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Original poster

I accidentally found out my DP is going to propose...and i dont like the ring

87 replies

enormouse · 07/03/2013 19:08

Ok so tonight myself, DS and DP are watching in the night garden. DS is toddling about playing with DPs kindle and he manages to use it to open Amazon to show me that my other half has an engagement ring in the basket. I may have gone a slightly strange colour but naturally DP didn't even notice (I'm assuming he was too busy watching makka pakka). Unfortunately, it's not a particularly nice ring.

I'm not hankering for a really expensive ring but I had hoped that he would make it to a jewellers (there's actually a jewellery workshop in the village, who have known his family for years) or find something a little more special than Amazon. I don't have anything against Amazon either it's just I don't want my engagement ring coming from the place I order textbooks from. He also has a tendency to buy everything from Amazon no matter what the occasion. (birthday/Christmas/mothers day/fathers day). I had hoped something as special as an engagement ring would be the exception but clearly not.

We're planning our first holiday away together without DS at the end of this month (24th) so I'm fairly certain he'll be planning to pop the question then. I can't steer him towards a ring I would like or drop hints without revealing I know what he's up to. So basically I have a month or so to stew. Has anyone been in a similar situation? Xx

OP posts:
MushroomSoup · 07/03/2013 21:05

Mellen!!! Grin

CuriousMama · 07/03/2013 21:12

Good thinking Mellen.

Wigeon · 07/03/2013 21:16

How cheap is it? Is it possible that that's just the ring he wants to propose with, and he actually wants to go proper ring shopping with you after you've said yes?

My now-DH proposed with a cheap silver ring which was obviously not the proper ring (since it was big and chunky and covered in pink hearts), and then we went ring shopping the next week. Which I actually thought was really thoughtful of him since he knew I would want to choose one myself.

Branleuse · 07/03/2013 21:57

delete it but dont re-add anything

JulietteMontague · 08/03/2013 00:04

Not a problem, it's online shopping and therefore can be returned within the specified time (I would check what their terms and conditons are for the exact timing). Meanwhile, you can start telling him how much you would always want a wonderful personal ring from the local shop if you ever got engaged on the off chance he actually gets the hint.

BalloonSlayer · 08/03/2013 06:56

For goodness' sake, don't delete it!!!

If he realises you've done it he'll think you don't want to marry him. Remember - this is a man who thinks there is nothing wrong with buying a ring from Amazon. He won't think "she's deleted it because she doesn't like it, or she doesn't think Amazon is good enough." He'll think "She's seen it and is dismayed and panicked and is trying to do anything to discourage me from popping the question, even temporarily."

My suggestion is to check Amazon T&C and reassure yourself that it can be returned.

Then be proposed to, be happy, then either mention tactfully that you don't like the ring and could you choose a different one, or could you object to Amazon on tax-avoidance grounds "I don't want something as important as the start of our marriage commemorated by something from a cheating and dishonest company. It doesn't bode well" or something. Of course he might give you the Hmm at that but worth a try.

EnjoyResponsibly · 08/03/2013 07:46

Just don't wear it.

Get him to buy you a ring you do like for Christmas and wear that instead.

And start practicing this face Shock for when he asks you.

A1980 · 08/03/2013 08:14

My last bf used to buy god awful presents but I loved him. its the person that matters.

He wants to spend hid life with you what does the ring matter.

mrsSOAK · 08/03/2013 09:19

I was given a really cheap ring from the costume jewellry department as an engagement ring, I loved it. It was bought as a bit of an afterthought on the run up to our wedding.
I got my (real) engagement ring on our first anniversary. I had no idea but I really couldnt wear the ring, I didnt like it and it wasnt practical. I told my DH and asked if I could exchange it for something more suitable that I would wear everyday.
He wasnt best pleased cos he spent lots of time picking out the ring.
However, the only time my rings have come off my finger was when I was heavily pregnant and all swollen up. I still love my ring and my DH came round to the fact that I exchanged the ring he bought and now admits I picked a nicer one!

Catchingmockingbirds · 08/03/2013 09:29

How do you know it's an engagement ring and not a nice (well nice in his eyes!) piece of jewellery for Mother's Day?

LessMissAbs · 08/03/2013 09:32

What does it matter? Really, OP, what does it matter?

lottieandmia · 08/03/2013 09:36

Personally, I wouldn't be bothered about the ring. Unless it is absolutely too ugly to wear.

lottieandmia · 08/03/2013 09:37

People are so precious about all things wedding, I will never understand it.

expatinscotland · 08/03/2013 09:41

Why would you delete it? I don't get engagements rings, though. Waste of money.

Trills · 08/03/2013 09:43

Leave it.

Let him propose.

Say yes (assuming that's what you want to say)

The next day, start a conversation with "I do very much want to marry you... but would you be terribly upset if I said that I wasn't very keen on this ring?"

You're going to wear the ring "forever" - any sensible person would understand you wouldn't want one that was not to your taste.

Don't call it hideous. Just "not my style". Go shopping together to pick the new one.

germyrabbit · 08/03/2013 09:45

agree with tills

let him propose!

zipzap · 08/03/2013 10:08

Drop hints about there being some lovely things in the local jewellery shop that you'd like for mothers day (say a reasonable price necklace) and persuade dh to go with you to buy it - even if you have to buy it yourself. Or say that you've bought it yourself so you get what you want and it's amazing how reasonably priced they are comparedwith the big chain jewellers or even online places and see if he takes the bait. Or tell him that it's great because if you buy something as a present and it doesn't fit or the recipient doesn't like it then they will let you replace which is great as so many places dont (assuming they do!)

Make sure you have been to the jewellers in advance and scoped out what you like, even picking a couple so that if dh goes back without you he'll know what to steer him towards.

A1980 · 08/03/2013 11:18

That's a good point...maybe its for mothers day. Maybe your Ds showed you as he had been on the pc choosing it for you with him.

Don't get upset until you know he is actually going to propose.

People these days care more about the bloody ring, the venue, the flowers, the dress, the party than they do about the commitment they make to each other which is what it is all about.

I wouldn't care if I walked up the aisle in jeans and a shirt if I found someone who wanted to spend theory life with me.

makemineamalibuandpineapple · 08/03/2013 15:41

What's it like?

twentythirteen · 08/03/2013 15:48

I would have thought it didn't matter and that it was to wedding and the marriage that meant everything. BUT, I spent a decade wearing the most dreadful ring. I was so happy the moment the marriage ended to take that hideous thing off! OP, leave hints all around and find ways of letting him know "my friend said..." that you would want to exchange a ring you don't like. He might even be thinking that's what you'd do?

Jonno94 · 08/03/2013 15:51

no no. Accept the ring and then see how it goes. Don't hurt his feelings

InsertWittyUsername · 08/03/2013 16:22

OP, what is the actual problem - you don't like the ring or the fact that it's being bought via Amazon. The latter seems to be the issue you talk about most in your post.

You realise that it'll be from a jewellery business selling through Amazon, like many shops and very big brands do, rather than "from Amazon", right? You also realise that Amazon has engagement rings for over £150k and that you're likely to get more ring for the budget as there are big discounts for people who buy from jewellery businesses through Amazon?

Please do not call it hideous to him or delete it from his basket - that's just nasty. If you must, then go with Trills' suggestion. Anything else is pretty distasteful, TBH.

IslaValargeone · 08/03/2013 16:30

Can you link to the ring so we can make a more informed decision :o

Liking mellen's idea tbh.

JustWannaDrinkAndDance · 08/03/2013 17:05

Yes! Link the ring!

snuffaluffagus · 08/03/2013 17:17

I swapped the ring my husband chose! Is that bad? He was with me when I did it (had to go and get a different size anyway). I didn't want to be stuck with a ring I didn't really like foreverrrr. He understood bless him. I do feel bad.. but hey, it wasn't the end of the world.