My DH is conducting a flirty private message chat on Facebook - not with me!

[JoySchtick]

I saw on my DH's Facebook messages that he has been flirting with a woman - 'ooh you're so sexy', 'you're very cute', she putting kisses on messages.

It is definitely in no way innocent and just friends but I really don't think they have DTD. It all seems like the beginning of something rather than that they have gone the whole way.

I had an inkling there was something not right and so I snooped.

I do not have any DCs - he does, not with me, from a previous relationship.

I feel weirdly calm and shaky at the same time but what do I do?

Do I confront him? But that could just mean that he is more careful to hide it in future. I don't want to bust in all guns blazing - I want to do what is right for me! I just don't know what my options are.

I hate lies and I can't cope with them at all.

Advice anyone?

Stupid cow, on her situation wouldn't you just lie low & shut the fuck up instead of posting shit like that on Facebook?

Joy, be strong xx

I should post something on the sane friend's page along the lines of "Just because you haven't the chance to had sex yet, doesn't mean it isn't an affair"

If be sorely tempted to react to this holier than thou shit with some eloquent wrath. They deserve it.

You sound really calm. Their attitudes STINK. I'd be fucking ranting at this point but I suspect you're in shock. Reading about this is shocking enough; living it must be awful.

Get angry - I don't mean rant and rave like I would but channel it into escaping this rat.

*I'd

Lundy would definitely say you should leave!

Joy so sorry. Keep yourself safe xo

And for what it's worth I'm at the point where I would think 'Fuck the pair of you!' and tell her husband.

They actually sound like they deserve each other. I cannot comprehend how utterly deluded your DH is.

Thanks fraggletits that saves me having to read a whole book.

I am very, very angry. I've always found schmaltzy inspirational quotes a bit irritating.

I am mindful of this:

If you react they can point at you in your madness and accuse you of being deranged, nasty, a bitch whatever they want and turn it into your fault.

Joy, he meant to lock you out.

His comment about 'stupid escalation' reveals --
-he intended it to be an escalation, he saw it as a reasonable thing to do (he projects, and he minimises what he thinks and does)
-he sees this as a war or contest and not a loving relationship

You need to pay attention to your own safety and focus all your energy on ending this as soon as you can manage it, legally. Then you need to try to get him out of your hair emotionally.

I didn't bold that just for effect. He is capable of doing whatever it takes in his mind to establish control. Pack your things. Forget earplugs.

Do you have anywhere you can go, tomorrow or even today? Failing that, plan fast, but your plan needs to involve leaving and your safety.

What will you do?

He's already made it clear it's all your fault...

Good grief.

Um I'm almost speechless reading this. So sorry this is happening in your life right now.

Can I just ask though why on earth you are sitting in a house letting someone who has betrayed you scream and rant at you? Surely there is somewhere else you can go? Earplugs? How about removing yourself totally from this complete wanker?

Of course he meant to lock you out. I'd have to tell her husband now. But you're a better person than I

I'd be on the phone to her husband, I wouldnt be able to help myself after that lot of BS they've both come out with

Please please ring him

disclaimer I'm not saying its a good idea but I could help myself

Fuck them both

I don't understand why they are being such goady fuckers when you could just forward the evidence you have to her poor h.

They have so much more to lose than you. Weirdos.

I think you should get out now though because he is in no way rational. Have you contacted a solicitor?

Could'nt

He is a nasty piece of work.

Can you ensure you take all your important paperwork out of your home and keep at friends house, along with a bag of clothing? I think you need to prepare to just move out, move on, and forward their messages to OWs husband. The more you say about your dh and OW the more I think her dh needs to know how she is behaving.

Can you go to the house with a burly male friend and get Important things out of the house? He will probably go though your things.

I second phoning her husband or getting one of your mates to do it!

I have been following this thread from the beginning and I feel very sorry you are going through this.

What worries me is that you haven't said you are going to leave.

We are all analysing the details but this man is beyond reasoning with.

I don't understand why you are still there? Are you waiting for him to leave you?

Yeah that's a good quote Joy, I have been worked up to overreacting with my H and then instantly look like the bad one.

Unbelievably there are more women in prison for domestic crimes against their husbands than the other way round apparently, according to the nice lady at WA I spoke to yesterday!

Like everyone else I am gob smacked at his reaction. It would certainly make me want to tell her husband all the more.

What a twat he is. Don't put up with anymore of this balming behaviour from him. Please.

Sorry you are going through this, he sounds delusional. Just to make it absolutely clear - Restraining orders are not granted by the police but by the Courts and there is no way that one phone call to someone is harassment. For him to even think that the police would be interested is a joke. You have to show a pattern of behaviour that causes harassment, alarm or distress so please don't be frightened by his bullying bravado. On the other hand his behaviour towards you does show a pattern of harassment and if you were to go to the police I think it is his behaviour rather than yours which would cause them concern. Please stop talking to him, it can only cause you anguish now you know he cares nothing for your feelings.