How soon it is to climb back in the saddle ?

[Mosman]

I've been emotionally out of the marriage for 5 years, going through the motions for the children, his affair has blown it all wide open.
So the problem, somebody has heard about our split and invited me for dinner.
It's literally been weeks but I'm not crying into my vino any more. Would you go

I probably would, if nothing else then for the opportunity to have a break, enjoy some adult company and feel appreciated again.

You are probably starved of affection right now

Yes, definitely! I've been neglected to and I'm in the process of separation. He's never thought that he's done anything wrong (no affair). Can't wait to start a new life again and find somebody who'll treat me nice.

I'm getting "good morning beautiful" texts every morning.
Tis nice

Is he single ?

No.

You're too raw and this bloke's just exploiting your vulnerability at the moment.

If he was a good mate he'd let you rage at the world and cry on his shoulder, offer to help you with stuff that needs doing or try to cheer you up by making you laugh.

He wouldn't be looking to get his rocks off with a woman whose world has just exploded.

Yeah he's single.

I think he is planning to buy me dinner and cheer me up rather than get into my pants

I wouldn't be too sure about that

And I don't think you are posting about wanting to just go for dinner with someone...

And pigs might fly.

Come on. You don't text 'good morning beautiful' to a newly separated woman who you just want to chew the fat with and eat good food. I bet he doesn't send texts like that to the 60-year old woman in accounts whose marriage has just gone belly-up.....and he certainly wouldn't buy her dinner just to cheer her up.

Lol
I'm not aposed to a help hand to cheer me up in other ways but i appreciate thats not the best thing for me right now.
I don't want to start something that might get messy so i'm taking on board ypour comments, promise

Nowt wrong with a bit of flattery and cheering up at the moment, but see this for what it is. He's trying to exploit a sad situation for his own ends. He's not really being a mate to you at all.

I brought someone home exactly a week after my exH moved out. I never felt prayed upon and it was lovely to have nice conversation and physical attention.

My marriage had been very short on affection and it was exactly what I needed. I saw him for a few weeks (until I left the area) and he kept in touch. We still talk now and then. It could never have gone anywhere because I was raw but it was a hell of a nice way to pass some time.

Yeah but had you just met him?

I just hate these blokes who are like a rat up a drainpipe as soon as a woman becomes available again and who know she's vulnerable, hurting and that her judgement's a bit off.

Yes, I'd just met him. I guess if he'd known me when DH and I were together that would have been pretty nasty.

I agree that a lot of times a new relationship can be a bad idea but don't think the standard suggestion of a year of being single is necessarily best.

I thought so and I agree. As long as a bloke's new on the scene, is single and there are no expectations on either side, I'm all for a brief distraction (or a series of them ) to help you get through the days. But if a woman's been hurt by an unfaithful tosser ruining her marriage, it can be a real downer if some chancer is just looking for a quick shag before moving on to the next vulnerable woman....

He's not been lurking in the background or even a friend he's a client from work who maybe is grabbing the chance but I've never physically met him before.
Oh well I'll keep chatting and if he becomes disinterested after a few weeks without a shag then i'll have my answer and have lost nothing I guess.

I would say be careful. I got burnt when I did just what you are proposing, fell for it hook, line and sinker and was seriously played. But you will probably meet up with him because the excitement is great!

Aww, Mosman, I'm so sorry you split with your dh. Just go out to cheer yourself up if anything.
Have an {{{{{unMNetty hug}}}}}

Thank you

Mos. I did what you are thinking... It was great. A lifeline of fun, flattery, being treated during a crap time.

My advice would be tell him up front you are happy for a bit 'of fun' but nothing serious, be ready to bin him if he does anything that waves even a little pink flag, make sure he respects your vulnerability and doesn't take advantage. Keep him at arms length and keep your other friends close. Family and friends may raise an eyebrow (mine did) ....be respectful and understanding of that -they care for you

It was a really healing time for me and I made it very clear to him that I was possibly going to use him, wasn't capable of giving him anything, scared of commitment etc etc etc. He stuck around and treated me like a good friend that he adored. What was not, to like about that!!

I dont think there is nothing wrong with meeting up with him. I totally understand what you say about emotionally checking out of a relationship long before you physically choose to leave.....therefore you are probably more further down the recovery process anyway.

Well this is what I'm thinking, it's not like i'm heart broken or anything, more pragmatic, sad yes but could I be good company and enjoy somebody elses, yes I think I could. I'm not leaning on him either I know this is all about me standing on my own two feet.