My DH is conducting a flirty private message chat on Facebook - not with me!

[JoySchtick]

I saw on my DH's Facebook messages that he has been flirting with a woman - 'ooh you're so sexy', 'you're very cute', she putting kisses on messages.

It is definitely in no way innocent and just friends but I really don't think they have DTD. It all seems like the beginning of something rather than that they have gone the whole way.

I had an inkling there was something not right and so I snooped.

I do not have any DCs - he does, not with me, from a previous relationship.

I feel weirdly calm and shaky at the same time but what do I do?

Do I confront him? But that could just mean that he is more careful to hide it in future. I don't want to bust in all guns blazing - I want to do what is right for me! I just don't know what my options are.

I hate lies and I can't cope with them at all.

Advice anyone?

"such a horrible person and did I want to end up alone with no friends."

Argh ARGH again!

Xales nope I don't particularly believe it. Just hoping to make my life a little easier, short term.

I do clearly understand what all of this means. I hope I do anyway. It's not nice, i'm so, so . I don't want to say or type the words just yet.

Those who have said that I am running on adrenaline and in an emotional spin are right. For now I need to regroup my resources, physically and emotionally and mentally.

I so wish that it wasn't this way but it is.

In the next few days am going to go somewhere where people care for me. Which so clearly is not the case here.

(((hug)))

God Joy please for the sake of self repect stop communicating with him, get your stuff and go. I have never heard such low level disrespect. He clearly doesn't want you around, the fact too that he is protecting this other woman would just kill me, I would need to just get my things, get the hell away from him as he is a fucking freak show, lick my wounds somewhere and move on. Communication with this piece of shit just seems at best utterly futile, at worst damaging and mind bending for you - you really need to get away - so sorry lovey :(

Good idea. Great idea.

Get the Lundy Bancroft book or one on make control, to really galvanise your thinking.

He shows not ONE sign of capability of change.

Please check with the police or a lawyer your legal situation re the house. If he locks you out he is probably breaking the law. Mind you, i would go anyway!

Today on a well known social media site a......let's call her a friend of a friend....posted two 'inspiring' quotes which were along these lines.

Quote a: "Never underestimate someone else's pain because some people are just better at hiding it"

Quote b: "Nowadays people often say 'I'm offended' as if that gives them certain rights, actually it's just whining. It has no meaning, no reason, no purpose."

Joy is taking the highest flipping road she can find.

Quote b: "Nowadays people often say 'I'm offended' as if that gives them certain rights, actually it's just whining. It has no meaning, no reason, no purpose. No reason to be respected."

Bloody hell Joy, did he seriously think you would accept that he should be allowed to,have this affair and you say nothing about it? And the fallout fault is yours??????

So sorry lovely xx get to where you are loved and eat chocolate xxx

Look, I'm not going to just suddenly run out. I need to plan a bit.

I fear that the pair of them are desperate to goad me though.

Um who posted those quotes????

something It was not on my H's pages. It was on a ....friend of a friend's pages.

Of course you do. Avoid wherever you can then, if you think they will goad you. They can't be trusted whatsoever.

Exactly.....!!

It's nice to be understood.

They are. If you react they can point at you in your madness and accuse you of being deranged, nasty, a bitch whatever they want and turn it into your fault.

Your apparent coolness and lack of interaction means they cannot escalate.

Your H could rant at you all he wanted, thump things, get in the way of you. If you shouted back he could escalate it to a nasty row. If you pushed past him he could shove you. It would have all given him an excuse.

Heartbreaking as it is your lack of interaction is the best thing.

Please,please, please...LTB!!!!!

His lack of concern for you and loyalty to the OW is just hideous to read

I also bought some ear plugs on the way home.

One can only take so much ranting and it can get very noisy round here.

His lack of concern for you and loyalty to the OW is just hideous to read

It is truly awful.

Oh I understood which site and which friend.

Translation: it's all about me not her.

A mantra to practice:

" detach, detach, detach"

xx

Yes, she is quite a new friend. I didn't even know she existed until two weeks ago. It was only one week ago that I realised her significance.

I'm not sure I really like her as a friend at all though.

(OK, that's enough cryptic stuff)

I think you need to get yourself away ASAP. He sounds a bit desperate. Glad to hear you're going to be with caring people over the weekend.

Your DH is a... Hmm, think I have no adequate words. I'm staggered. This must be making you reel like crazy. Regroup is right.

Earplugs a good idea! Just don't hang around too long or you'll end up believing you drove him to it and that it was really spiteful of you to contact her!!