orgasm (Hers)

37 replies

alwayslookingup · 22/03/2013 13:01

Hi all,

new to this site and a first time poster (but really enjoying what I've read so far, very honest and refreshing).

Anyway, to topic. I'm 52 and separated for almost three years. I've had a girlfriend of the same age for most of my separation (I never played away when married). Our lovelife is great, very passionate and spontaneous and I really enjoy being intimate with her. I love just lying in bed with her, holding her, talking to her.

However, though she has an orgasm fairly easily during lovemaking (by tongue, fingers, intercourse), SHE ONLY EVER HAS ONE. She says she's quite happy with this and I guess she must be. However, mixed messages here folks. I'm a simple bloke, and my reading of as much work on the subject as I can tends to suggest the more orgasms a woman can have the better. Or have I got it totally wrong?

So, comments please, does anyone have a view on this? I'll say here that it doesn't particularly worry me, though if I could give her more pleasure I'd love to be able to.

And, apologies if this has been discussed before. I hope it hasn't been a big yawn reading this far.

M.

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 22/03/2013 13:03

Put it this way.... can you experience orgasm and then do the same thing all over again a few minutes later? Hmm Thought not. Focus on what the real woman tells you and not what happens in erotic novels or porn movies.

Original poster
alwayslookingup · 22/03/2013 13:11

Wow, flamed within two minutes of posting. Is that a mumsnet record?

Of course men can't orgasm two minutes after the first one, but I'm led to believe lots of women can.

However, yes, you're perfectly right, I should listen to what she tells me. We are so good together, in ALL aspects of our lives. And do you know what, she's been away skiing in France this week and I've felt really lonely, I can't wait till I see her tomorrow evening.

So thanks for the "telling off". I'll go away and stop being such a silly b**r and realise just what a good thing I have.

M.

OP posts:
catballou · 22/03/2013 13:13

You say she's happy with just one? So where's the problem? If it ain't broke don't fix it. I'd say most woman would be quite happy and satisfied to orgasm once while being intimate with their partner.

catballou · 22/03/2013 13:14

good man alwayslooking up-you learn fast ;)

Lovingfreedom · 22/03/2013 13:15

OP listen to your partner. She says she's happy - I'd say she's the expert on her own sexuality tbh. Stop trying to prove her wrong and get on with it.

BunnyLebowski · 22/03/2013 13:16

Stop basing your sexual expectations on porn?

Squirting and multiples are not the norm for most women.

Be happy that you can make her orgasm. It's a struggle for lots of couples.

TooYappy · 22/03/2013 13:18

I have a friend I met for FWB and this is the reason I haven't been to see him in months, he seems to think I'm some machine that can just keep going and all I want to do is go to sleep.

It is possible, I did it one night, never again, I ended up with Bartholin cyst. I would rather stay home and read my book now! Smile

EggandSpooneyMara · 22/03/2013 13:21

Gosh he sounds great - no need for being so harsh.

OP I understand where you're at, you must have heard from various sources that we like to have more than one orgasm.

It's not that uncommon for women to be unable to at all, let alone more than once at a time. Please don't concern yourself with the myths and hearsay about it - she's said she is happy so that's cool.

Fwiw I've never heard anyone complain that it only happens once. Smile

Keep on keeping on

CogitoErgoSometimes · 22/03/2013 13:21

That wasn't a flaming....

OxfordBags · 22/03/2013 13:21

People get the wrong idea of what multiple orgasms mean: it usually means that when a woman orgasms, she gets waves of pleasure which subside then grow then subside and grow... Could be twice or several times, the point being that it is the amount of times the sensations dip then creacendo again that is a mutiple orgasm, not having an orgasm then 10 mins later having another one then 20 mins later, havng another. Those would be technically multiple orgasms, in that there is more than one, but actually they are all single orgasms.

If she is happy but you keep worrying about her having more, I'd say that speaks more about your feelings about your own performance thsn anything else.

EggandSpooneyMara · 22/03/2013 13:22

Who said he watches porn??

Wishiwasanheiress · 22/03/2013 13:22

Never responded to anyone on here before but well ur post seemed honest. I am guessing but maybe one is deep enough for her? Maybe hers is very strong so not easy to repeat? Maybe the multiple idea starts to sound fake? Maybe she's tired? Maybe she's had enough? Maybe she's then happy making u happy?

Stop over thinking. U make her come. Pretty regularly by the sounds of it. Sounds great. Don't put her off!

mcmooncup · 22/03/2013 13:25

Yes sorry OP, but be careful you don't continue on this vein. You are in real danger of becoming a total turn off.

Imagine your partner kept asking "Why can't you have multiple orgasms? What's wrong with you?"

General response to that over time is...."erm, go fuck yourself".

mcmooncup · 22/03/2013 13:26

Eggs Porn is where the expectation that women just keep on going forever until the man choses to end it comes from.

catballou · 22/03/2013 13:31

I think always has run away now. Come back! all is forgiven....

Original poster
alwayslookingup · 22/03/2013 13:41

Hi guys,

no, haven't run away, just nipped out to shop to get something for lunch. And I'm really appreciative of all the comments.

In particular, LovingFreedom, "Stop trying to prove her wrong and get on with it." Got it in one. It's taken a failed marriage, two years of therapy and a broken relationship with my two daughters to realise that I am a control freak. There, said it.

And OxfordBags, you've actually described EXACTLY how she tells me she feels, though she calls them "aftershocks", and continues the analogy by how high on the Richter Scale she felt that one was!

And I know this woman is the best thing that's happened to me in the recent past, and I'm doing my best not to f**k it up this time. And like I said, I can't wait to see her tomorrow evening. She'll be staying at mine, and there's a bottle of champers in the fridge, which we'll drink in bed, before, during and after lovemaking. Can't wait.

M.

OP posts:
mcmooncup · 22/03/2013 13:48

"She'll be staying at mine, and there's a bottle of champers in the fridge, which we'll drink in bed, before, during and after lovemaking. Can't wait."

So long as she wants to do that too, right?

She does have a choice, yes?

Original poster
alwayslookingup · 22/03/2013 13:51

mcmooncup, erm, yes, it's what we arranged last week. In fact, it was her suggestion.

OP posts:
Original poster
alwayslookingup · 22/03/2013 13:52

God, I don't come across that bad, do I?

OP posts:
ElliesWellies · 22/03/2013 13:56

No OP, you don't come across as bad at all. You sound like a very considerate man.

If your partner and you are both happy with your sex life, and life in general, then it doesn't need fixing.

SolidGoldBrass · 22/03/2013 13:58

OP, you may be a very nice man in a relationship with a woman who appreciates you very much. I hope for both your sake and hers that this is the truth and you genuinely wanted a bit of advice, which you have now had.
But you are starting to give the impression that you want to wave your knob at us and have us admire how skilled, caring and fabulous you are with it. Which is a little bit oversharing-ish and starting to verge on creepy.

Lovingfreedom · 22/03/2013 14:01

yes, you're not doing bad for a 'simple bloke'... well done ... and if she decides she wants more, she can always call Rampant Rabbit.

Original poster
alwayslookingup · 22/03/2013 14:01

Oh dear, wasn't meant to be. But anyway, thanks for all the comments folks, been very useful

OP posts:
Original poster
alwayslookingup · 22/03/2013 14:06

SolidGoldBrass - Maybe I should go drink some beer and shoot road signs with "ma buddies". Would that be sufficient reversion to type?

OP posts:
GinGuzzler · 22/03/2013 14:09

Speaking from personal experience here to much in one night results in sore bits.