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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Advice please

17 replies

CrazyAssMomma · 01/03/2013 09:50

My 6 month old has sleep regression and so has been waking around 4am.

I have been getting up everytime for the last 2 weeks so asked him if he could get up. He got so angry after 5 minutes that he grabbed me and pulled me out of bed, then pushed me and also rammed my daughters Pram into me.

I asked him to leave and he wouldn't so I took my daughter to my mums. My mum has told me this morning I need to find somewhere else but I have nowhere to go. Should I go back there? Was I over exaggerating?

OP posts:
BuggerLumpsAnnoyed · 01/03/2013 09:54

I'm so sorry :-( sorry about horrid dp and uncaring mum. You should not go back there. You deserve better and next time it could be worse. Have you looked into womens refuges? As in somewhere to stay till you get yourself sorted if theres nowhere else.

The fact that he wouldnt even leave after he did that prooves that hes a selfish twat.

targaryen24 · 01/03/2013 10:02

HELL NO you're not over exaggerating!
That's terrible, I'm so sorry to hear that Thanks

If you literally have nowhere to go then contact women's aid/go to your local SServices & bask for advice/help. They take any risk of violence very seriously, especially if you don't minimise it & let them know you're scared & he won't leave. May be worth calling the police if you have any claim on the property too (as they can remove him, if needs be).

And just forget about your selfish DP. It's never worth the risk if they act like that once...the chances of it happening again are just so high.

Best wishes x

targaryen24 · 01/03/2013 10:02

*ask...not bask! Oops

scaevola · 01/03/2013 10:07

The level of anger and type of physical force you describe does not sound like a one-off to me. Have their been previous incidents?

Original poster
CrazyAssMomma · 01/03/2013 10:47

It's not happened before I was really shocked as he always so laid back. I probably should have just got up myself.

I'm worried about ending up in a refuge

OP posts:
targaryen24 · 01/03/2013 10:56

I probably should have just got up myself ??
You didn't deserve that for asking him to help with his kid.

Don't minimize it until it becomes too big to minimize...

I can understand a groggy, slightly begruding response...Broken nights/early waking is hard but reading that makes me my stomach turn. If you stay keep it in mind that things may escalate, and you have a DC involved.

Am sorry if that sounds cold but I'm speaking from experience Thanks
So sorry you have to deal with this as well as the bad nights Thanks

Original poster
CrazyAssMomma · 01/03/2013 11:23

I have come back to get some clothes etc... He says I can't take her and he won't let us leave unless I leave without her I really don't know what I'm meant to do

OP posts:
targaryen24 · 01/03/2013 11:49

Please call the police Shock
Obviously 'leave' and do it on the sly asap. They see this situation a lot and it won't be as dramatic as it sounds but it will keep you and your DC safe.

They won't blame you, whatever he says. They'll make sure you're not about to run away with her etc but if you express your concerns/fears they have to take it seriously as it's a big risk and there's a kid involved etc.

(My mum's a social worker & I've had to call the police in a similar situation...threats etc...and I promise you that is your best option. He sounds wildly unreasonable and doesn't have DCs best interests at heart at all. I seriously urge you to get help asap).

Hope you're ok. You must be in shock Sad Thanks

VPNerror · 01/03/2013 13:52

Call the police

BertieBotts · 01/03/2013 18:01

What is it about a refuge that worries you? I know a few people on here have experience, and they're honestly not terrible or awful places.

I agree you should get legal advice ASAP. I'm sorry this has happened to you :(

BertieBotts · 01/03/2013 18:03

Oh yes and call the police now, or just leave when he's out? I know he's her father but he can't literally stop you taking her.

Xales · 01/03/2013 18:08

Call the police. Tell them you were physically assaulted last night and now he is refusing to allow you to leave with your child. The one he assaulted you rather than get up with once last night.

Why is a refuge a worse option than being attacked?

buildingmycorestrength · 01/03/2013 18:19

How are you now? Hope all OK?

Original poster
CrazyAssMomma · 02/03/2013 10:58

Sorry for the late reply all yesterday was very hectic.

Partner was on nights yesterday so waited till he had left and quickly got out. My friend offered me her spare room or a while so I'm really greatful.

My only concern is money but ill make it work if it means I'm safe.

Thank you so much for all of your advise

OP posts:
Lucyellensmum95 · 02/03/2013 11:03

I think you still need to call the police you know, just to register this incident. What if he comes to find you? The shit may well really hit the fan.

Talk to womens aid 0808 2000 247 and they will help you through the next stages

Well done for getting away - keep yourself, and your daughter safe - you are very brave

buildingmycorestrength · 02/03/2013 11:16

Bless you, I am so glad you got out. Brilliantly brave for you and your child.

Do follow the advice of the other very experienced wise posters on here. They really know what they are talking about.

onedev · 02/03/2013 11:18

Well done for being so brave & putting yourself & your daughter's safety first. Wishing you all the very best.

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