Thank you all so much for lovely messages
Kitty, Cafe, Lost Have 2 DS's still at home, DS2 17 & DS3 11. DS3 really struggled when his beloved Nanny died, and missed a lot of school as couldn't get to sleep until mad 3am type times (& obv, needed me desperately for comfort, so those days worsened sleep too). All advice re how help l'il bods like him is to try and get them back into school/routine/friends ASAP as that's what helps them. So, after a few days, that's what managed to do, so be really reluctant (& feel that awful Mummy guilt at failing my child..) to keep him off when doesn't physically or psychologically need to be, and could actually set him back in HIS healing process. The HUGEST irony though is that whilst DID have to drive DS2 in, DS3 is actually home as was really rough this morning - couldn't make it up! And no, am out of options other than me driving -
i) Am pretty isolated (as had to become so to protect my DS's privacy as 2 of them were badly attacked in; ditto had to stop my much missed career & colleagues etc.) so it's only my 2 BFF's forever am really in touch with and they live miles away;
ii) The few favours I could call in from school acquaintances I have already had to call in, and - as Jynier said - everybody somehow thinks it's 'all ok now', even though she only died 18 days ago
... I really do NOT get how anyone could think that, but THAT is the reality of it
;
& iii) Nope, can't afford taxis/cars right now as is £10 each way and I am beyond cleaned out this month as did so much for Mum's funeral (which still so glad I DID do, as was very personal and very 'Mumma'); will post some pics for you of the very 'her' stuff managed to get.
So Midwife, can see from above that "no" is answer to 'hands to hold in RL' right now (sad and an horrific side-effect of something that itself was so bloody horrific), but wish I did as it is just SO fucking hard. My sis (ex-pat) is currently back, but it's not the greatest of relationships even though I have tried monumentally hard to try and improve it.
Bluey So sweet of you to remember that nightmare on morning of funeral when realised my sister & I each thought the other had the CD of the Israel K. version of 'Over the Rainbow'... so NONE of us had it
- happy to say did sort it via use of Mac attached to Archie's (DS1) amp that he was using. He sang with his guitar for his ace Nanny, was incredible and beyond poignant; link is here if want to hear it - soundcloud.com/stream - as it was recorded.
And final piece of beautiful music bits was when my (male) BFF rounded service off with an accapello version of 'Three Times a Lady'. Mum would have been SOOOOO proud of Archie, but also know she would have LOVED fact that a couple of her old biddy type mates had their jaws on floor, as BFF kinda famous & she would have loved that "See my daughter's best friend" thing (just as she - uber embarrassingly at the time - but wish was still same now would literally photocopy Radio Times/whatever with my work in schedules; use a LUMINOUS bloody highlighter on my stuff; and then proceed to send to all her mates and even give to perfect strangers on bus! )
Sorry, just realised written War & Peace length post
so will go now, but only after saying to Jynier that feeling as you do is NOT 'self-pity' in any way angel ok? What you're feeling is normal for these horrific situations. Suspect the fact that others - who haven't been through it - 'act' as if you should be 'normal', you're following their (hugely wide of the mark) 'cues' if even remotely think you have 'self-pity'. You don't. You have grief hon. Normal, natural, healthy GRIEF.
Sending hugs to all, ESP Jynier