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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Manchild tantruming in the morning. I'm fuxxing fuming!!!

75 replies

familygirl27 · 13/03/2013 08:51

I am so angry with him. He thinks its acceptable to freak out in the morning because he is tired.

He has regular appointments on a Tuesday at 12 and Wednesday at 9:30. Today I woke him up at 8:00am for his regular appointment and he started freaking out at me in front of the kids swearing, shouting and then stomping off. I've fuckin had just about enough.

His excuse is always that he is tired!!! So fucking what!!! We are all fuckin tired you fuckin Manchild!!! I'm sorry for the swearing but he gets me so mad.

Arhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I'm fuming. We have talked about his tantrums in the past but nothing changes. I'm on mat leave and supposed to be going to work next month on a part time basis but this means on the days I work I will have to be up at 4:30am to leave the house for 6:00am and then won't get back home till 7:30pm which means he will be looking after the two children (dd1 who is 3 and dd2 who is 11 months). I'm just worried he's going to be behaving like this because he is tired and I really won't be able to take that shit in the morning.

Please someone give me some advice

OP posts:
Chandon · 13/03/2013 10:12

Well, he is a "manchild" only because you have taking On mothering him in some respects.

I would bloody well not accept the job of waker-upper! Why do you do this? I really do not get it.

Buy him an alarm clock, maybe, but really it is HIS responsibility, which he will not take as long as you do it for him.

You are not his mum, so stop acting like one.

If he cannt be trusted to look after the kids make alternative childcare arrangements.

But FFS, stop waking him up. You end up being the baddy, so why even do it? JUST STOP.

And see what happens next.

AbigailAdams · 13/03/2013 10:13

You know what even if it is low blood sugar causing him to be quite frankly abusive in the morning, low blood sugar isn't preventing him from doing housework throughout the day, forcing him to go to bed late and generally dossing. His sense of entitlement is doing that.

And low blood sugar might make you moodier than usual (for short periods of time) but it doesn't make you go around swearing at the children and your partner. Again, he feels entitled to do that. Just like he feels entitled to put the onus on him waking up on you OP.

Like others, I can only ask what is he bringing to the party?

MrsMushroom · 13/03/2013 10:21

Chuck a cup of cold water on his head an hour before he has to get up. Lock the front door, tell him he's coming back in when he has been looking for a job for a full 7 hours....he can knock on doors, go to the library and use their computers..

Tell him to take a packed lunch.

Do not let him hang about in the house all day the arsehole. Sorry you're going through this.

MrsMushroom · 13/03/2013 10:22

Chandon if she does not wake him up, he wont get to his job seekers appointments...and they wont get his benefits.

HorryIsUpduffed · 13/03/2013 10:23

He might be a congenital arsehole. If you offer practical solutions eg improved diet with or without supplements, improved routine, etc, then you have tried, and given him the benefit of the doubt.

FWIW, DH has a tendency to be like this, including blaming me for not waking him up and making him late Hmm

I just don't accommodate it. I might out of courtesy point out that his alarm has gone off, but I have explicitly refused responsibility for getting him up. We just get on with our day without him. It has helped.

That said, he is still not and will never be a morning person. Fair enough. But now he is actually capable of setting an alarm, obeying it, and leaving the house on time with all his stuff most days. Better all round.

That said, if he is unwillingly unemployed then it may be a self-esteem or even depression issue, at which point diet and lifestyle changes, and doctor visits, become prudent. You may find that if you pitch childcare as a valuable "job" with achievable tasks (eg Go To Toddler Group, Make Cardboard Castle) he may regain motivation.

CrazyOldCatLady · 13/03/2013 10:30

How does he feel about being out of work? Depression could be causing a lot of this. I'd try and have a talk with him about it if I were you, before taking more drastic measures. But if he thinks everything's fine and nothing needs to chance, I'd be disagreeing with him quite strongly.

prettywhiteguitar · 13/03/2013 11:30

God he sounds like my ex, didn't get a job for 4 months because we had a credit card, found that out eventually

Still lacks motivation

Do you really want to be with him ? Manchildren don't grow up, ex's girlfriend paid his maintenance for him as he was incapable. So glad I don't have to put up with his shit anymore

Chandon · 13/03/2013 18:02

Well, that woud be a lesson then, wouldn't it?!

MrsMushroom · 13/03/2013 19:14

Yes for the OP! Don't you think she needs his benefits to help feed her family Chandon??

Original poster
familygirl27 · 13/03/2013 20:37

Thanks everyone. The appointments are actually counselling sessions but I don't think it matters what they are, the point is his attitude.

Late afternoon today I was trying to get my youngest to sleep but she was not settling. I had a pre booked telephone meeting with my manager re return to work so had to ask Manchild to take over. When I came downstairs to ask him, he was lying on the sofa trying to sleep ( this was at 3:30pm). He huffed and puffed then went upstairs. After the call finished, I went back upstairs to find both baby and Manchild fast asleep.
As I couldn't be bothered with the tantrum as it would only disturb the baby, I left him sleeping.
Woke baby up after an hour and him to be met with another mouthful of verbal abuse as he wanted me to leave him sleeping.
I told him that if he was that tired he should go to bed when the kids go to bed. He didn't like this and ended up giving me lots or verbal shit before storming off telling me that he was going buying a bag of weed!!

OP posts:
MrsMushroom · 13/03/2013 20:55

well are you planning on doing anything about this? it's a terrible example for the children.

SugarPasteGreyhound · 13/03/2013 21:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ArtexMonkey · 13/03/2013 21:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FarBetterNow · 13/03/2013 21:14

The weed won't help him, but you know that already.
The weed may well of caused his MH problems, but I think some people just need a prop and if it isn't weed it could be alcohol.

I think there are some people who have a self destruct tendency, no matter how much help and understanding they get from their partners.
He may be jealous of your capabilities and enthusiasm for life.
It may be time to make changes.
Don't waste your life on him.

whethergirl · 13/03/2013 21:20

Ahhh, bag of weed. Now we're getting somewhere.
As someone who spent their 20s smoking weed with a dp who smoked even more than me, I can tell you that:

It will disturb your sleeping pattern
It will make you want to nap during the day
It can make you aggressive in the mornings
It can make you feel very de-motivated
It can make you very selfish
For some people, who may be prone to depression, it can trigger it/make it worse

Original poster
familygirl27 · 13/03/2013 22:34

Thank you everyone
He is not a heavy weed smoker (has been in past) as he referred himself to a place that help you to come off. He's not had any in a while. It was recognised at his sessions that the reason he uses weed is as a stress reliever. It's recognising the trigger points that help to reduce the usage. Arguments were recognised as a trigger point. I'm not making excuses up for him, believe me if it was a year ago then maybe but we got to a point and I had, had enough. I kicked him out with two bin bags full and an air bed.
That is when he referred himself and is trying to sort out other issues such as his input into the housework.

OP posts:
Ledkr · 13/03/2013 22:49

Having spent 18 yrs with a moron who couldn't get his own arse out of bed for anything, I cannot tell you how refreshing it is to be with an adult who can take responsibility for his own life.
If I could go back if definitely have left him to it and not been his human alarm clock.
Life's too bloody short.

BOF · 13/03/2013 22:58

He needs counselling to sort out his issues around housework? Confused Would he not overcome these by, um, pushing the hoover round?

Original poster
familygirl27 · 13/03/2013 23:05

Counselling is for bereavement of his mothers death from when he was a teenager not for housework. Don't be so silly.

OP posts:
MrsMushroom · 13/03/2013 23:09

family....what are you going to DO about him though? It's seriously bad to accept this...for your children I mean as well as you.

Original poster
familygirl27 · 13/03/2013 23:12

I don't know MrsMushroom, what do you suggest?

OP posts:
Flojobunny · 13/03/2013 23:13

What are you wasting your time on this cock lodger for?
LTB, he's a lazy, useless, waste of space and you and your child deserve better.

SolidGoldBrass · 13/03/2013 23:17

You need to get rid of this man, end of. You can't trust him to look after the DC, he doesn't work, he is aggressive - what on earth is making you put up with his behaviour?

OK, whose name is your home in? Is it rented or on a mortgage? Do you know what you could get in the way of tax credits etc for childcare? Look into all these things. It is perfectly possible to cope as a single parent with young children, much better than having to run around after an inadequate and potentially dangerous man.

colditz · 13/03/2013 23:22

I suggest you tell him to leave until he can behave like an adult. Every bit of childcare he sucks from you for himself, ie the tantrums, the naps, the needing to be woken, the inability to help in the house .... Every time he behaves like a small child, he is taking the care you should be giving to your kids, and providing none at all himself.

Honestly' if you didn't have children with him, would you be tolerating this ridiculous bullshit? The drug using, the verbal abuse, the refusal to participate in family.ife?

MrsTomHardy · 13/03/2013 23:22

Agree with Flojo

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