Why are so many people up at this hour? Thread 2

[izzyizin]

Previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1669515-Why-are-so-many-people-up-at-this-hour

This is what happens, jynier

Continue uninterrupted....

[Beaverfeaver]

I can't sleep.

I never felt broody before but its come at me like a ton if bricks.

Tried bringing it up with DH a few times but its alway a bad time.

I found out today that BIL & SIL are expecting their third.

I am so pleased for them, but got a bit teary as I know deep down DH would rather wait until he was in his 30's. we are 27 btw.

Feeling sad and lost right now :(

[ripsishere]

Aww, that's hard Beaver. Have you spoken to your DH about it? has he outright told you that's what he wants? I know it's not what you want to hear, but you do have plenty of time. I was 37 when DD was born.
In retrospect though, maybe I was a bit too old. She is approaching puberty while I am post menopausal. Hormones a gogo

[starsandunicorns]

Rock and roll Rip ( starts hand banging and doing a fab impression of the lead singer of KISS)

Beaverfeaver sending a nonmn hug ( you get them on this thread) someone will pop along with better expernice than me

[Beaverfeaver]

I keep trying to bring it up, but its usually in the evening when he is busy or we are having to get somewhere

He said we will talk to tomorrow night

Last time we spoke about it was about 6 months ago when he told me he wanted to wait a good few more years

I don't feel I am in a rush yet, but I am ready now and want to be able to plan

[cafecito]

beaver, sorry to hear you're feeling so low. Does DH know how you feel about this? it's all very well people thinking, oh you're only in your twenties.. but it's your life and your body. Sounds good that DH is not averse to children, just doesn't envisage them just yet. Have you thought about practicalities too, how you would be able to manage with a child if you had one now?

If it means so much to you, if it's completely heartwrenching for you, then he might be willing to see it from your side too. Relationships = compromise. Equally he may have legitimate practical reasons for waiting?


anyway, come and join us for a group hug. ate the last muffin..sorryy...

[Beaverfeaver]

Thanks for the tea. Will share around some of my crumpets too.

[cafecito]

sorry x-posts

It's not all his decision, really. But equally if he really wants to wait - then you are still young. Fertility declines rapidly after 35 (I'm sure you know all this) It should be a compromise. But making an appointment.. hmm.. does sound like he's very busy.

My good friend, is doing the same course and career wise as me, and is all consumed by it. His girlfriend wants a baby. He does not, and he stresses out about it. His only reasoning though (he is about the same age as you btw) is that he thought '30s' was the done thing, because he wants to get his career in order first, and also because he says he wants to be there for the baby and to see the child growing up and be a 'hands on' dad and absolutely knoes he cannot do that at this stage in his life. He realises she'd be willing to do it on her own, but doesn't think it is fair on her or that she would be happy doing this.

could your DH feel similar? is he in a difficult position work-wise?

[cafecito]

oh I LOVE crumpets - buttery crumpets.. mmm...

[starsandunicorns]

Crumpets ohhh i loves crumpets brings to table ginger nut and choclate biccys the choclate ones are from M n S you know

[Beaverfeaver]

M&S biccies! Laverly :)

DH wants to wait 'til 30 just because he feels we should be doing more stuff whilst we have the money and can before babies arrive.

I don't see that we need another 3 years of that though.

He also is thinking of changing jobs, but has been saying that for over a year, so I'm not accepting that as a reason as it might not happen for a long time.

I also think its because none of our friends have children yet.

[wem]

Hello insomniacs and forrin-land-ers. I am up because DD1 is sick. She's been throwing up any tiny bit of water she's drunk all day. And been sleeping in between times. So now she's not tired and whinging every 20mins that she doesn't want to sleep. And then puking again. So I'm waiting for the bedsheets I've put on to wash to finish so I can put them on to tumbledry so then we can change her bedding for the millionth time tonight.

I would very very much like to be asleep.

[kittyandthegoldenfontanelles]

You all started without me Hmmm like the new home Izzy, very spacious. Thanks awfully.

Hi everyone and newies



Excellent precis cafe, you just left out pontipine love.

minimammoth what an adventurous weekend Glad you are back to normal...was laughing concerned about your trout pout. Do tell what your allegen is.

I agree izzy is definitely blond.

SPsfanjo there was a hairy haribo at our singing group at the library on Friday; was it your namesake? Had a job keeping my daughter away from it.

rip no bag of sin on today's list? hmmmm? I'll bet there is

stars step away from the crap telly...

[cafecito]

I agree beaver, there is a general consensus in 20somethings that 'children arrive in your 30s' or '30s is best age to have children' because, these days, this is when most people tend to have them (cannot cite my source for that)

but if you feel ready- and you are committed to one another - and seem rather settled and happy - then .... why wait...

He does have a point, as I had my first when I was really rather young and I have to say that I, in essence, felt a huge sense of loss - of a whole side of my identity- because there are so many things you cannot do when you have a baby. So many enormous life changes. Yet I doubt anyone here would say they regretted having their children. It's just not an easy ride.
So, in a way, if you enjoy going out, and travel, then yes it is sensible to really make as much of it as you can because there is no going back once babies arrive. I found even a trip to the dentist, was like a holiday, because it was time out from a screamy baby. I sound bad but I don't think the downsides are talked about much. It was like 'me' had died and been replaced by a changed version, who really couldn't do a lot of things anymore. Even going away - try being on a plane with a baby. Try sitting by a pool, or having dinner. Not easy. BUT if you have the support there (I did not) then you could perhaps tell your DH yes but we can still do x, y, z. It's only right he might need some reassurance that his life is not going to be 'over'. o you have friends or family who could look after the baby so you two can still go out together, or can go away for a while together? Then his arguments hold less strength.

[cafecito]

kitty! hope DD is doing better now?

OH yes, pontipine love! and THE NUMBERS

and watch out for summerdad

izzy is blonde (possibly a darkish blonde) and has very very beautiful fine features

[cafecito]

wem sorry DD is ill- exhausting!

[jynier]

... lurking on here. Usual reason.

wem - children can't help being ill! Hope that DD1 is better soon!

beaverfeaver - seems as if your DH is making his views very clear. Perhaps you should start your own thread as you will receive the most excellent advice from MNetters who have shared the same experience.

[Absolutelylost]

Just brooding after a horrendous row with DH. Well, I'm not dear to him. He wants to leave but I still love him, even though he's behaved appallingly for the last 6 months. We havent slept together since November and i miss the intimacy dreadfully, he wont touch me at all. He was away at the weekend and I behaved foolishly last night, swapping some flirtatious Facebook messages with an old flame, just because I wanted some validation and admiration. I deleted them from my phone, but they popped up on the iPad when he turned it on earlier. He says he couldn't care less but is being really nasty - I would like to think he is actually a bit jealous but it was a hideous nasty row... Am in bed now, he sleeps on sofa but feel really sick and stressed....the frustrating thing is that it was actually the first time (and will be the last) but he now is adamant it has been going on for ages. I just want us to stay together but I don't think we will and I am devastated.

[kittyandthegoldenfontanelles]

hi beaver and welcome...

It's a tricky one I agree but may I put in my two penneth? I'm 38 and planning my second child and as my personal physician has already said, fertility drops (and potential complications increase) as you get to my age (thanks cafe )

But my main concern is that it limits the amount of time that I will be around for my children. My parents are thankfully still here and are healthy and able to be here for me for good and bad times. It makes me very sad to think that my daughter probably, possibly, won't have that and I feel like she'll be alone in the world. Maudlin I know but something to consider when planning. If you have a choice (which I didn't) don't leave it too late. I know you are ready now, just thought this point of view could be put to your husband.

[starsandunicorns]

Had her first dd at 22 yrs lots of my friends had them in there family in there 30's I sometimes wish I waited but then some of my friends wish they had them younger. There is no right or wrong time like cafecito says life changes you do can do loads of things still.

Cafecito you have reminded of my dd 18mths old sitting on my tummy while I has getting my wisdom teeth shaved verlco baby couldnt see me so I had to get her out of her buggy to stop her crying.

Waves to kitty is your dd rehoming teddies tonight

[kittyandthegoldenfontanelles]

waves back at stars Do you have hairy wisdom teeth?

She's currently slumbering but still on the boob. Will attempt a cot-wise put-down in a minute < giggling at the gorgeousness of rehoming teddies >

[starsandunicorns]

Brings in new pot of tea and extra cups for the newbies and Jamican ginger cake

[cafecito]

absolutelylost here to handhold for you, nothing useful to say. I was ina relationship with no intimacy for ages and eventually it's only natural to seek some kind of validation elsewhere. facebook messages are kept on there forever aren't they, so if this is a one-off, you can show him your message history, if you want to. But if this separation has occurred so he's already sleeping apart and there is no intimacy then as you say there are obviously other issues hope you can resolve them, nothing is impossible.

[kittyandthegoldenfontanelles]

wem . sorry about your poorly darling.....how old? Have they vee. able to keep Dow. any fluids today?

absolutelylost oh I'm so sorry, what a chronic situation. I don't have any advice I'm afraid but we are here, someone is usually here, tag team style throughout the night

[ripsishere]

Shaving wisdom teeth? my legs and armpits feel special if I sort those out.
Sin will be bought, if there is a Y in the spelling of the day, it normally is.
I am struggling to type ATM, I left a veg peeler in the sing last night, when I got up this morning, I swirled my hand around some nasty fetid water in the sink and pronged my self with the peeler. Two skinny cuts that hurt like fuck.

[cafecito]

kitty I will add, to counter my previous remark, that my aunt had her first at 38 and her second -naturally- at 47 !