Manchild tantruming in the morning. I'm fuxxing fuming!!!

[familygirl27]

I am so angry with him. He thinks its acceptable to freak out in the morning because he is tired.

He has regular appointments on a Tuesday at 12 and Wednesday at 9:30. Today I woke him up at 8:00am for his regular appointment and he started freaking out at me in front of the kids swearing, shouting and then stomping off. I've fuckin had just about enough.

His excuse is always that he is tired!!! So fucking what!!! We are all fuckin tired you fuckin Manchild!!! I'm sorry for the swearing but he gets me so mad.

Arhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I'm fuming. We have talked about his tantrums in the past but nothing changes. I'm on mat leave and supposed to be going to work next month on a part time basis but this means on the days I work I will have to be up at 4:30am to leave the house for 6:00am and then won't get back home till 7:30pm which means he will be looking after the two children (dd1 who is 3 and dd2 who is 11 months). I'm just worried he's going to be behaving like this because he is tired and I really won't be able to take that shit in the morning.

Please someone give me some advice

Because he won't get up himself.. He's a Manchild

maybe he should have the same bedtime as the dc ! ( Why is he tired ? ... is it exhaustion or depression ? )

Well he's not tired from doing housework that's for sure. Tired because he goes to bed late but I can't force him to go to be early.

Why is he going to bed so late and presumably as well after you've gone to bed?.

Such menchildren do not change, is this really the life you want to be showing your children as well as a role model?.

For a start, stop waking him up. If he has to make an appointment, he's a grown-up and he can work out how to wake himself up.

Second... and I'm not offering this as an excuse... low blood-sugars are a common cause for morning irritability. What's his diet like? Five-a-day fruit and veg and plenty of wholefoods or a lot of processed, sugary crap? Does he drink alcohol in the evening? Does he smoke? You say he goes to bed late. If he wanted to be more sociable in the morning there are some simple lifestyle/diet changes he can make... and he should be making them rather than subjecting you or anyone else to his bad behaviour.

So tell him his behaviour is unacceptable, is going to get him thrown out of the family, and make him take responsibility. Stop waking him up and make him take responsibility for that as well. If he misses appointments that's entirely his look-out

No I don't get any lie ins, he is like this very often but not as bad as he use to be. He is going to bed late for no specific reason. I go to bed about the same time but I can get up regardless and still perform my normal duties.

Do you feel safe leaving the children with him when you go to work?

Is he working?

I'm up with the kids anyway so wake him when it's his time to get up for an appointment otherwise he usually stays in bed while I take care of kids.

Yes. Stop waking him up. You can't wake him up in the morning like you are his mum.

No he is not working but that's a whole other story. I not 100% sure about leaving kids with him due to his impatience. He is fully aware of this.

In future you tell him that he has to get up at 8am every day (appointment or not, people with kids don't doss about like single teens) and that it's down to him to set the alarm or whatever. You also tell him that if he either stays in bed or gets up and starts his abusive crap, he can pack a bag and leave... Lay it on the line because, right now, he is not taking any responsibility and is quite happy to let you be his personal servant that he can yell at when he fancies.

You'd survive quite happily without this millstone because you're already the one doing everything. He wouldn't last long without you. Be strong.

Thank you Cogito

He is constantly trying to sleep. It gets to about 4:00pm and he's flipping cloning on the sofa with a blanket trying to go to sleep while the house is a mess and I'm running around like a blue ass fly trying to sort kids out. It gets e so mad

What does he bring to your life?

Doesn't work.
Doesn't do housework.
Impatient with the children so you are unsure about leaving them with him.

While you are doing all the childcare, housework and soon breadwinning, plus having to put up with him throwing tantrums and swearing at you in front of your kids?

I wonder if you wouldn't be better off without him.

Not on. He's acting like a dosser. OK so he's out of work and probably feels a bit disorientated not having a daily schedule to keep to any more. But he could very easily, in consultation with you, create a new schedule that fills his day usefully and constructively. Not lie about the place doing sod-all.

If he's so tired all the time, it might be worth seeing the doctor. He might be going to bed late because he's not tired at night, he might end up having a restless night and that's why he's so tired the next day.

To start with, I'd get him to try going to bed early, taking a nytol or having a mug of horlicks and see how that goes. Eat more veg and cut out alcohol. Get him to start taking multivitamins.

I am recommending the above instead of separating because I am the same as your husband. I struggle to get to sleep at night, I struggle to stay asleep and I struggle to get up in the mornings. I spend most nights curled up on the sofa with a blanket because I'm so tired. Actually, I'm not tired. I'm exhausted. Mentally and physically exhausted. My problem? Iron deficiency. I've just started on iron tablets so hopefully they'll sort me out.

Be prepared for him to be super grumpy with you when you talk to him about it, it's very difficult to make sense of things when you're exhausted. Big hugs though, it's horrific for the partner.

Thanks everyone. Well he's left for his appointment late as it is at 9:30 which is the time he has left the house. I'm so fuking sick of him

He gets me down and makes me depressed the baxxxxd

Read him the riot act as cog said then give him a deadline. If there's no improvement in, say, 1 month I'd boot him out. Really. This is no good for your kids and I'd be seriously concerned about leaving him with them when you have to leave early for work - but you're aware of that. Do you think theres any chance he can change his whole lifestyle and personality to be safe around the kids?

Actually, forget the deadline, I'd throw him out now, he's sucking the life out of you.

"Get him to start taking multivitamins"

Hear what you're saying but - once again - it'd be some poor woman thinking it's her job to 'cure' a man of bad behaviour. He is not her responsibility... if he thinks he has iron deficiency or some other illness he should have the commonsense to get to a GP under his own steam. Likewise, if he has a bad temper, it's his responsibility to fix it rather than inflict it on others. And if he has no motivation (and I'm reading 'Can't Be Arsed' here more than anything else) the OP is perfectly entitled to reject him until he finds it.

I would draw a line and say I wasn't going to wake him anymore and its up to him to get himself up and out - and stick to it.

I used to work with a girl who you couldn't/daren't talk to before 10am for fear of having your head bitten off, after 10 and she was fine!

Not surprised you're feeling this way Familygirl.

What a useless lump.

Unless you really think he's like Willow and needs to see a dr, I agree with Cogito, spell out for him what he needs to do and put him on probationary period. If no significant improvement, you need to put a plan in place which does work for you and doesn't include him, before you return to work.

If you can't trust him to look after your children (presume they're his too?) after your maternity leave, you're effectively on your own as it is. Might be tough financially but you won't have the added stress of trying to depend on him if he doesn't buck up big time.