Regale me with hilarious/ridiculous things that a narcissist or enabler has said to you....

[Herrena]

I'll go first.

My DF acts as enabler for my narcissist M, although I doubt he's fully aware of this. We were discussing her and my god-awful childhood yesterday over skype when he dropped in this little gem:

'Well, you were so quiet. You didn't really defend yourself properly.'

What the actual fuck?!

I didn't really process the remark at the time but now I'm bloody fuming.

Go on, tell me yours. Let's laugh at the bastards and then maybe I won't spend the next week dwelling on my wrath

Oh Binky, I'm so sorry. Are you ok?

Binky - sorry to hear it is a rough time. But yes, this thread is amazingly therapeutic.

I just don't know anyone except my dad who would even consider writing their own eulogy. I mean, that is crazy, right? Aren't people supposed to find nice things to say at the funeral? Isn't that the whole point of a eulogy? Yes - I just looked it up on Wikipedia.

I still find myself genuinely searching for explanations of his behaviour sometimes, even though I KNOW there is no point. He is simply ridiculous. And should be laughed at.

I think when he does go, I'll be crying about how sad it is that he was such a tosser and hurt us all so much and could never, never change. Because that is genuinely sad.

I know - the cat thing was terrible. i had forgotten about it until this thread. It is such a clear example of the impact this sort of stuff has but I didn't really see it at the time.

i have psychical signs from the stress of it all. I had really awful psoriasis for years until I moved aboard and it miraculously cleared up. I also have an auto immune disorder which is known to be triggered by stress, along with the usual mental health issues of course...

Tbh is only now in my mid 30's I'm starting to realise it's actually her not me. Thank god for MN!

I'm not sure if I'm ok, still trying to process stuff, I am wondering wether to open up on here but I have a headache from the last bout of crying.

I think when my dad does finally go, i will be upset not because my dad is dead but because my dad never lived, my grief will be for what could have been.

I no longer look for explanations for his behaviour as there is none, nor do I try to adjust my behaviour to please him, it never will. The only way I have found to get through the 'stuff' is to look at it as an outsider, and to never give him an emotional reaction. It took years to get to this point, he sometimes still has an effect but i never show him.

Blinky that's terrible. All these things are so hurtful. Having to constantly internalise everything that happens does manifest itself psychically. I have no doubt that at all.

I'm sorry my car story has brought back bad memories. Really hope you're ok.

Also sorry for the spelling errors!

Seriously you do NOT need to apologise!

I have had LOTS of therapy to help me figure out what is going on in my head and it has given me tools to help me process these memories when they come back with force. It is all part of getting over it.

The statue bit is just priceless.

My sister is a narc too. She made some wonderfully helpful comments after I had DS2 (difficult pregnancy, quite sickly all the way thru and at hospital every 5 minutes for tests and stuff) We were at mums for tea and she said to everyone that she "never wanted to have babies because she didn't want to get postnatally fat like me."
It got so bad with the wonderful mum and sister tag team and their enabler in the form of my useless lump of dad, that my already present OCD developed into an eating disorder.
Much crapness ensued, with mum confronting my husband at his place of work, in front of all our friends and demanding to know why he had driven me to it and that she would fight him if he put me in hospital.

Then they came to the house and said I should leave him because it was all his fault, he wanted me to be ill so he could stay at home on benefits while he looked after me. W.T.F!? ( both worked at same place and they were incredibly supportive, allowed compassionte leave and a flexible work schedule for appointments etc)
Then the big show...my MIL died and it all got too much, I tried to do away with myself and when my husband called my mum to ask if she could look after the kids for the afternoon while everything calmed down she screamed down the phone at me " How dare you do this to me just before I leave for work? I can't go out upset like this, it's not fair!" And she duly handed the phone to narc sister who said- and this burned more than anything- "If you want mum to look after your kids, you'll have to start paying her."
Okay, now I made myself feel bad. What's worse is narc sis is now expecting her first baby and DM is all over her like a rash, perfect baby perfect daughter blah blah blah.

Aw, soundwave, that is terrible.

building :( :( That is such a sad story.
I was the first person to go to university in my family, and did so on a full grant (those were the days!)
Guess who refused to come to my graduation because my father had given me 100£ to pay off my overdraft ... :( - how could I possible have done such an evil terrible thing as to take 'all that money'??? - I had not even asked - my father had offered
Oh, and my family moved abroad the summer I was 18.
It was probably the happiest summer of my life.
They were supposed to have emigrated for good!
I can still hear my nan's voice in the September telling me over the phone that they were all coming back.
I sometimes wonder if I could have broken free if they had not come back :(

arthritic How dare you take all that money ...that he offered? Gosh, how awful of you!

Yes, I went into therapy for the first time when my family moved back. I basically ended up in bed for about two weeks unable to move.

But I do actually feel relatively free of them now thanks to therapy. I am not NC, I still see them and they still manage to annoy me, but they don't have that hold on my anymore. I have perspective, and a life of my own. And I can laugh my socks off at some of their more bonkers utterances.

I did not think I had a narc mother but reading this I am not sure. I had an mc a few years ago and she said she was very sorry, but then did not want to talk about it again as it was too upsetting, she then took a day off work as it had upset her so much.

sound just read your post. :( :( :(

my M always insults me - its practically her hobby. but yest my dd aged 4yrs asked her for help with her colouring and my M says to her "its ok your mam isnt the sharpest knife in the drawer either"

Thank you so very much :) after living with a toxic sis for all my 44 years I have realised I am not alone .
It did start with me in hospital after sis fed me tablets when I was a baby so maybe this started this bad relationship .
When we were at school together (she is 2 years older) she told me not to tell anyone we were sisters . She went on to blank me whenever we met at school :(
When I had my dd at 20 my mum said my sis was crying when she found out and said I had ruined the family .
She has never sent my dd bday or xmas card or present .
Roll on 25 years and dd has 3 dc of her own , my parents and dp and I adore them and very proud but when around sister no one mentions my dd or her family so as not to upset sis ( she has no dc as she does, nt like them ) . Every family function involves my sis almost waving me away as she has finished telling me how great she is :(
The icing on the cake was when my mum told me the other day that my sis and her dh were writing wills and had no family to leave there huge house too but wanted to keep it in the family.
Well as my dd is her only niece does she not get a thought . Not grabbing , hand on heart , but just suprised that as my dd and her dc are our whole familys next 2 generations down why did, nt she even give them a thought .
Thanks guys for first time in life I realise its her problem NOT mine :)

tb-love the wedding idea, hee hee, wish I could turn the clock back, at the thought of getting married elsewhere on the same day

And saying she wouldn't attend if you got married in Manchester. Pfffft..cheeky old bag

(a bit of a clue as to where I live ).

sounds - I feel for you, my youngest dsis was the perfect child, and produced a perfect granddaughter for her. Mum fell in love with gdaughter at first sight, but went beyond the boundaries of grandmothers 'favourite'. Mum wanted complete control over her gdaughter and it caused many rows. My dsis is estranged from the family and my niece doesn't speak to her mum. Mum got what she wanted. Yet my dsis was her favourite once......

crushed would have been Birch don't know if that's your neck of the woods - the thing that really got me was the 'your father won't be going etc'. I don't think it's a church any more now - it was fairly near to Owen's Park.

'Twas the same over wedding cars - we lived a quick 4 mins dash down the entry from the church, didn't really see the point of paying for 2 huge Austin Princesses - the huge black weddingy-type ones just for going round the block. It was the same - your father ie I'm not walking to church as she couldn't have given a flying one how he and I got to the church.

I can remember the reception - "let me see your ring again. No, I don't like white gold" as if she had to reassure me how much she didn't like the ring we chose together.

tb, is that the Fallowfield area, near Owens Park?

I don't know the area very well, to be honest, apart from the Christie hospital, which I know is very near, having visited a couple of times recently. My dad was born and brought up in Withington, so knows a bit about the area. I live on t'other side, the northern part of Manchester, near Bury.

I can't believe the self entitlement of some people, can you? My mum would have done the same, never in a million YEARS would she walk anywhere if she didn't have to. Sorry for calling her a cheeky old bag, it wasn't my place .

Sorry the church has gone, sounds like it meant something special to you.

Crushed yes, just off Wilmslow Road, opposite Platt fields, but not quite as far out as the toast rack. Just after the end of the curry mile.

Crushed cheeky old bag isn't the half of it.

I've just remembered another one. I was about 17 and she was having a good moan. I can remember saying about something "It isn't my problem", meaning that I couldn't advise - not being 'clever' or anything. Next thing, she'd given me an almighty backhander across the face.

I said that if she ever did that again, I'd hit her back. A few years later, she did, and I hit back Funnily enough, she never said anything to my df - had she done so, he'd have played hell with me. She must have felt guilty.

After separating from my sometimes abusive alcoholic exH, and struggling with 2 young DCs, 150 miles from family, juggling a mental full-time job, bailiffs and debt nightmare from the lies my ex told, plus his continual suicide attempts, I had a mini breakdown and was prescribed ADs.

My mother, when hearing the full story, asked why I was so upset.

llaregubb, its unbelievable isn't it, how they trivialise other people's problems, yet their own are exaggerated. How DO they do it?

tb, sounds like you stunned her when you hit her back. Maybe thats what they need. An unexpected, loud, short, sharp shock in response.

Did she go back to being a narc after that?

My mum and stepdad are a right pair. They live in their own little world and everything revolves around them. There have been numerous but my two faves are:

My mum asked me to hold DS's first birthday party at my DB's house (an hour away) because they don't like driving to my house. Not so easy for DH's family, and all of our friends to get to though, mum. Cue much sulking and calls from her to DB accusing me of being awkward.

My parents had a difficult relationship and split up when I was 9. Dad died 3 years later. DB and I were banned from talking about him and all photos of him were removed from the house. Stepdad was on the scene by this point so I suspect it was driven by him, though mum seemed happy to comply. So, 2 weeks before my wedding mum phones and asks me what's going in the groom's speech. I tell her it's a secret. She then asks me not to mention my dad at all at the wedding because they would just prefer it that way. Totally ignored my, DB's and all my dad's relatives' feelings. So of course I wrote a gushing piece about what a great dad he'd been and how much we all miss him for DH to read out. I was denied the right to grieve for him when he died so this small payback was the least I could do.

I read some of the early posts out of curiosity, not thinking they had any particular relevance to me personally.
I now realise I have been surrounded by narcs for most of my life, and am starting attempts to extricate myself from marriage to one

tb Your post about exam results gave me a flashback. I was 14 and got 98% in a Maths test. I skipped home thinking that male parent (can't say DF) would finally be pleased with me. I got a sneer and ... so why couldn't you get 100% then?