Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Oh crap - I think I've made myself look rather foolish

174 replies

ParanoidPrue · 07/03/2013 23:00

I've just sent the following email to both H and someone he's been emailing in a slightly less than professional capacity:

Hello to you both

Whilst it is heartwarming to watch your blossoming romance via the internet, I wonder if either of you could spare a thought for the poor pathetic wife in this scenario? I'm sure that you both will protest that this exchange between you is entirely innocent and that you simply have a connection as "friends". But whilst you exchange your star-signs and discuss hobbies, I do have to wonder why you both choose to do this via private email addresses rather than your work emails... could it be that you have something to hide perhaps? Or perhaps you're concerned that both of your respective employers will catch on to the fact that you are conducting daily phonecalls under the guise of work. Far be it for someone as lowly as a wife to question her husband once again putting in danger our family's only income for the sake of this "friendship" but it seems to me that innocent people don't conduct themselves in this fashion.

I guess that I should be relieved that the distance between you prevents this friendship spilling into the physical realm as it has in the past for the poor innocent husband. Oh but my dear, please do not concern yourself - (H) will soon be young free and single once more and you will be free to meet and discuss your match on one of your trips to London. (H) has no such qualms about something as trivial as marriage holding him back from such a meeting - you see, this is not the first time and I'm sure will not be the last. In fact, he has quite a penchant for single mothers so it seems that this dalliance was meant to be. Unfortunately (or fortunately) for him, his wife is not so forgiving and for her, this will be the last time. I do hope that the friendship was worth it my dear husband.

Oh crap oh crap oh crap - I look bonkers don't I? In my defence, there's a massive back story and I just saw a bit red when I found the emails (half of which had been deleted from H's side)......Hit me with it - I feel sorry for her now, she's probably not got a clue that he's a nasty predatory wanker and perhaps she really was seeking friendship

OP posts:
jynier · 08/03/2013 23:42

Paranoid Prue - I have just seen your thread.

I don't just like the email which you sent - I B**Y LOVE IT!!!!!!!!! Well done, you!!! I bet that they've both seen it!

Best wishes

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 09/03/2013 00:01

I think they've seen your e-mail. I can understand why you sent it but I think it would have been better left in 'draft' and not sent, purely because 1) they have something else to pull them together, ie. mutual clinging together following your 'rant' and 2) they've seen your 'cards'. I didn't 'get' the sarcasm in your e-mail; she/he might not have either, it really is down to interpretation and the 'relationships' board is generally pre-disposed to LTB vibes anyway.

You're self-doubting now. I think that you should just shrug off the fact that your husband's not acknowledging the e-mail. I agree that it's tactical. Don't let him wrong-foot you again - and don't send any more e-mails to the OW either.

I'm glad this will soon be over for you, it sounds very miserable and you're bound to be better off without this in your life. You deserve much better.

PopeBenedictsP45 · 09/03/2013 01:47

Just found this thread. You rock, OP. You sound like one cool customer. Even if you're not feeling it. Wish I was as articulate and restrained when angry. You didn't even use any exclamation points!

MidnightMasquerader · 09/03/2013 05:23

The totally rational, reasonable thing to do would've been to not send the email, but you know what? Life is short. Sometimes doing the wrong thing just feels so good. And it's good to feel good when everything else is a bit shit.

Well done, I say. I'm Team WinkyCharbon. Wink

FellNel · 09/03/2013 05:28

I think it was fantastic. I love the way you have confronted them together in the same email. You sounded calm, determined and dignified. I applaud you, and I wish you strength to get through the next really tough bit, and happiness coming out the other side of it all. Well done you.

DontstepontheMomeRaths · 09/03/2013 06:49

I wondered whether he went to bed supposedly early to text her instead in secret. Can he reply to e-mails on his phone?

I also think he knows, I'd be extremely surprised if the ow didn't text or call him as soon as she read your e-mail.

Is his phone passworded? Does he take it with him whenever he leaves the room?

You need to tackle this and talk to him. Don't loose your momentum x

PureedGoodness · 09/03/2013 07:00

Just read this thread. Love the email u sent him. I bet they have both seen it and have discussed with each other. He is obviously waiting for you to bring it up.....

LovesBeingWokenEveryNight · 09/03/2013 07:21

What will you do if he never mentions it?

WhispersOfWickedness · 09/03/2013 07:22

That is a brilliant email, well done OP Grin
I'm on the fence about whether he's read it, but I do think that she won't reply to you at all, so don't think you should be waiting for that.
All the best, hope you find the strength to follow through with your plans soon Thanks

Original poster
ParanoidPrue · 09/03/2013 07:31

He knows. He changed his passwords on his email and Facebook. He did that at 4am this morning. He's said nothing and I've received no reply from her.

In answer to the question What will I do if he doesn't raise it (sorry I can't scroll up am on phone) - absolutely nothing. I have no interest in discussing this with him. I've said my piece he knows I know. I'm going to try to maintain a semi dignified silence from now until I leave. Even after that.

This incident is of no significance on its own - my reaction was the key thing. I wanted him to know I'm no fool an he's an arse. Even if he doesn't believe he's an arse, he knows I think he's one!

That's not to say I didn't secretly hope he would hang his head in shame upon reading my message and beg my forgiveness. The face that he hasn't has told me all I need to know about who he is as a person, let alone a husband and partner of nearly 15 years.

So ladies (and any lurking gentlemen!) my work is done here. I guess I will let this thread die a death but thank you for all your wonderful words of kindness and for convincing me that sometimes its okay to be a bit bonkers when the situation demands it Thanks

OP posts:
LovesBeingWokenEveryNight · 09/03/2013 07:34

Not bonkers at all. You were able to have your say. I wish you well for your new life!

sarahjaye · 09/03/2013 07:38

Good luck, you sound like a remarkable person. You deserve a really good future...

TippiShagpile · 09/03/2013 07:41

Good luck Prue - you are amazing.

I suspect he's fucking with your head (again) by not mentioning the email and will try to carry on as normal. Keep it together and get out as soon as you can.

Keep strong.

Thanks
givemeaclue · 09/03/2013 07:44

Wow.

Huge respect and good luck

sallyfromthealley · 09/03/2013 07:44

I bet she doesn't take any notice of what you have said. They are obviously at the exciting secretive stage and will go for it anyway. She will think she is different from all the rest (poor cow.)

Honeysucklerose · 09/03/2013 07:45

Read it thought it is bloody marvellous you are an inspiration to the thousands of woman who have been cheated on not once but twice myself included I applaude your courage and do hope your life gets better and you can come out smiling

kittybiscuits · 09/03/2013 07:49

Hi Prue...I am inspired by your direct action. Good for you. I bet he is really angry. If his main concern is to secure his email in order to continue his shenanigans, then Em is one lucky lady. Hopefully she will take him off your hands. If he doesn't even mention this to you, then his treatment of you is beyond contempt. Please ditch this loser. Now, I feel an email coming on....

ELR · 09/03/2013 07:58

Pru good luck. I think you summed it up well in saying he knows you know! And knows you think he's an arse! Maintaining a dignified silence is indeed dignified, try to keep it up xxx

BigGiantCowWithAKnockKnockTail · 09/03/2013 08:00

OP I think I love you Blush
What an incredible display of strength, well done. I wish you all the very best in the future. You sound truly wonderful Thanks

TobyLerone · 09/03/2013 08:10

What a complete knob he is. I hope his willy falls off.

PeppaFuckingPig · 09/03/2013 08:16

Just another one adding my support here.
Well played.

This may already have been mentioned, but can i ask why you're the one who's leaving rather than kicking his arse out the door?

SanityClause · 09/03/2013 08:16

Why do you have to leave, though? Why shouldn't he?

If you didn't have children, I would say to leave, but it seems unfair on them to have the upheaval of leaving their home?

Or have I got the wrong end of the stick?

(Also in Team WinkyCharbon, incidentally)

Guiltypleasures001 · 09/03/2013 08:31

Another de cloaking to wish you all the very best for you hopefully dazzling new future.

thepixiefrog · 09/03/2013 08:35

All the best pru, you are an inspiration!

MinnieBar · 09/03/2013 08:41

Yes, why are you leaving rather than kicking this waste of space out??

Swipe left for the next trending thread