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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

DH unsupportive after long day

28 replies

pineapplesherbert · 08/03/2013 21:39

DH came home from work to find me in tears after long day looking after LO. He yelled at me to grow up and went to bed without saying goodnight and refused to make up with me when I went in, raising his voice as if to wake the baby. I am so furious.
That is all.

OP posts:
scaevola · 08/03/2013 21:42

Sounds crap.

Does he do this often, or is it an out-of-character bad patch? Either way, he shouldn't be doing this, but the latter is more susceptible to remedy than the former.

Original poster
pineapplesherbert · 08/03/2013 21:43

He basically can't offer support. If I am upset/angry he is too, times 500.

OP posts:
queenofthepirates · 08/03/2013 21:44

Sounds like you could both do with a hug. Is this a new baby? Could you maybe get in some help and get some time off?

coffeeismywine · 08/03/2013 21:45

Vile title. Disablist phrase. Yuk. Sorry but use of words like that makes me feel sick

GirlWiththeLionHeart · 08/03/2013 21:54

Moron is disablist?

Anyhoo...

Sorry op, he is being an arse :( competitive tiredness is an awful thing to get into. You need to tell him it's not a competition, you both work hard. How old is your dc?

coffeeismywine · 08/03/2013 21:57

Moron is indeed disablist. Moron was a term used to denote mild mental retardation. It was used as part of a scale include idiot, moron and cretin.

". (no longer in technical use; considered offensive) a person of borderline intelligence in a former and discarded classification of mental retardation, having an intelligence quotient of 50 to 69."

Redbindy · 08/03/2013 22:00

Moron is a definition, not an opinion. OP, he is a moron.

ScottyDoc · 08/03/2013 22:00

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

GirlWiththeLionHeart · 08/03/2013 22:01

Well you learn something new everyday! I have a severely disabled nephew and have worked with SN children for years but never knew that. Just shows its good to explain and educate people :)

unclefluffy · 08/03/2013 22:02

coffee - is "idiot" therefore also disablist?

If not, pineapple - he sounds like an idiot. Or a fool. What happens when you talk to him about this when he is calm?

coffeeismywine · 08/03/2013 22:03

No because idiot is not considered offensive, but by a dictionary definition, moron is

Can't you see the difference?

MNHQ
OliviaMumsnet · 08/03/2013 22:04

HELLO we have edited this thread title to remove the disablist language

coffeeismywine · 08/03/2013 22:06

Olivia, can you confirm that the word moron is considered to be disablist? I think it is, and the dictionary says it is now considered offensive. But there seems to be some doubt.

Lucyellensmum95 · 08/03/2013 22:07

I didn't nkow that about moron - i wont be using that term again then.

Besides the OPs husband is simply a cunt.

unclefluffy · 08/03/2013 22:09

Struggling to, yes coffee. Merriam Webster also says idiot is offensive, which clearly it is intended to be when you yell it at an unsupportive spouse. I do agree that "retard" is offensive, though - so I'm not completely blind to the problem. I don't want to take the thread too far away from its original intent, though.

coffeeismywine · 08/03/2013 22:10

neither do I, which is why I asked Olivia to clarify, because I am quite prepared to admit it if I am wrong and over-sensitive to the issue.

ScottyDoc · 08/03/2013 22:10

Wow unbelievable lol. So you can't call someone a 'div' or 'idiot' Now either I suppose? Give it a year and they will be proclaimed disablist terms too. PC rules again.

coffeeismywine · 08/03/2013 22:12

I don't think it's unbelievable or somehow wrong not to use diablist terms. I'd hardly call that PC ruling again. Hmm

justabigdisco · 08/03/2013 22:14

Oh FFS, it's alright to call someone a cunt but moron gets deleted??

justabigdisco · 08/03/2013 22:15

Sorry OP. Your DP sounds like a not-very-kind person.

GirlWiththeLionHeart · 08/03/2013 22:15

Poor ops thread has been hijacked :(

Lucyellensmum95 · 08/03/2013 22:16

OP, why don't you start a new thread - your DH has behaved really badly and you need support. Please guys, lets get back to the OP?

MNHQ
OliviaMumsnet · 08/03/2013 22:20

@Lucyellensmum95

Please guys, lets get back to the OP?

INdeed.
Hope you are okay OP

ScottyDoc · 08/03/2013 22:22

Coffee you are nit picking and have hijacked a thread. Your goady first comment says it all. Well done love. And yes the irony of cunt being allowed but moron being removed.

OP hugs to you. I've been through similar with my dh but it can only change once you realise you are a team and have to equally support eachother, no matter what tiredness or other things life throws at you.

Lucyellensmum95 · 08/03/2013 22:25

FWIW OP, my DP really does not know how to cope when i am upset and he can become quite hard and unsympathetic. Its not becaues he doesn't care - its because I have put him trhough alot and im upset ALOT. However raising his voice was way out of order.

I'd not say anymore tonight, let him sulk - talk to him tomorrow after hopefully a nights sleep. Could he have been really stressed too? ~Not making excuses. If he does this alot then he needs a kick somewhere sensitive