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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

would this annoy you aswel?

19 replies

stella10 · 15/03/2013 18:58

My partner who I've been with over 5 years and have a child with keeps making comments about other people who r hung up on their girlfriends....like 'why the hell be so strung out over a woman! And recently 'its only a relationship get over it and find someone else' I find it offensive am I being too sensitive or is he letting me know how he sees me/us in a not so subtle way?

OP posts:
Brightlydoesit · 15/03/2013 19:04

This would worry me as well. Like you I would rightly or wrongly interpret it as an indication of how he viewed his own relationship.

SanityClause · 15/03/2013 19:08

Why don't you say "Is that what you think of me, then?"? Or, possibly, if you arefeeling more conciliatory "It really upsets me when you say that, because it sounds like it's what you think of me."

kinkyfuckery · 15/03/2013 19:09

Is this what he thinks of people in unhappy relationship? Maybe he sees yours differently?

Sunshinewithshowers · 15/03/2013 19:15

Mine was doing this in December, then left me in January for OW, , 9 years we were together & Im 34 weeks pregnant!

He developed this 'oh well' answer to most things & when I said how awful that his boss had left his wife & kids for a woman at work, he said - well we don't know what was going on at home..

Im not saying your DP is the same at all, but now I look back at all the signs of my DP, he turned even more heartless every day.

HollyBerryBush · 15/03/2013 19:19

How many times do you tell a GF that 'there are more fish in the sea' or 'its only a bloke' .... it's just common parlance.

Original poster
stella10 · 15/03/2013 19:46

If I call him on it he will deny it....be scared of calling it a day most probably and want to stay for the sake of our son. I just wish I knew how he really felt. I wouldn't want to carry on just for u'd sake of it

OP posts:
Original poster
stella10 · 15/03/2013 20:42

Sorry sunshine that is terrible I've only just taken in what you've actually said:-( I can see what u mean though its like they're clearing their way ready to leave isn't it? Worst thing is I wouldn't mind if he did go its the staying and bein treated like part of the furniture I don't like. How are you coping? Must be worse being pregnant do you have other kids? You are best off knowing now though...:/i was on here in tears many times around the birth of our child through various upsets and deep down I think I knew he couldn't care less but he wouldn't go you see so I was stuck wondering.:-( I think I'd rather know but wen they turn on the charm and tell u they want to make it work and they love you how do you know??

OP posts:
ClippedPhoenix · 15/03/2013 20:48

Someone can swear blind they love you and be gone in an instant.

You know by the way he treats you.

Do you "feel" loved and cherished? Or confused and hurt?

By the way I'd take this remark as him saying women are inferior.

IsBella · 15/03/2013 20:50

He's telling you how important he sees you as.

Listen to a man when he tells you what he is.

IsBella · 15/03/2013 20:51

(This one's telling you he's not someone who takes your relationship seriously. Which is fine if you don't mind, but not if you do.)

Shr0edinger · 15/03/2013 20:53

Wow. It's like he sees women just as dvds or something.. You take one out, you put another one in.

Is he trying to warn you that you don't mean much to him. It sounds like he is telling you that if you dumped him, he'd just shrug. Maybe you should say "yeh, I know what you mean, I could take or leave you, so........ have a nice life"

Sunshinewithshowers · 15/03/2013 21:05

Not good today, but Im better off without him, having discovered all his messages to lots of other woman & lies he told them.

I never existed in these messages to them & Its our first baby.
He was decorating the baby's room, appeared excited, scan picture was his screensaver & yet would jump every time I saw him texting. Very strange person.

Keep posting OP, we are always here,

I hope you will be o.k, Its bloody hard being with someone like that.

Original poster
stella10 · 15/03/2013 21:15

Nope don't feel loved at all. Thats the problem. Need to sort it out I think but both afraid of the practicalities and implications which are huge but as people wil rightly say not as bad as staying in a shit relationship...i wil be back on this thread but don't think I can raise the issue with him tonight. I was feeling very down today over other things so am probably overly emotional and it will be an argument if discussed tonight so a job for tomorrow!! Oh I'm so sorry sunshine I feel for u but also u prove my point of what arse holes men can be and sometimes I feel I'm staying just so the nasty piece of work is kind of on my side.:/

OP posts:
ClippedPhoenix · 15/03/2013 21:20

We all deserve to feel loved and cherised by a partner. Anything less is grounds for leaving.

Life is far too short.

Original poster
stella10 · 15/03/2013 21:41

Thanks clipped phoenix makes sense actually but I think he has more to lose than me in some ways and I don't know if I have the strength to leave when he makes it so hard. I need to do it though before things get worse. That comment he made a while ago about why be so upset over a WOMAN in a disgusted way has played on my mind for a while....

OP posts:
ClippedPhoenix · 15/03/2013 23:12

Get worse? What could get worse?

Ending something is never easy but living an uhappy life is totally soul destroying.

Original poster
stella10 · 16/03/2013 07:32

It could get worse by him turning nasty he atleast pretends to love me most of the time now and I lied a bit in op we actualy have 2 kids together and I'm struggling with them at the moment so on my own would be very difficult. I know I've made him sound awful but he isn't all the time we've had a very hard spell lately I just don't know if he actually means the things he's been saying the way they've come out or if I'm reading too much into it. Think I'm just going to ask him....3 guesses what he'll say though:/need to see if I can tell wen he's lying:-/

OP posts:
Greatscotty · 16/03/2013 07:37

His attitude toward women in general is that they're disposable.

I'll bet he doesn't like women very much. For those two reasons alone I'd bin him.

Men like that do not cherish and respect their partners except in so far as it gets them what they want and as soon as the supply runs out they detach and go. I think that's why it can be so hard to leave or devastating when the man leaves (usually for OW).

I'm speaking from experience. I count myself lucky because I wasn't that emotionally vulnerable that I couldn't see what was happening but I can honestly say that since I ended it it's as if he was never here - and that's because of him and his attitude to women.

You will be fine OP. MN is such a great life line and you won't be alone.

Original poster
stella10 · 16/03/2013 07:46

I'd agree probably doesn't like women much from other comments he's made but he also comments on single friends who have never met anyone that ist odd and I said maybe they like being on their own and his answer was 'yes but everyone wants someone at home....to grow old with...! Again hurt my feelings because is that me??just someone betta than noone?

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